_erin

I am cuurently on probation, and one of my stipulations is that I had to take a substance abuse course. I have not drank since February (alcohol is my drug of choice) because I do not want to mess up my probation, but I am counting the days until I can. I know that I have a problem abusing alcohol and have questionable behavior, but how do I know if I'm truly an alcoholic? My substance abuse group leader has made some comments that I seem to have "a love affair with alcohol" and this kind of rocked me. I'm just not ready to admit to alcoholism until I can be sure. How do I know that's what it is and I don't just use (abuse) alcohol to self-medicate a deeper problem? Any input would be very appreciated.

Dan

Hi Erin and welcome to SoberRecovery.
Do you use alcohol to self medicate something inside you that's bothering you?
You say you were "rocked" when the group leader said you had a love affair with alcohol. How so?
Last question I want to ask you is this. What do you call a person that abuses alcohol and behaves in a questionable manner because of it?
I'm in recovery. I love alcohol. My favorite drug also.
My behavior when drinking wasn't only questionable, it was reprehensible and criminal at times.
I drank and used from day one to escape feelings and emotions I couldn't cope with.
Am I an alcoholic?
Yes. But I denied it for as long as I could.
Glad you're here Erin.

usatoday

Hi Erin,
Alcoholic here for over 15 years. If you're wrestling with that particular question, then chances are that you're on your way to becoming an alcoholic. Alcoholics can be anyone, even the best of us. It's not something to be ashamed of...but something to acknowledge and deal with. If people around you are noticing it, and you're wrestling with it, take the right direction forward and get support. Don't waste another minute trying to sober up alone. Sobering up is not all bad and it's alot better than feeling isolated and alone in a downward spiral. No one can serve up the answers on a platter...you're going to have to do the work...but there's lots of help and love in these pages...people who have groveled, cried, reached out, swallowed their pride, surrendered, prayed, argued, and laughed...yes laughed..their way to sobriety. I hope you find some inspiration in these pages from people who did the work. It's an honor to be among them. :heart:

Anna

Hi Erin,

Welcome!

I abused alcohol and used it to self-medicate physical pain and emotional pain. I'm an alcoholic.

Try not to be overwhelmed by the name 'alcoholic' or the idea of not drinking forever. We're here to offer support.

I hope you hang around and get to know us.

Love, Anna

_erin

Thank you for the replies

I'd like to answer your questions. I was using alcohol to deal with depression and anxiety, mostly anxiety. I get so anxious that I can't sleep or get through everyday tasks. But when I'm drunk I'm not anxious. I was rocked by my group leader saying I had a love affair with alcohol because he has never even seen me on alcohol. I've had my boyfriend and others say my drinking was getting out of control, but I blew them off. But when someone I don't know very well who has gone through alcoholism mentioned I might be one, it stuck with me. I don't know if I would call someone with my behavior an alcoholic. Most people would just say I'm being young. But I am recognizing the way I drink isn't normal and is unhealthy, and if I keep drinking this way I'll end up an alcoholic. I just want to be very certain of what my feelings and behavior mean.

I have pretty much isolated myself from everyone except the family I live with and my co-workers, so I don't get much input on this subject, so thanks to all who replied.

David 1

Hey Erin, I am an alcoholic and have been sober for ten months. I found a website that may be of interest to you - www.alcoholscreening.org There is a short questionnaire that seems to contain fairly standard questions that will give you a little insight on your drinking patterns.

I know quite a few people that love wine and they are not an alcoholic, so your counselor's statement must be taken in context and should probably not be considered a diagnosis.

One of the key indicators is the ability to abstain and limit alcoholic intake. Nonalcoholics don't even have to worry about these issues - alcoholics do; we drink to get drunk and have a hard time quitting or starting an effective recovery - denial is another problem area.

Take a look at the website and honestly take the assessment - that may help!

Dave

_erin

Thank you for the website. I answered based on my behavior when I was drinking and it said my drinking might be a problem.

