Newcomer, looking for hope and support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 10
Newcomer, looking for hope and support
Hi, I am new here. I have been,married to my AH about eleven and a half years. We have been separated for 2 months. I spoke to my husband last night,and it hit me really hard that he is not going to change his drinking habits. I have been emotional all day. I also attend Al Anon and my sponsor has been very helpful. My AH has been hospitalized twice due to Pancreatitis , lost his job and and has 1 DWI but of course he doesn't accept responsibility for anything. My AH's functionality is dwindling. He sometimes gets groceries or some stuff from the drug store. The only thing he is cosistent about is buying the alcohol. I have a job for which I am ver grateful. My AH spends most of his time drinking or in bed. I know I have to make a change regarding my marriage because I can't live like this anymore. I love my husband, he has a great heart. I don't want to leave my husband but I,know my marriage is coming to an end and its breaking my heart. I wanted to share this with people who I knew would understand. Thanks for reading.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, and welcome!
I've been in your situation--I sadly had to leave my second husband when he went back to drinking after almost dying of it. I still cared for him very much, but could not bear to watch him continue to self-destruct.
It's great that you are finding Al-Anon helpful. You are in a good position to make the healthiest choice for yourself and your future. Those choices are sometimes very painful, but there is light and freedom on the other side.
Glad to have you here with us.
I've been in your situation--I sadly had to leave my second husband when he went back to drinking after almost dying of it. I still cared for him very much, but could not bear to watch him continue to self-destruct.
It's great that you are finding Al-Anon helpful. You are in a good position to make the healthiest choice for yourself and your future. Those choices are sometimes very painful, but there is light and freedom on the other side.
Glad to have you here with us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 10
Thanks LexieCat. It's very hard to watch someone you love basically committing slow suicide and there's nothing you can do to stop them from doing it. I spent so many years tryong to control my husband's drinking to no avail. It took mw a long time to realize there's nothing I can do about it. It's up to my husband if he wants to get better. I know I need to take steps to make my life,healthier. Thanks for the welcome
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Welcome. Your AH sounds much like my mother, though I haven't talked to her in three years, so what I know of her declining status is through the grapevine. There were other factors in my going No Contact, but I couldn't watch her do that to herself and spread the blame around. Had a lifetime of blame heaped on my shoulders already. It hurts knowing there's nothing we can do, and that the best course of action is to leave them to their own devices. But that's the only way they can have a chance of hitting bottom. Sounds like your AH likes to keep digging once he lands, though. My AM does, too. (((Hugs))) You've found a great group of supportive people here.
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