Oh, here we go
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Maryland
Posts: 178
Oh, here we go
I am continuing to seek therapy, read self help books, and write in my journal. This past week has been rather tough and I am left not knowing how to feel. I am seeing classical similarities across my relationship to all of your stories.
Sadly, I found out that my Abf has been cheating on me emotionally and physically (one time) with another woman. His drinking 2 weekends ago was progressively worse and involved ACTUALLY sleeping with her and he told me that he wanted to.
Today I was experiencing a painful outbreak "down there." I am not even sure this is the place to be sharing such information but I am NOT SURE where to go, what to think, how to feel...I went to the dr, and they told me it was HSV. (All you have to do is google HSV..if you're not familiar with the acronym.)
I am at a loss. It is a game changer. It makes me feel that I now can't leave him like I was planning to because no one else is going to want me. I communicated with him about my current shock down there, and he is being rather supportive. I feel that this is effecting EVERYTHING.
Hurt, confused, and emotionally drained. Don't know where to go from here.
Sadly, I found out that my Abf has been cheating on me emotionally and physically (one time) with another woman. His drinking 2 weekends ago was progressively worse and involved ACTUALLY sleeping with her and he told me that he wanted to.
Today I was experiencing a painful outbreak "down there." I am not even sure this is the place to be sharing such information but I am NOT SURE where to go, what to think, how to feel...I went to the dr, and they told me it was HSV. (All you have to do is google HSV..if you're not familiar with the acronym.)
I am at a loss. It is a game changer. It makes me feel that I now can't leave him like I was planning to because no one else is going to want me. I communicated with him about my current shock down there, and he is being rather supportive. I feel that this is effecting EVERYTHING.
Hurt, confused, and emotionally drained. Don't know where to go from here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 537
I'm sorry you are feeling so hurt - I'm sure we all would in the same circumstances.
Are you saying you are thinking of staying with him because you think no one else will want you with an STD? Just wanted to clarify before I posted.
Are you saying you are thinking of staying with him because you think no one else will want you with an STD? Just wanted to clarify before I posted.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Maryland
Posts: 178
Originally Posted by jarp 
I'm sorry you are feeling so hurt - I'm sure we all would in the same circumstances.
Are you saying you are thinking of staying with him because you think no one else will want you with an STD? Just wanted to clarify before I posted.
Are you saying you are thinking of staying with him because you think no one else will want you with an STD? Just wanted to clarify before I posted.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
It makes me feel that I now can't leave him like I was planning to because no one else is going to want me.
So sorry this happened, but you deserve better than a cheater who has no regard for your health. Being on your own is better than this. With medication and proper precautions, you don't have to transmit this to future partners.
He is being rather supportive.
Well that's awfully big of him, considering this is ALL HIS FAULT! I've never met this guy and I want to Lorena Bobbitt him.
I am seeing classical similarities across my relationship to all of your stories.
That's because alcoholism is a disease with predictable consequences. As much as we want to think our alcoholic is "different" or "not typical" and that our relationship is special and we're not like all these other miserable people, there is a fairly consistent trajectory if the alcoholic doesn't enter recovery.
So sorry this happened, but you deserve better than a cheater who has no regard for your health. Being on your own is better than this. With medication and proper precautions, you don't have to transmit this to future partners.
He is being rather supportive.
Well that's awfully big of him, considering this is ALL HIS FAULT! I've never met this guy and I want to Lorena Bobbitt him.
I am seeing classical similarities across my relationship to all of your stories.
That's because alcoholism is a disease with predictable consequences. As much as we want to think our alcoholic is "different" or "not typical" and that our relationship is special and we're not like all these other miserable people, there is a fairly consistent trajectory if the alcoholic doesn't enter recovery.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: sitting down and facing front
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler
[B]I've never met this guy and I want to Lorena Bobbitt him.
RedDog, I think leaving is guy is far more an option than staying with someone who is making you not only miserable, but physically sick as well! Take care
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 112
Thankfully, it wasn't HIV. You are not "damaged goods".
