recoverlife

just wondering about relationships in recovery. my friend and I meet about a year a go and she relapsed at 9 months clean then can back no shes back with the guy that broke her heart and decided to use. the guy don't want her to be around me or the other women in the rooms and don't want her to work or anything. shes so in love with him that she only talks to me and the other women when he's not around and changed her sponsor because he wanted her too...he's seeing sleeps around the room but shes blind to it. i care about my friend and it hurts because we are so close. i cant talk to her about it or she will just not include me in her life...she quits talking to anyone that says anything about him. i know I'm powerless and hurt not knowing what to do. any experience, strength or hope would be appreciated.

Dee74

Hi and welcome recoverlife

I dunno - I'm not really sure things are doing to change until she sees this guy for what he is.

Thats the time she'll need her real friends?

D

Soberwolf

Welcome Recover its nice to meet you

Barry18

Your friend has her choice, she needs to ask help for herself so you can do the action.
It's hard involving yourself to others life.

BernieE

Men come and go but girlfriends are forever.

Nowsthetime

I think you would be best served if you take a break from this relationship if it is causing you problems (internal problems). You can't come between her and her man. Let that relationship between then run its course. If you guys are meant to be friends it will be. I had the same situation and I had to cut her off my life. I just couldn't stand seeing her putting up with all his BS and abuse. They ended up getting married and having a kid. When the kid was 2, they got a divorce and now she has a DV order against him. I reached out when I got pregnant (I was hormonal) and now we are friends again.

I think you should avoid all drama during this time. The focus should be you and those who bring positivity to your life.

Gottalife

One time my sponsor saved my life in a similar situation. I got involved with this dreadful woman who I met in AA. I didn't think she was dreadful, but there was history I didn't know about as I was only a few weeks sober.

Here is what my sponsor did. NOTHING. he bit his tongue and prayed for me. He waited until what he knew would happen did happen, and he was there for me at the time I needed him most.

There is a reason the big book tells us not to try and sort out people's relationship problems. It's a matter for God and no one else.

So what if he'd tried to talk sense into me? He would just help me put up a barrier and when things went wrong I wouldn't have gone back to him, because I could not have stood the " I told you so". There was no way I was ready to take that kind of advice, and the best thing he did for me was let me make my own mistakes, which turned out to be wonderful opportunities to learn and grow.

My suggestion is bight your tongue in respect of your friends messy relationship, let God sort that out. Just be her friend and be there for her when the chickens come home to roost. That's when she will really need you.

JT0626

This, all of this!!! It's hard to watch a good friend go down a bad path. All you can do is be her friend. Don't even mention the boyfriend when you guys talk. One day she will see him for who he is, that's when you come in to give her a hug & reassure her that you are there for her.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Recoverlife!!