kreepygreen

Apologies for the length...I am newly 10 days sober, went to my 2nd AA meeting last night, going to another tonight. I dont have a sponsor, dont really know "how" to acquire one lol. But feel like I could benefit from one...I am reading the 12 steps for christians along with the regular 12 steps book, I started journaling, I think its helping.

I have abandoned some of my closest family and friends to start this journey, as their influence is really bad for me, most of them are also alcoholics and my best friend I am completely co-dependent on, our relationship is probably the most dysfunctional... Its really freakin hard, to leave behind this past, the people and everything I have ever "known"...so I am hoping to find community here and in the new groups I have been going to. I guess my questions are:

-suggestions on how much time to spend on each step? I was going to do 1month/step but I am already through, journaling and all the 1st step, and I write Alot, I am just re-reading it and trying to fully adapt it into my daily life. I am unsure as to when I will "know" if I have really lived it. I am definitely in the feeling helpless, I am powerless stage, I have given it all to God, I dont really "feel" good though, maybe the first step is not supposed to feel good? lol idk.

-suggestions on getting to know people in my groups, so I can actually make sober friends, so I dont feel like I am doing this alone. Or so I dont feel like I just go to a meeting, feel good but when I leave the group I am alone again, like when Im home and when Im not at work etc..just typing this makes me depressed...geeze. sorry =/

-I havent got to the step where you "say sorry" to everyone you have harmed yet, so I am kind of jumping ahead. But I have alot of anticipation about this one..so I was wondering, how do you all do it? What if the people you hurt you want to apologize to, but you dont actually want to "reconcile" i.e. I dont want them back in my life like they were before because it wont be good for me. I know Im jumping but I have anxiety about this one, so ANY suggestions may ease my worried mind =)

-Do any of you still socialize with old friends that drink? How do you do that?

-I also have "stupid" questions like can recovering alcoholics drink "non" alcoholic beer? Or kombooca (bad spelling). I have no problem giving up the tea. I only started drinking it a month or two ago because I read it was good for your digestion etc. I cant lie I love the taste of beer and since San Diego became a hub for craft brew I would love to go tasting. Hard liquor is actually my problem (vodka specifically). Beer never got me in trouble, always took me too long to drink. Sometimes to the point where I would have to put it in the freezer to get it cold again, but I did like the actual taste, the hops. Vodka tho, that I could chug and get drunk fast on, and she was my nemesis. Anyways, so I was just curious about the fake beer and the tea.

-Lastly, I went thru the shakes, nightly cold sweats etc the first 3-4 days. Today, about my 10th day sober I had to make a drs appt. I have been having extreme stomach pain and side pains. They did not say it was serious and recommended misc things, I did tell them I was getting sober. Do you think this could be a detox thing? I have a real high tolerance for pain, so I can say it was bad for me to see a dr. Wondering if anyone else has experienced similar pains.

Thank you all for any suggestions, I welcome constructive criticism as well =) Hey Ive gotten this far so a little critism wont kill me right. Thanks everyone -Tiff

Soberwolf

Welcome Keepygreen

Anna

Hi,

We can't give any kind of medical advice so I'm glad you talked to your dr about the stomach pain.

For me, non-alcoholic beer/wine is not okay. It was too much of the 'feeling' of what it used to be like drinking real wine. As well, non-alcoholic beer/wine has alcohol in it.

I don't use AA but I think when you get a sponsor you will get the information you are looking for. You could also ask others at your meetings.

Like you, I had to remove some friends/family members from my life and make other fundamental changes in order to recover. It's so much more than just stopping drinking. It's not always an easy road but it is worth it.

LBrain

welcome kreepygreen,
there is a Christian forum and a 12 step forum on this site. Introduce yourself there when you have some time. Look off the main forum menu.

In the meantime, glad you are here.