I know a few women you contracted HSV during their college days. Each one them are in happy, healthy marriages and haven't had outbreaks in years.
That said, how dare he put your health in jeopardy.
I know a few women you contracted HSV during their college days. Each one them are in happy, healthy marriages and haven't had outbreaks in years.
That said, how dare he put your health in jeopardy.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
OMG, he gave this to you through unsafe sex, the selfish pig!
It's only contagious to a woman's partner when they're having an outbreak. Hopefully you won't have another outbreak, but please seek the best advice you can about this.
Far from stopping your leaving this is the best incentive. What else will he bring home?
It's only contagious to a woman's partner when they're having an outbreak. Hopefully you won't have another outbreak, but please seek the best advice you can about this.
Far from stopping your leaving this is the best incentive. What else will he bring home?
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 112
Originally Posted by FeelingGreat
OMG, he gave this to you through unsafe sex, the selfish pig!
It's only contagious to a woman's partner when they're having an outbreak. Hopefully you won't have another outbreak, but please seek the best advice you can about this.
Far from stopping your leaving this is the best incentive. What else will he bring home?
It's only contagious to a woman's partner when they're having an outbreak. Hopefully you won't have another outbreak, but please seek the best advice you can about this.
Far from stopping your leaving this is the best incentive. What else will he bring home?
That's inaccurate!!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Of course you are. That is normal. You have a couple issues here not only did your bf give you this but he also cheated on you. He is emotionally involved and physically involved with someone else. He lives two hours away from you so your ability to know what he is doing is pretty much nil.
Being with a partner you cannot trust is lifetime misery. Understand this is not about alcoholism. There are plenty of alcoholics that don't cheat. What he is really up to you don't have a clue. Most likely this isn't a one time deal.
You don't have to decide anything today. Take care of yourself and your health mentally and physically. You need to rest and treat yourself well. Let the dark clouds clear then figure out what you are going to do about him. You don't have to give yourself a life sentence to be with this man based on the HSV he gave you.
I work in an industry with a high population of gay men. I have seen a couple of my friends end up with HIV from a BOYFRIEND (most of the time who knew and said nothing). My business associate was one last year. While we don't see as much of that in the straight population it is entirely possible to to get HIV through straight sex. Don't be a statistic. In all likelihood due to his blackout drunkeness your BF will not change because this has happened. He has unprotected sex and now that he has herpes at least he doesn't have to worry about it anymore. Scratch that, he never worried about it. That's why what is happening to you happened.
Your alcoholic is showing you who he is. Believe it.
Being with a partner you cannot trust is lifetime misery. Understand this is not about alcoholism. There are plenty of alcoholics that don't cheat. What he is really up to you don't have a clue. Most likely this isn't a one time deal.
You don't have to decide anything today. Take care of yourself and your health mentally and physically. You need to rest and treat yourself well. Let the dark clouds clear then figure out what you are going to do about him. You don't have to give yourself a life sentence to be with this man based on the HSV he gave you.
I work in an industry with a high population of gay men. I have seen a couple of my friends end up with HIV from a BOYFRIEND (most of the time who knew and said nothing). My business associate was one last year. While we don't see as much of that in the straight population it is entirely possible to to get HIV through straight sex. Don't be a statistic. In all likelihood due to his blackout drunkeness your BF will not change because this has happened. He has unprotected sex and now that he has herpes at least he doesn't have to worry about it anymore. Scratch that, he never worried about it. That's why what is happening to you happened.
Your alcoholic is showing you who he is. Believe it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by Earthworm
AND SCREW HIM!
RedDog, I'm with ladyscribbler and redatlanta. He is not special or different. He is an alcoholic who also cheats. As others have said, what you know about is likely just the tip of the iceberg. If this is the best it ever gets, are you prepared to live w/that?
