Roxxxy

Ive been posting recently about my possible alcholic friend. My mission in this situation was to understand not fix him.

Anyhow, today it's official. We are no longer in contact with one another. He has made it clear that he cut me off. I'm literally anger yet at the same time heartbroken.

The issue was that I wanted to simply have a phone conversation. He's been dodging talking to me on the phone for the past three weeks. Why? He says I'm dramatic and intense. I explain I'm that way towards him because he messes with me emotionally and mentally. Drinking all the time causing fights with me. Head games. Playing with my emotions. Btw, it was a friendship with an interest with one another. Yet, we kept it as friends.

In the meantime, here I am an idiot posting on this site trying to understand him - hoping to clarifynhis actions with me on why he's ignoring me. Maybe it's his depression? Or His alcoholism? Geez. It turns out it's all of the above. A selfish mentally ill drunk who is in denial. His excuse for not talking to me tonight was.... My head hurts from all the beer. His excuse last night was, my foot hurts. His excuse the night before was I'm having a rough day. Tonight I expressed to him in text that the way he treats me is horrible causing me mental and emotional abuse. I called him a name and he pretty much washed his hands with me.

Anyways... He took me off facebook and I'm sure blocked my number. What an ass. I'm seriously pissed. Go ahead ya'lll you can say ... I told you so.

Just venting - in a major anger mode.

FeelingGreat

Roxxxy your interest in him is probably threatening his drinking. You may not have even mentioned it, but the prospect of getting close with someone is a threat.

Personally, I wouldn't go near someone who abused me, even if they were drunk at the time.

Roxxxy

Great - I tryining to understand what you mean.... Your saying that because I was trying to get close to him he felt it as a threat. As in, taking him away from his drinking? If this so, then why would he mention having a possible beautiful life with me in the past.... Love, marriage and kids?

Treerat66

Hi Roxxxy, forget trying to understand this guy with any type of logic. He wants to drink and will twist and turn every which way to do it. Even talking to you is time away from the bottle. You deserve someone far better.

Hawkeye13

He is showing you who he is--an abusive person with a drinking problem.

The chances of a happy future with someone like that are pretty low.
I suggest you block his number and start doing things to attract a healthy, loving person into your life.

You deserve it

fluffyflea

It's called a manipulative hook.

fluffyflea

They don't like to talk about anything real. They want to continue with their lies and manipulations to keep you hooked. But they are unwilling to look at themselves or change anything. They want everything their way and do not care about your feelings in the slightest.

Please don't take his actions personally, he is a selfish,self centered active alcoholic.

NYCDoglvr

First off, you can't possibly understand him and even if you did it wouldn't make any difference. If you're having a tough time letting go -- and it sounds like you are -- I suggest Alanon, where your own healing can start. It saved my sanity and was instrumental in moving on to a better place. Life is too short to let an alcoholic live rent-free in your head.

dandylion

Roxxxy...do a google search for "Madea--let folks go". She gives the best advice I have ever heard on situations of this type...

dandylion

FeelingGreat

A's are full of plans to quit drinking, get their lives in order. Maybe have someone come along and save them.

When it comes the crunch it's very hard to stop drinking. When you've confronted him about his behaviour he's found sobriety too hard. I'm sure he knows he's not treating you right but he isn't ready to quit, and doesn't want to talk about it.

dandylion

Roxxxy....chances are, he was drunk when he made these far-reaching statements. Even if he was "sober"...the brain still does alcoholic thinking.
Drunk guys talk a lot of smack.

You can't believe anything a drunk promises.

dandylion

FireSprite

Yep, he could've felt his addiction was threatened by a relationship, sure.

Wondering WHY he says the things he says is a serious waste of your time. Even HE probably doesn't know why he said/what he meant.... he may not even remember saying them, ya know?

It sounds to me like you are holding onto expectations without even realizing it. (I did for a long time.) These are the things I'd be asking myself: why did *I* pursue this when I seem so aware of all the red-flag behavior? Why persist when he's not even answering my calls? Why keep pushing when I keep getting insults, blame-shifting, denial, head games? He's not expressing a desire to change in any way but I seem to expect a change in his behavior somehow? Why? Based on what?

((((hugs)))) I'm sorry you are hurting.

doggonecarl

With the door closed on alcoholic number 2, I hope you work on the reasons you get into these kinds of relationships so you can avoid alcoholic number 3 in the future.

hopeful4

Vent Away! I am sorry you were hurt. XXX

Delray

Roxxxy - I remember I had a similar friendship/relationship with a man right before I met my husband. He was such a great friend, we had such great comradery, lots of fun nights out, some close talks, etc. People always thought we were together but nothing physical ever happened. He drank too much and I think he had a borderline depression. He wasn't where he wanted to be financially or professionally and he drank to escape that. He'd talk about life and marriage and yada yada and I started to think maybe he was talking about me too. One day I sat him down to talk about it, and it pretty much went the way your conversation did. We didn't have Facebook back then, but effectively our friendship was cut off. I still wonder how he's doing occasionally, but I know now that that would not have been a healthy relationship for me for the long term. And I hope that you realize that you too deserve better - someone you can talk with who won't run away and cut you off, someone would be open to discussion of healthy habits, etc. You won't cure him, that's for certain, so now you can use that energy to focus on yourself. Good luck!

Roxxxy

Thank you everyone for your comments, they mean a lot and have given me comfort. I know his behavior has nothing to do with me. Yet, I can't help but to take it a little personal.

However, overall I'm doing good. Im actually taking it pretty well. To tell you the truth it's kind of a relief not talking to him, our conversations were never nice. The emotional and mental abuse he put me through was un-real and just not fair. Although I have no one to blame but myself.

I'm not sitting around depressed. Instead, I'm focusing on myself and moving on with life. I guess you can say he did he a favor by cutting me off haha