Somehow at peace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Maryland
Posts: 178
Somehow at peace
I've been staying at my parents for about a week now and it is truly great to be home! They only live an hour and a half from my place and work, but that means a whole 4 and a half hours from my Abf (or whatever he is at this point.)
I haven't seen him in about three weeks- which is a blessing in disguise given the circumstances lately. If you haven't heard the latest, check out my last posting.
I am angry. It's about the only extreme emotion I am feeling. I am past the worrying, the constant urges to call/text, the wondering about drinking/what he's doing. I'm past all of that. Now I am on to being angry and for now, I am OK with that. I deserve to be angry. All of the lies, the hurt, the drinking, the cheating, the DISRESPECT and DISASTER to our relationship just kills me. But I am at ease knowing that no other relationship from here on out will be any better. He will continue to lie, cheat, feed BS, drink, etc.
I do have to admit though, given the latest circumstance, I do wonder if he relates all of this turmoil and tragedy to his drinking. I know the answer is a big fat NO-but somewhere deep inside I wonder if he knows.
He will occasionally text and say goodnight or I love you. I respond with goodnight and I love you back, because it is the truth. I did love him; I do still love him. And I'm angry. Because we eventually will not be together does not mean that we didn't love each other. It just means we are done hurting each other.
The timing is ironic- the timing of joining SR (March 1st), him cheating on me, contracting his STD, his drinking becoming progressively worse. And I am OK..
I cannot thank you all enough for all of your postings and support. I probably would not be at this mindset without you.
I haven't seen him in about three weeks- which is a blessing in disguise given the circumstances lately. If you haven't heard the latest, check out my last posting.
I am angry. It's about the only extreme emotion I am feeling. I am past the worrying, the constant urges to call/text, the wondering about drinking/what he's doing. I'm past all of that. Now I am on to being angry and for now, I am OK with that. I deserve to be angry. All of the lies, the hurt, the drinking, the cheating, the DISRESPECT and DISASTER to our relationship just kills me. But I am at ease knowing that no other relationship from here on out will be any better. He will continue to lie, cheat, feed BS, drink, etc.
I do have to admit though, given the latest circumstance, I do wonder if he relates all of this turmoil and tragedy to his drinking. I know the answer is a big fat NO-but somewhere deep inside I wonder if he knows.
He will occasionally text and say goodnight or I love you. I respond with goodnight and I love you back, because it is the truth. I did love him; I do still love him. And I'm angry. Because we eventually will not be together does not mean that we didn't love each other. It just means we are done hurting each other.
The timing is ironic- the timing of joining SR (March 1st), him cheating on me, contracting his STD, his drinking becoming progressively worse. And I am OK..
I cannot thank you all enough for all of your postings and support. I probably would not be at this mindset without you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
You have every right to be angry as hell! I am glad you are with your family - i am glad you are taking care of yourself - and I am glad you have some clarity about who he is. Sending you strength and peace (two things this place give me too.)
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