Alynn

Hi! I've only just went to my third meeting today. I'm looking forward to the community of meetings! I found my sponsor at church actually. We have a class for recovery which helps alot. I just wanted to welcome you! SR is my everyday sobriety tool. I have the app on my phone to browse on free time! So glad you are here with us!

sg1970

Hi kreepy

I would really recommend working with a sponsor on the steps. It can be done alone but a good sponsor can speed up the process as well as be more productive. In my opinion doing a step a month is taking too long. Working the steps is where you get relief so the sooner the better. A sponsor could also answer some of your questions about the amends (step 9). Don't stress over that step now. The steps are in order for a reason. You will understand when you get to it.

As far as meeting people and picking a sponsor just keep going to meetings. Alcoholics tend to be a little unsocial so make it a point to approach people and talk to them. Show up early and stay after the meeting and chat. Talk to the chair person and get a phone list and tell them you are looking for a sponsor. Ask if there is any service work at the meetings you can help with like setting up chairs. The good old timers will take notice of a newbie pitching in. When people are sharing listen and observe them carefully. Look for someone who you can relate too when looking for a sponsor. Ideally you will pick someone rather than being assigned a sponsor. I would strongly recommend asking a potential sponsor if they work the steps according to the Big Book and how quickly they work them. As I said before the quicker the better in my opinion.

Best wishes.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Tiff

I'm glad you're seeing your Dr. That's the best way to get the best advice.
I'm not in AA either so I'll leave those questions to others.

Yes I socialize with some people I used to drink with now...I'm a musician and we play together...but there's been a buffer of 8 years recovery in between.

I couldn't associate with them for a long long time. I had to leave clear difference between the man I was and the man I wanted to be.

Now the reason for getting together is music - we play, they do their thing after, I do mine and go home

I don't drink NA things.

My experience is I don't drink NA beer (for example) because it looked like beer, felt like a can of beer, it smelt like beer, it had that same condensation thing on the can like a beer, the same fizz and foam when you pop the can, tasted like beer (kinda)....

Then I'd wonder why I'd go out everytime and get 'real' beer.
I was still knee deep in old behaviours, and didn't even realise it.

As a former beer drinker I know it ticks all the boxes for me, and opens the door to old behaviour and old thought paterns.

I don't recommend it.

why would you choose NA beer when there's so many other great things to drink that won't remind you of the past?

I'd have to ask myself is it really the taste of a beer you want, or are there other things happening here as well?

D

sugarbear1

Talk with people, see if anyone has worked those steps and have had a change in their life because they worked those steps. They can be done quickly by following the big book or you can take your time, but I worked them quickly the first time and had a major change in my life!

Then I studied them with my sponsor. Yes, a sponsor will help you more than you realize if they are about working with you to get them done. I've worked them several times and am able to help others work them, too!

SoberLife90

You remind me of myself! I too tried working the steps on my own. I wasn't working them very well...although I thought I wasn't doing too bad of a job. I stayed sober for a year that way...then I ended up going to AA. Wanted to help others. Anyways people would tell me how to get a sponsor...JUST ASK. If someone says "No", whatever, ask someone else! I used to sponsor myself when I was working the steps on my own. My current sponsor told me that I was sponsoring an idiot! Anyways now that I have a sponsor I am working the steps how they are meant to be worked and wow am I growing. I am gaining so much AA knowledge and have a strong understanding of steps 1-4 because I am only on my 4th step. Of course I haven't mastered it and I'm still learning. We never graduate in the AA program and we are constantly learning more and growing into better and better people. I think you should go and get a sponsor so they can help you work the steps. You will be glad that you did!

Gardennerd

I think getting a Sponsor will help you. A lot of sponsors want to find people to Sponsor people, it aids them in their recovery as well. I'm only on step 3, but things are going much better.

I too loved craft beer, southern California here too. I'm sad about missing that, but I don't miss the hang overs and massive negative consequences.

Good luck!

Berrybean

It doesn't work as one step a month as some steps have lots of parts to them and will need a lot of reflection time.

It's great that you want to immerse yourself. The daily reflections are great for that. You can buy a book of them or they're free online. I start my day here. Then reflections and prayers (I have my daily ritual that I worked out with my sponsors encouragement to do so).

Alcoholics Anonymous : Daily Reflection

I don't see my old drinking buddies much - well, my best friend I do, but only since she stopped trying to sabotage my sobriety, and we do non-drinking things instead of what we used to do (last Saturday we did a car maintenance course!! lol).

