Mentium

I am a long term problem drinker with a daily habit, now sober for a week. Booze hasn't wrecked my life, though it has challenged it. I have done OK on the whole, but I am sure I would have had a happier one - a lot happier - if I had not developed the problem. I certainly would have had a calmer, more peaceful and less harrowing one for sure. Last year I was sober for close to 11 months and drank again a few weeks after my dad died last October, though I would not attribute my drinking to that. No doubt there was a connection though.

I am an atheist and left AA last year in large part because it stopped making any kind of sense to me. The programme is full of contradictions and inconsistencies to my way of thinking, but so be it. It has helped millions apparently.

I am done with drinking. I really feel that. I have had relapses galore. More, I would say, cycles of getting to the point of despair with alcohol and somehow dragging myself away from the precipice. I have done that over and over until finally this last time I was in a more terrified, anxious, fearful and downright general state of illness of being that it was, perhaps, some sort of rock bottom.

Given that this area of the forum is about secular approaches to stopping and given that I have a secular view of the world, I wonder what people here feel about the idea of simply stopping and quitting because one has simply had enough of the whole damned thing.

I should add that I have a plan and support, including addiction counselling, in place, so it isn't totally solo. I am also active here.

freshstart57

I'm all for it.

Since you are sober a week, you have dried out enough to make a fully considered plan about using alcohol. And yes, most certainly, you can 'simply stop drinking and quit'. It really is very very simple. Whether it is easy or not, is completely up to you. You can decide it will be easy and just get on with it and never look back. Or you can decide that the degree of difficulty will be entirely irrelevant to your success. And never look back.

I know you can do this, Mentium. I am pulling for you. Decide what it is that non-drinkers do, and then do that. Onward!

LBrain

absolutely,

just quit. you don't need anything other than your desire to quit and stay quit.

I've always said, the only sure way to stop is to want to stop more than you want to drink.

samseb5351

There are probably people that do that all the time, we just don't always hear from them. In Smart recovery its called a "crystallization of discontent" and is probably the biggest motivator there is, I guess its kind of like living the decision instead of chasing it.

dwtbd

At my first full revolution of the sun sober, I got my avatar in recognition of having had 'enough' and meaning it.

JeffreyAK

Everyone who quits, at some point takes his last drink and drinks no more, so if you're there you're there! What support you use or don't use during the post-acute-withdrawal period is up to you, but sounds like you have some ideas already about what does not work - which helps refine a plan for what might work.

brynn

Mentium....that is exactly how I quit and became a non drinker!
I simply made a decision to never drink again and never change my mind (that last part is what sealed the deal....no daily debate over whether I will drink or not)!
It's totally doable, my friend!

Mentium

Thanks guys. I can honestly say at this point (early I know) that I feel I have made the decision you guys are referring to. I find myself wondering if half the problem with quitting over the years has been that I wanted to drink more than I wanted to quit as Lbrain puts it.

Perhaps, without wishing to generalise, that is why it is so tough for so many others.

jazzfish

I think many of us suffer from an ambivalence towards quitting. We want two things: 1) to avoid the consequences of our drinking, and 2) to get the pleasure from drinking. The problem is that we never controlled 2 in manner to achieve 1. In our (usually) vast experience, attempts to drink in a moderate manner that avoided the consequences never worked. Those repeated attempts were based on delusion and fantasy. So really we are faced with two options. The first, avoiding consequences by not drinking, has a very clear and solid basis in reality - don't drink and avoid the outcome. The second, drinking and avoiding consequences, is based in fantasy - I could never drink and avoid the consequences. Quitting to avoid the consequences became the rational choice.

In terms of discovering/nurturing the appropriate want, I found it more helpful to think in terms of whether I wanted the short-term pleasure of alcohol or the long-term consequences; and which action would get me what I wanted, and which option did my life's evidence support.

mecanix

With both depression and drinking i got to a point of "just having had enough" and that is when the change happened .

