mamaof3boyz

I am a mother of 3 boys. I married my husband 10 years ago. He was clean for 10 years when I met him. He told me 4 days ago that he started using after 20 years of sobriety. I've never known him not to be sober. I never knew him during his dark times. I started noticing he was making excuses to leave the house. He was nodding out at the dinner table. He would spend a lot of time in the bathroom. He was acting very mellow and always tired. I confronted him a few times and he said he was taking an extra klonipin every night to deal with the stress of work and to try and sleep. I bought his lie. He came to me one night saying he was going through withdraws from the extra klonipin. He said he needed to see a specialist that will help him detox from the klonipin. I asked him if there was something else going on. That's when he told me he'd been using heroin. I asked him how long and he said a few weeks. After asking many more questions I found out he spent about 2,000 on heroin plus another 300. From my wallet. Looking back everything makes sense. I'm so hurt by the lies he told. I recently suffered a second trimester miscarriage and am heart broken we lost our baby girl. He actually made up a lie about having a gift made in honor of the baby. He used our baby as an excuse to go out and get high. I asked him where the gift was and he said there was never a gift. He lied to go buy more drugs. I'm heart broken, angry, confused. I told him he has to start going to meetings. Says he is going tomorrow. I also told him he needs to tell his best friend of his relapse. He said he told him tonight. He has always been very ashamed of being an addict. He doesn't tell anyone he is an addict because he is embarrassed. What can I expect from here? What can I do now?
He was driving our young children while he was using. I can't overcome the anger I feel.

Bmac

The most important thing right now is to ensure the protection and safety of you and your children. This is a horrible situation and I am so very sorry that this is part of your journey in life. Everyone on this board is here for you. Continue to post as much or as often as you like. You are not alone.

Do you have the option of maybe staying with a friend or family member while your husband is using so that you and your kids do not have to be exposed to his addiction?

Ruby2

I'm sorry you are going through this and I'm very sorry for the loss of your baby girl.

My husband is an addict and it's rough. Separate your finances right now as best you can and hide any money, credit and debit cards and checks. If you have jewelry you value, hide that. I'm not kidding. My husband pawned my wedding ring once to buy drugs.

Sadly, you can't make him stop but you can protect yourself and your boys. Check out the forum on here for family and friends of substance abusers. There are a bunch of really great, supportive people there.

Hang in there!

mamaof3boyz

My in laws live local so I could stay with them however that would mean I will have to break the news to them that their son is using again. My husband said he is going to a doctor who specializes in suboxene, I think it's called. It will help wean him off from the heroin withdrawal. Is this situation safe for my children to be around? He has never been violent and loves his children to death. Is it necessary that I leave if he starts his detox? I know it's a personal choice but I would like some feedback.

IOAA2

Hi.
I’m sorry for your circumstances and strongly suggest getting in touch with Al Anon in your area to help with your difficult period.
Also a good help is Friends and Family Forum on this site. They all have suffered what you are now, good people.

BE WELL

Latte

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.

I used while drove my kids around for years. I love my children and I never wanted to hurt them but I put them in danger so many times.

I was talking to a GAL (guardian ad litem/ie lawyer for children) and she said that she never doubted that her drug addicted parents love their children, but the number one thing in the situation is safety.

This could end up being a long trip, so I would recommend Al Anon or Nar Anon for you. I know Al Anon really helped my ex/kids Dad this time around. It took the end of the marriage for him to do it though.

My thoughts are with you and your kids.

Welcome to SR!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!