I'm sorry you find yourself in such a bad situation, but you do have choices too. Wishing you strength and clarity.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh sweetie, this is all the reason in the world to move on. You are not damaged goods! Be proactive with your health and have a doctor you can talk to and be completely honest. They can guide you and make sure you get the care you need. They also will tell you tons of other people get it and move on with a happy life.
I agree, it's good it's not HIV which would be much worse. What a terrible thing to do to your partner. You deserve so much more!
I agree, it's good it's not HIV which would be much worse. What a terrible thing to do to your partner. You deserve so much more!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I am so sorry. Nothing like a horrifying humbling moment where they show us that yes, they are a very typical abusive addict, and or a d-bag to boot. That clears up our terminal uniqueness quickly - and in such a painful way.
Between HPV and HSV, a large percentage of the population has an STD. I hope your doc checked to make sure that is ALL he gave you. I assure you that this will not be the end of your romantic life outside of him. I know you are in shock. I am certain your heart is broken. We have to go through a grieving period for the loss of what we thought we had. Part of that is anger, and I hope you get ANGRY AS HELL - SOON. You have every right to be.
You've learned so much in general and about yourself in the last couple of weeks, and you know that clinging to your abuser (cheating and passing on an STD are emotional and physical abuse IMO) will only keep you sick. You are smart, strong, and deserve so much better than this. You can have it - it just takes some hard painful steps to be well on your way there. Please be gentle with yourself today - take care of YOU! (((HUGS)))
Between HPV and HSV, a large percentage of the population has an STD. I hope your doc checked to make sure that is ALL he gave you. I assure you that this will not be the end of your romantic life outside of him. I know you are in shock. I am certain your heart is broken. We have to go through a grieving period for the loss of what we thought we had. Part of that is anger, and I hope you get ANGRY AS HELL - SOON. You have every right to be.
You've learned so much in general and about yourself in the last couple of weeks, and you know that clinging to your abuser (cheating and passing on an STD are emotional and physical abuse IMO) will only keep you sick. You are smart, strong, and deserve so much better than this. You can have it - it just takes some hard painful steps to be well on your way there. Please be gentle with yourself today - take care of YOU! (((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I'm sorry this happened, RedDog. I wish I could say I was surprised but I have been on these forums too long for that (only a little more than two years, sadly).
I'm obviously concerned about the total lack of regard and respect he has shown you and your relationship. But I'm completely and totally alarmed by your conclusion that you might as well stay because no one else will ever want you. Even if that were true (which I promise you it is not), people survive and thrive without romantic involvements every single day. The key isn't finding someone who'll take you, it's learning to accept, respect and love yourself as someone who is deserving of acceptance, respect, and love just as you are!
Do you see a counselor? You deserve far better than this, but I'm not convinced you know that.
I'm obviously concerned about the total lack of regard and respect he has shown you and your relationship. But I'm completely and totally alarmed by your conclusion that you might as well stay because no one else will ever want you. Even if that were true (which I promise you it is not), people survive and thrive without romantic involvements every single day. The key isn't finding someone who'll take you, it's learning to accept, respect and love yourself as someone who is deserving of acceptance, respect, and love just as you are!
Do you see a counselor? You deserve far better than this, but I'm not convinced you know that.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
It is a game changer. It makes me feel that I now can't leave him like I was planning to because no one else is going to want me. I communicated with him about my current shock down there, and he is being rather supportive. I feel that this is effecting EVERYTHING.
It's okay to be p***ed off that your cheating boyfriend gave you an STD. It's even better if you cut him out of your life. The gamechanger here is that your cheating boyfriend gave you an STD from his extracurricular activities. It has no reflection on your worth.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
Been here. Done this! Amazing how she tried to actually turn it around and blame me for it. Somehow!!!
Fortunately I never caught anything, but I will NEVER forget the day she called me in a RAGE saying she has an STD!!! I knew, at that instant, we were over.
She never touched me again and I was DONE!
Fortunately I never caught anything, but I will NEVER forget the day she called me in a RAGE saying she has an STD!!! I knew, at that instant, we were over.
She never touched me again and I was DONE!
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