I think he relapsed...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 154
I think he relapsed...
but I'm ok. A year ago, I never would have been able to function on a day like today. I would have been a friggin' mess: calling family members, friends, crying on the phone to my mom, hunting him down, pouring out the bottles, and draging him home.
Instead, today, after having an extremely suspicious phone conversation with my A who was confused, slurring, and making no sense, I was able to hang up, send a text message to say that I knew he was drinking, turn my phone on airplane and continue on with my day. I went to ballet, took a bubble bath, chatted with friends about an upcoming trip we have planned, made myself dinner, and am watching a favorite movie. And, truthfully, I am relatively unconcerned about what he is up to. It will all come out eventually, and I can make a decision later about what I want to do with it all.
A is (was?) nearly 8 months sober. About to graduate (this coming wednesday) from his IOP program, and was just at a meeting yesterday afternoon. It's sad to know he probably flushed all that hard work down the toilet, but that was his choice. I certainly didn't force him to drink. And I can't make him stop.
And, so, I snuggle up with my kitty and just try to be gentle with myself. I hate to be home alone, but I am dealing with that too. Life goes on, doesn't it? What an incredible lesson to finally learn.
Instead, today, after having an extremely suspicious phone conversation with my A who was confused, slurring, and making no sense, I was able to hang up, send a text message to say that I knew he was drinking, turn my phone on airplane and continue on with my day. I went to ballet, took a bubble bath, chatted with friends about an upcoming trip we have planned, made myself dinner, and am watching a favorite movie. And, truthfully, I am relatively unconcerned about what he is up to. It will all come out eventually, and I can make a decision later about what I want to do with it all.
A is (was?) nearly 8 months sober. About to graduate (this coming wednesday) from his IOP program, and was just at a meeting yesterday afternoon. It's sad to know he probably flushed all that hard work down the toilet, but that was his choice. I certainly didn't force him to drink. And I can't make him stop.
And, so, I snuggle up with my kitty and just try to be gentle with myself. I hate to be home alone, but I am dealing with that too. Life goes on, doesn't it? What an incredible lesson to finally learn.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You sound great!
I'm sorry for the relapse. His hard work hasn't NECESSARILY been flushed down the toilet. Hopefully he learned some things, and learns from the relapse. Time will tell how he deals with this.
Proud of you.
I'm sorry for the relapse. His hard work hasn't NECESSARILY been flushed down the toilet. Hopefully he learned some things, and learns from the relapse. Time will tell how he deals with this.
Proud of you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 154
Thanks guys! I am so relieved to be in a healthier place. I spent YEARS acting like a crazy person. For the first time, I am just moving on along, with or without him. Makes me feel confident that, if it came to it, I could leave. That I would be just fine.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Recovery can be a jagged road, and relapses don't necessarily mean he threw everything away, although at the moment it feels like it. Relapses can even make the resolve to be sober even stronger. I hope he's able to get some help in his IOP today.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 154
Well. He definitely relapsed. Confirmed today by his own (slurred, bizarre, sad) admission. His mom emailed me upset that she hadn't heard from him, and instead of covering for him, I let her know what was going on. I reached out to a friend and told him what was going on, but didn't go on and on about it. Was just honest, and then used the rest of our time together to laugh and catch up.
He called to say there were no flights home. I used his credit card to book him a flight home and sent him the confirm in a text message. It was obviously a lie that he couldn't find a flight, because I didn't spend more than 90 seconds before it was booked and done. I wasn't really trying to solve a problem for him, more that I was trying to call him out on being an idiot for lying. Not my money, I don't care if he misses the flight.
Emotionally though...I feel really mad. Mad that he is so selfish and careless. Mad that the life we were rebuilding wasn't enough for him. Mad that I gave him a second chance and he didn't value that.
I just have to get through this week. I am leaving for 2 weeks on vacation with my best friends after that. Hopefully the space will bring some clarity.
He called to say there were no flights home. I used his credit card to book him a flight home and sent him the confirm in a text message. It was obviously a lie that he couldn't find a flight, because I didn't spend more than 90 seconds before it was booked and done. I wasn't really trying to solve a problem for him, more that I was trying to call him out on being an idiot for lying. Not my money, I don't care if he misses the flight.
Emotionally though...I feel really mad. Mad that he is so selfish and careless. Mad that the life we were rebuilding wasn't enough for him. Mad that I gave him a second chance and he didn't value that.
I just have to get through this week. I am leaving for 2 weeks on vacation with my best friends after that. Hopefully the space will bring some clarity.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm sorry, Jeni. I know it really really sucks. My guess is he wanted to sober up before he saw you, not that he couldn't get a flight home.
Hugs, vacation is coming. Some time away, with your friends, will be so good for you.
Hugs, vacation is coming. Some time away, with your friends, will be so good for you.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Jeni I'm sorry he relapsed, it's a pity. Have a wonderful vacation. Time away is a good thing for perspective and re-charging the batteries.
I suppose he'll use your absence to drink some more?
I suppose he'll use your absence to drink some more?
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Sutton Bonington, Loughborough
Posts: 43
Thank you Jenibean87 ! You've given me insight to a possible future event and shown the right way to deal with it. The alcoholic in my life comes out of rehab next week so she could relapse very quickly. But gotta have faith and look after me. Thank you again :-)
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