DoubleDragons

So, I got a call from my codependent father this evening stating that my alcoholic mother was in the hospital. She had fallen while they were out drinking Friday night and had been taken to the hospital by ambulance. It turns out that she broke her heel and they thought that she would need surgery. He doesn't bother to call my sister and I until 24 hours after the event happened. Later this evening he calls me to tell me that luckily she now doesn't need surgery and that her tests all came back normal. WTF??? How does someone have normal tests when they drink ridiculous amounts of alcohol every single day of their lives?? I am so angry. I had been praying for them to have a wake up call for so long, and I thought it had finally came, and all she gets is that everything looks good and normal. I want to puke. I am so angry.

LexieCat

Some alcoholics are physically affected sooner, and more severely, than others. Was HE present when the results of the tests were discussed? Or is he going on what she has told him?

Well, I'm glad she is OK. My second husband wound up in the hospital with pneumonia, and he went through a life-threatening unplanned detox while he was in there, complete with seizures, restraints, hallucinations, and a week-long coma, followed by liver/kidney failure. Trust me, you don't wanna go there.

DoubleDragons

How long does it take to detox? I have seen her shake before. However they have her doped up on morphine and pain killers.

LexieCat

Usually anywhere from 3 days to a week or so.

dandylion

DoubleDragons....the vagueness of those words make me very suspicious. I wonder if your father talked directly to the doctor? What tests?
I don't think that you can take these words as evidence that chronic alcohol abuse is not affecting her body. Perhaps she hasn't hit her critical tipping point (yet) to cause dramatic symptoms in her various organ systems.

dandylion

FireSprite

My friend's mom was a severe alcoholic, suffering a myriad of health issues that were related to her drinking. It escalated as her disease progressed, becoming way more obvious. Even after she became visibly jaundiced and her doctor-daughter had read her charts, she insisted her tests all came back fine. And her husband swore she was right, enabling her right up to her death. Their denial took on a life of it's own.

ladyscribbler

So sorry DD. Thinking of your family right now. The meds are probably keeping her withdrawals at bay.
Take care. Any chance you can get out to an Alanon meeting tomorrow?

bird13

FireSprite, thanks for sharing that. That is incredible. I almost can't believe denial can be so strong..?

Ddragons, I am sorry! That is frustrating hoping and then hearing that.. What fire sprite said though really makes me think that denial is what is happening here and maybe you are questioning reality wondering if you are the one losing it. Whenever I feel that way I always remember that it IS a progressive *disease* period. Those are the facts no matter what else is "happening" outside of that. I always questioned myself the "normal tests." Been there heard that second hand source as well and I don't know how trustworthy that is. Ever.

bird13

FireSprite, thanks for sharing that. That is incredible. I almost can't believe denial can be so strong..?

Ddragons, I am sorry! That is frustrating hoping and then hearing that.. What fire sprite said though really makes me think that denial is what is happening here and maybe you are questioning reality wondering if you are the one losing it. Whenever I feel that way I always remember that it IS a progressive *disease* period. Those are the facts no matter what else is "happening" outside of that. I always questioned myself the "normal tests." Been there heard that and it wasn't from the Dr's mouth either.

DoubleDragons

Thanks, all. Bird, that is exactly what I am feeling. I feel like I am the crazy one, the drama queen. My sister said, when is God going to be on our side?

AnybodyNobody

Hi DD, sending hugs your way.
It is so hard to watch my AM clearly in ill health and in denial. When she went to detox (I was there with her at the ER and then intake appt) they said oh well your liver enzymes are elevated you should see your GP when you get out of here. End of conversation. And of course she has not gone to her doctor since detox. Still drinking. Weighs less than 100 lbs, and her hair is falling out. I totally get where you are coming from with wishing there would be a wake up call incident. Unfortunately as others have said the denial our A's can live in is amazingly strong.

DoubleDragons

Denial, yes. She is equating this to her friends' elective hip and knee surgeries. She is saying that she only had two drinks, but when asking her details of what happened Friday evening, she clearly has no recollection of the events. My AM had the nerve to ask me if I had off this week. This past Christmas she was so drunk in the middle of the day that she ran into the ocean with her clothes on then fell on the beach and wouldn't allow anyone to help her up. She has come to my son's soccer games with black eyes from falling. I am so sick of this sh3t and her denial of everything. She tried to give me the BS that she got a clean bill of health and I told her that it would have been insurance fraud for the hospital to do any kind of testing on her other than what was related to the foot and she quickly changed the subject. I really need to find a way to process all of this because I am so freaking angry.

DoubleDragons

Btw, she doesn't have a primary care doctor; she hasn't had one in years. She is a big believer in not looking for trouble and my dad is happily volunteering to be her 24/7 caretaker for the next six weeks, which my mother seems to think is no big deal!

DoubleDragons

Now, I am at a stage of feeling sorry for her and feeling confused. Sometimes I feel harsh and judgmental. I am just so sick of the emotional roller coaster.

NWGRITS

Your posts remind me why I've been No Contact with my AM for so long. She's fallen down the stairs and broken her nose, had a public meltdown, lost her home, and been in a nursing home learning how to walk again. And she's still drinking. Over 40 years of it and no signs of stopping. The only person who knows and alcoholic's bottom is the alcoholic. Same for the codependent enabler. You're taking on so much that is simply beyond your control. Drop the rope. Find a meeting and immerse yourself in recovery work - focus on yourself and what you want out of life. They're going to do whatever they're going to do, and none of it is your business or in your control.

happybeingme

DD, like Grits I had to go no contact as well. I could find no other way. It was too crazy making for me. The lies and manipulation. Just try to understand that your mom will do absolutely anything she has to to continue drinking. All you can do is watch.

DoubleDragons

I know that my posts aren't any different than the posts from the spouses where you say to yourself, Why don't you leave them already?!? I don't know why I don't cut her off. It's a mix of fear, pity, wanting to go back to "fake world" where we were all pretending that everything was great. There is also the fear of the loss of a relationship with my father and the loss of a sizable inheritance, if I am honest. I think it is time for me to go back to therapy.

Latte

This sounds so much like my Father. He is finally sober, but it took a huge wake up call and Parkinson's to stop him. My sister (a nurse) stepped in and took over all medical care. She goes to all of his major doctors appointments and tells doctors just how much he drinks/drank.

Your story is yours-it is different-to you. I would never discount a persons struggles just because others here-including myself-have been there. We are all on our journeys. My job is not to judge yours but to share my experience, strength and hope, so I can be of service.

My thoughts are with you.

FireSprite

((((((hugs)))))) I know this feeling. It helps me to remember that it isn't Judgment when you are judging based on someone's real actions.

Then it's just The Truth, or sometimes - Educated Guesses Based on a Long Standing Pattern of Behavior. I shouldn't have to feel badly because I am fairly judging another's behavior as toxic toward me/mine.

Definitely agree that now is a great time to double up on your self-care efforts..... meetings, step work, massages, reading, yoga, meditation, walks in nature.... whatever works for you.