I cannot limit my drinking. I always drink to the point of drunkeness. I always want to be drunk. There have been times when I've said I was only going to have two drinks, but that became six. Actually, every time I've tried to have just one or two it ends up much more. I rarely drink fewer than six, and when I drink it's usually until all my alcohol is gone or I fall asleep. I can't just have one or two, and that's the area where I really think I have a problem. I can isolate myself from everyone and abstain completely or I can binge. There is no middle ground. Once I start drinking I just cannot stop.

I have also gotten very angry when I could not have alcohol. I would get very nervous if I knew the store was closing soon, and I wasn't close to passing out drunk. This cause a lot of irritation between my boyfriend and myself. My life was all about when is the next time I can get drunk and ecape the anxiety and depression. And I usually got drunk alone. I don't go out and party. I sit in my room and kill ten beers by myself.

If it matters, I also compulsively spend and have a lot of debt for someone my age because of it.

Don S

Hi, Erin,

You can use the term 'alcoholic' to describe your behavior if it will help you stop doing that behavior. Some groups use it; other don't. You can find long, interesting debates on these forums about what alcoholic means, whether it's a disease, etc., if you happen to be interested in that. I don't use the term as I consider it primarily to be defined by AA and that it may be an obstacle to sobriety for some people.

The point is that you have a compulsive behavior that is affecting your life--your emotional wellness, your finances, your relationships, and it has apparently had legal consequences. You aren't happy about the behavior and neither are those around you. So it doesn't really matter what you call it, does it?

It seems you also have another compulsive behavior, and you've already identified some of the possible triggers to one or both of those behaviors. So learning some new tools for coping with anxiety and depression could help you achieve longterm sobriety, and getting support and learning strategies for avoiding drunkenness would help get you started (i.e., short-term sobriety). All recovery groups that I know of help with the short-term strategies, and some may help you with the long-term issues. Or more focused counseling might. That varies so much by individuals that it is hard to say what will work best for you.

You asked on the AA forum if AA would be appropriate for you, and (not surprisingly) folks there all felt it would be. But you also mentioned that you are an atheist. Some folks can reconcile their atheism with the spiritual approach AA uses; others can't. I personally feel that it's simplest to choose a recovery program with which you share a basic world view. So you might want to learn about the other options that exist and see what fits best. Here's a link that compares several:
http://www.rrci.net/recovery_spectrum.htm

Thanks for posting, and welcome to SR!
Don S

In memory of miracle

I believe in the disease concept of alcoholism , that means for me i believe I have a disease and with my disease comes " denial " I had to wonder why even though I was faced with jail time I continued to drink . I continued to use alcohol in the face of terrible consequences thinking it was the solution to my problems instead of the very problem itself . Last time I was around social drinkers I didnt hear them talking about their probation due to drinking , or the lonliness drinking was causing in their lives . If alcohol causes troble in your life , than you have a " problem " . I use AA as my means of recovery and it is suggested to go to 90 meetings in 90 days , dont drink and if at the end of this time ,we decide to drink or find AA is not for us , we can have our misery refunded .

Don S

Hi, erin,
This sentence really stands out for me in your post.

Congratulations on not drinking since February! This is a great opportunity, as you are at a point which many people have a lot of difficulty reaching.
It's a time when you can look clearly at the benefits of NOT drinking, now that you're sober for six months, and weigh them against the costs of your prior drinking.

It's a chance to figure out what you did to stop drinking, and how you might be able to use those techniques if or when drinking becomes a problem for you in the future. Then you'd have a plan for achieving short-term sobriety if you should choose that again.

It's a great opportunity to review why you are counting the days: what is it you miss about alcohol, that you would look forward to it in the face of all those obvious drawbacks that you've written about? Once we know what we are drinking for, we can start to find other ways to deal with those things--anxiety, boredom, depression, social tensions, relationship issues, etc.

So if you are 'counting the days' -- what is it you are hoping for when you can 'finally' drink again? Consider this: for many people, getting to where you are is so difficult that they don't get the chance to think clearly about these things. Many people have a big struggle deciding whether they are going to quit drinking, and where they are going to find the motivation to do so. You have done so, and though the motivation was provided externally (by the courts) you might want to keep in mind that it is easier to stay sober than to get sober. Each sober day makes the next one easier to attain.

