rockstonic

So it's Friday night. And my mom asked what I was up to. I told her I was going out with friends. Now she's chain sending me messages about not drinking. I have 111 days. I wouldn't go out to dinner if I didn't feel comfortable. I know the serenity prayer and I know she sure isn't going to change. But it's hard to feel serene about it. Her bombarding makes me want to do what she tells me not to do. My drinking urges are low, but my anger is high.

She means well, but she never ever listens. I feel like I need to set a boundary with her. But every time I confront her about bombarding me she freaks and gets defensive. She's just trying to be "helpful." "Mother knows best." But her help just hurts. She never asks me about how I'm doing, except to remind me to "Be good and not drink." I'm just feeling really angry and have nowhere to direct it. In the past I would just drink about it. Now I'm just left with this mad feeling that has nowhere to go. Can't I just go out to dinner without this hanging over me?

INgal

I'm your mom. My son is on Antabuse and hasn't had a drink in 63 days. He is going out to dinner tonight and I am a nervous wreck, no matter how much I tell myself it's in his hands. I am sure your mom is trying. She has probably been through so much that I hope you can try to understand. olease don't use that as an excuse to drink. You know that isn't the right response. Take care of yourself and have some sober fun!

rockstonic

I hear you. I'm really not going to drink about it. I'm feeling too good about the new direction my life has been taking in sobriety to start backtracking now. It's just that it's about HER worry. The street doesn't go both ways. I'm her cheerleader and her therapist. I have to make her feel that I'm okay and then she disengages. She's happy as long as she feels like "I'm doing good" and she doesn't want to hear it when I'm struggling. I tried to tell her earlier this week about what I'm working on in therapy and she cut me off to talk about herself. Now I tell her I'm going out and suddenly she's all engaged in my sobriety because SHE'S worried.

I'm not shifting blame. It can't be easy to have your child going through such a difficult time. I know she worries. I just wish she'd actually try to talk with me and not talk at me to make herself feel better.

Hereandnow2

So interesting. I'm a recovering alcoholic and did similar things to my sister due to her frequent binge drink and become suicidal thing. It helps me hearing your side. It is selfish. She doesn't want to worry, she needs the reassurance, yep that was me and my mom. It helps me to remind myself. I am only responsible for my feeling behaviors and actions, she is responsible for hers. If she chooses to worry that is HER choice.

DrunkenDonuts

Sounds like my mum. I'd point out her behavior to her and ask her to listen to you a bit more.

Got a sibling who can back you up?

Dee74

It took longer than I expected for people to trust me again and not be worried about me. It is what it is, and while they may overreact '& try to run our lives we gave them years of stuff to overreact about and times they had had to step in etc,...


Thngs will settle Rocks. Dont get angry - just try and see your mom loves you. Just tell your mom you're fine, you're turning your phone off and you'll cll her tomorrow morning

D