After I'd worked through some long-standing resentments against my best-friends from pre-alcohol (the ones who I'd thought had deserted me!!) I was able to get back in touch with some of them and have had some lovely times with them. I'm not on 'making amends' yet either, but it's almost like 'Living Amends' when we change our behaviour for the better and don't expect something in return (even recognition / comments).

I became more active in my local church and have made a few friends there as well.

I also try to be more active, so that is another way of meeting non-drinking friends.

Keep it simple at first though. These are big changes, and there is no rush to do all the steps in a certain time scale.

sugarbear1

I found my first sponsor when I heard her speak, related to her pain she spoke of, and I ran to her after she spoke so I didn't miss talking with her....that was day 12

she offered to help me out by guiding me through those steps on days 14 and 15 of sobriety...I worked with her for 2 days, working the process quickly and as honestly and as thoroughly as possible those two days and I did have a spiritual awakening as a result of working those steps...

she didn't live here and was just visiting, but led me to some people with good recovery, I found another sponsor (one of the people who showed her how to work those steps quickly, for relief) and I worked those steps again at 4 months and 8 months of recovery, again at 18 months of sobriety.......

our stories are our own, and this is mine

with love and hugs,
~SB

IOAA2

Hi.
Some good advice above.
Try to think of a sponsor as an advisor, someone who can be temporary or very long term. Until recently mine was close to 25 years of which many things were done together like a lot of fishing.
Often one is chosen because we admire the way they speak and or handle themselves at meetings and have 1 or more years sobriety. Also try to remember that not all sober are cut out to be a sponsor for various reasons and also men for men, women for women.
It’s a good idea to join a group and become active in it which helps becoming acquainted with the members. Setting up the hall, making coffee, speaking, cleaning up being the secretary and other things are considered being active.

BE WELL

Gottalife

The aa solution to alcoholism is a spiritual experience which comes about as the result of working the steps. Until it comes about, alcoholics of my type have no effective defence against the first drink. So time is of the essence.

I disagree with others who say you have plenty of time. How do they know? I have years of experience working with alcoholics and I still can't tell how long anyone has to get the work done. What the others are telling you is that they could take their time, and they think the same rule applies to you.

It took me three months to get to step nine and have a life changing experience. I wouldn't even suggest you have three months. You have as long as you have before the obsession returns. The only sensible thing to do is get busy today. The instructions for taking the steps (gaining knowledge through studying them is. Not the same as taking them) can only be found in the big book. Find a sponsor to guide you through them, one that understands there is a limit on how much time you have.

The usual time for taking the steps in AAs glory days was around four weeks. The steps are a set of principles to live by, so we never quite finish with them. First the obsession is removed, then we are shown how to grow and live a worthwhile life through continuing to practice the principles in all our affairs.

thomas11

Hi Kreepygreen, it certainly sounds like you've done some homework on getting sober. It also sounds like you are very intelligent and serious about sobriety. As you can already see, you will find tons of support and advice here. Congrats on 10 days and I wish you the very best.

The only comment I have is that eliminating your circle of drinking friends, while hard, is necessary. Good job.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Kreepygreen!!

kreepygreen

Its so funny, I went to a meeting last night and was told that its not good at all to work the steps alone. I had no idea, Im so used to utilizing self help books, but I guess if I am the one who got me in this mess to begin with how much self help can I do lol. And it makes so much sense that I wasnt getting very much out of it haha. I will keep going to meetings and definitely be on the look out for a sponsor, in the meantime I will read the big book =) Thanks to Everyone for all your super helpful suggestions!

kreepygreen

I do think I will miss the taste of beer, but its so much more important for a complete recovery so Im not even going to worry about the NA beer or the Tea, it is not worth it...and I can already see the things in my life growing in a super positive direction. My pains have subsided and I was invited to a CR womens retreat, pay and all, so I am feeling very blessed. Thankful that God is using my F-ups to pull me in the direction I am supposed to be. Thank you so much for all your support. I am SOOO glad I found this place! Its just yet another way to get support and I am beyond grateful <3