shil2587

We moved in together a few months ago. I have been staying at his, but kept my place as his lease was up so he was going to put his stuff into storage and move into mine while we looked for a bigger place together.

That was supposed to have happened last Friday.

Instead, I have had a month of him being brought back off his face by a concerned (very codie) friend who had had the pleasure of him turning up at his door step and having pity parties for hours on end.

I had a week of him telling me I couldn't be trusted with money because I tithe on my income and I must be with him for his money.

So I was getting more and more angry, but keeping firmly to my side of the street, not cleaning up after him, doing my own thing and getting on with life. All the while knowing full well that if his stuff was not packed by Friday, the movers were going to be P*ss*d.

Long story short, move got post-poned until Monday. Nothing has been packed so-far and it's going to be a train crash. He HAS to be out by Wednesday or he'll be evicted.

On top of that, he stole my car yesterday. I was taking a nap and he went into my coat pocket, took my car keys and went for a drunken ride to his parents'. His father brought him back, but I had the pleasure of having his mother call me today saying why couldn't I keep him away from my car keys and I should have better control of the situation!!!!! The woman goes to alanon, she should know better than that. I made it beyond clear that if he EVER took my car again I would be calling the police and he WOULD get jail time. He agreed with me. I made it clear it was my line in the sand. Surely I cannot stop him going through my stuff and taking my key if he is determined to do so, this isn't my fault!!

So, combination of being expected by his family to keep control of things and knowing there is a train wreck coming tomorrow morning when the movers will, yet again, receive a drunk phone call.... I left.

I haven't broken up with him yet, but if he doesn't get sober and stay sober within the next few months, I am done. This man I have been with the last few months has been a stranger to me. It's not a side to him I had seen before and I don't like it. Previously when he had been drinking, he was quiet and just sort of curled up in a corner, no danger to anyone. Now he is angry, sarcastic, drunk driving and dishonest. His recovery has gone down the drain.

Mine has not.

honeypig

Giving him "a few months" is pretty darn generous, I'd say. From what you've posted, there is absolutely nothing to indicate that he has one iota of interest in getting sober.

And the reason he used to be quiet and just sort of curled up in a corner when drunk, and now is angry, sarcastic, dishonest and drives drunk? B/c alcoholism is a progressive disease, as we've all seen posted here so many times. He is getting worse. He will continue to get worse until such time as he seeks recovery.

I am so glad you feel solid in your recovery.

shil2587

I meant that he would have to stay sover for a few months starting within the very near future before I make the decision to stay. For me, feeling secure enough to consider what is too much, is huge. This is the first time that I have seen him drinking for a protracted period of time.

shil2587

But yes, you're right. This is his progression. I had hoped that he had sought out recovery enough to beat this before there was this sort of progression. I guess not.

honeypig

shil, it is my understanding that even though the A is in recovery, the disease of alcoholism doesn't go away or get better at all. It is not active, it is not being fed, but it is still there. Often, addictions resurface much stronger than they were. If the A relapses, their alcoholism will be at the same level as when they got sober, or in some cases, it may even be worse.

There is a saying about addictions of all kinds: "While I'm in recovery, my addiction is out in the hall doing push-ups." It's a terrifying image, but I believe it is true.

Duckygirl1

He is not going to change dear. Not the threat of jail for stealing your car, not the chance of killing himself or someone else while drunk driving, not the threat of you leaving, not the crap show of being evicted will stop him until he CHOOSES to stop. I've never really loved the whole "powerless" "I have a disease" thing. He is making a choice to remain in his suffering despite the carnage that he his causing. His mother is a manipulative, co dependat who would rather just shove the burden off on you than face that her son is a wreck. My xabf's mom is the queen of that crap.

The question is not why is he doing what he's doing. The question is why are you still there and worried about it?

Hawkeye13

So, to be clear what you mean by "I left" I'm assuming you took your stuff,
went back to your place, and have made it clear that he is not welcome in your place
and can deal with his own packing and issues with movers, right?

If you have any inkling of letting him move into your home, I hope you change your mind.
Once he's in and drinking, you'll have no refuge and quite a time getting him out.
Let him move back with his parents if they think they can "control" him so much better than you.

Otherwise you risk him stealing your keys again and hurting someone with your car, and
I believe you'd have some liability plus the guilt.

This guy is heading for a big big crash. It sounds like you plan (I hope) to get plenty of distance
and let him be in charge of himself while you continue your recovery apart from him.
I think it is very unlikely he will be getting sober in the near future from what you've said, so protecting yourself and your possessions seems like a wise choice.

Good work on getting things clearer in your mind shil--it isn't easy when you love them,
but it is what needs to happen, as you've indicated.

shil2587

Yup, I took all my stuff. Left him to handle the movers and his landlady and his mother. He's not coming here for the foreseeable future.

AliWProk

Oh, happy ending! I'm so sorry you're in this situation, shil but you have made your move and your boundary, and you are living it. Good for you. Hawkeye's advice is spot on.