I'd read books about how to do it all but it never worked until the pain of carrying on was worse than the pain of change , it was lucky for me that it happened on the living side of death as both can be fatal .

For me the only way i can describe it is the dropping of it all … a watershed breached .. the blowing of a psychological fuse ..

Where it leaves you i'm not sure but it's better than a drinking life

Mentium

I think (I hope!) that fuse blew just before I quit eight days ago. I realised that it was getting harder and harder to get the traction for day one and that it would get increasingly hard if I kept on this agonizing cycle of drinking till I felt like this and then somehow crawling my way back from the precipice, only to start crawling towards it again after a few days, weeks and occasionally months. I also realised that there was no real pleasure in this any more. The sheer awfulness of what I was feeling leading up to quitting was probably the worst it has ever been.

Never say never of course. I need to be very careful, but I hope that 'fuse' really has well and truly blown.

Cascabel

For me, as well, it was a case of reaching the "no more of this crap" point. I woke up one morning after a night of not having had too much to drink and felt just great (relatively speaking). I said to myself "this is what I've been missing" and that day made my "Big Plan". This happened over a year ago. My support has been this web site and RR.

dwtbd

If enough is enough, its a great time to say "Never", totally doable,

MesaMan

Mentium ~

What you describe in your Post #11 is precisely what it feels like - and precisely what is required - to continue Long Term Sobriety.

An unfortunate side-effect of the assorted Recovery ideas that swirl around us all is that Sobering Up has all these superimposed conditions associated with it. Then, there's 'Insider' language that is used as part of what I call 'The Politics Of Alcoholism'. Mumbo Jumbo. Example: you have to hit some universal, externally-described 'Bottom' to then Sober Up. Ummm, that would be a huge 'No'! To quote my old Folk Hero 'Bullwinkle The Moose' on Saturday morning Cartoons; chanted while he wore a Turban: 'Eenie, meenie, Chili Bean_y, the Spirits are about to speak'! Strip away any Mumbo Jumbo that does not ring true to you; the sole Person whose Sobriety need concern you.

After the initial 'Quit Moment', a Person seeking Sobriety is then saddled with peeling back all these distractions - about none of which enhance Sobriety - to reach the Simple Truth. You've just hit the Sobriety Mother Lode: you can just up and quit. Of course, Lifestyle changes are now req'd, as is Support as you define it. Mine is SR/RR.

I have what I call 'Sober Alien Theory'. To establish that Aliens exist, you need find only one. Not 100. Well, the same is true for us Self-Recovered Folks. To prove such Self-Recovery is possible [and feasible], you need find or hear of only one of us. Numerous 'Aliens' live among us, right here on SR.

As the very-knowledgeable Freshstart57 says, >1 week is enough to be sufficiently clear-headed to assess what you now need do as your next Actions. View with great suspicion anyone who tells you differently; that you intrinsically don't have what it takes to succeed. Better that you blow a Fuse now, rather than blow the rest of your Life.

We're here for you!

-

readerbaby71

Hi Mentium.....it sounds like you have support with SR and counseling. Really, the rest is up to you. For me it was a matter of changing my mindset and seeing myself as a nondrinker. For me, a lot of introspection and self-discovery was necessary for me to see that I am more of my authentic self when sober, and that I like me! Don't let anyone tell you that you have to be part of a structured program to succeed. Some people need it, but not ALL. You can create your own program and work it.

You can do this!

Johnston

That sums it up for me.

readerbaby71

I forgot to mention......in the beginning I did use the Women for Sobriety program, which is nothing like AA. It's very empowering and I still use the 13 statements of acceptance in my daily life. They can be applied to anyone, male or female.

freshstart57

Never say Never?

That would be the AV right there.

Mentium

Freshstart - I hear you, but I didn't want to sound too cocky!

silentrun

Glad to see you around again. I had a definite two roads moment. I still needed support and probably should have gotten a therapist. Throw everything you can at this.