This is a great place to talk about what's drawing you back towards alcohol. Because I can assure you everyone here has had that same attraction.

Best wishes,
Don S

Don S

junem

Most alcoholics use alcohol to medicate a deeper problem that is why when we get sober we have difficulty coping with life and need the support of therapists and / or AA to give us directions to live by.

Sandy Marie

Hi Erin,
I understand the confusion you must be feeling. It's hard to give up doing the things we really enjoy. There just aren't any easy answers. I'm glad you're exploring and researching your habit. The answers will start to come in time.
Hugs, Sandy

Brookie

Hi Erin. I'm Joe, alcoholic. Your counselor's statement rings very true to me. I once read a definition of addiction as forming an compulsive emotional attachment to a substance or activity, whether it be alcohol, drugs, sex, eating, etc. Maybe he read the same book. Anyway, that's certainly true for me, and it sounds like he's struck a nerve with you too. I've got a wife and two young kids, but for a long time I've been cutting myself off others and focusing my emotional and physical energy on alcohol to the exclusion of nearly everything else in life. Given the choice, I'd much rather drink by myself than be with them or anyone else.

I'd echo some of the comments others have said to give AA (or another program) a try and see if you can recognize yourself in what people are saying. I've been doing AA. The spiritual part is a struggle for me too, but nobody's forced anything on me in that regard.

Oh - and congrats on the six months!

Chy

Hi and welcome!
I had a serious love affair with alcohol. Unfortunatly, in order to live, I had to kick that relationship to the curb, as, as the day's went by it was becoming all to consuming and controlling. I had to find myself, learn to deal with anxiety, stress, and just about everything else in life sober. It does take work, but the rewards of sobriety have been well worth it.

Solnubis

Confused is a really good desricptive word for what addiction is. A big confusion is exactly what it is when were are deciding are we addicted to the substance, is it poeple making a mountain out to a mole hill, is it yourself being in denial of your addiction, why are we compulsively into our addiction. It's a hard decision and scary to decide what we are going to do with our lifes. Letting go of a substance that we have used for a long time to cover up pain or hurt or abuse or just dealing with lifes issues. However when we see that this addiction is doing harm to ourselves then we have to face the fact that it may be a problem that we will need to face. And trust me I'm writing this so Ican face my own addiction and realize it's ruining my life.

David 1

My thoughts are with you Erin and Solnubis! Pretty tough stuff, but with the right support you can make it - Just from personal experience though, don't try to do it on your own!

Whether it be meetings, family, the right friends or YOUR higher power, seek out support to bolster your sobriety (and keep it simple - one day at a time)!

Dave

Don S

Welcome, Solnubis, and thanks for posting.
Don S

_erin

Thank you for all the replies. And thank you Don S for the recovery alternatives site. I've pretty much only been offered the route of one on one couseling (which I have never enjoyed) or AA. Almost all the information on staying sober has come from the school of AA, which I know is great for a lot of people, but I'm an Atheist and uncomfortable with the "higher power" aspect. But I have decided to give an AA meeting a try because I'm scared that when my substance abuse group time ends (next week) I may try to drink again, and I know I will definitely drink again next March when my probation is up if I don't continue some kind of group thing.

You have done so, and though the motivation was provided externally (by the courts) you might want to keep in mind that it is easier to stay sober than to get sober. Each sober day makes the next one easier to attain.

Thank you for this thought. I know the first few weeks without alcohol were the hardest.

If anyone was wondering what I'm on probation for I slapped someone. I know it sounds stupid, but I got into an argument with my boyfriend's then best friend, and I slapped him. I happened to be drinking at the time, though I truly think I slapped him out of a fight or flight response. I was feelinig very attacked and cornered. We were at my then friend's home, and after I slapped him I left. Why he pressed charges over it I'll never understand, but I know if he hadn't my drinking would have continued and would have gotten worse. So in a way it was a blessing, and I'm trying to look at this time of probation as an opportunity to do whatever it might be I need to do to try and change my behavior.

2dayzmuse

phil

Hi Erin and congrats on 6 months,

Theres a difference between Alcoholism and Alcohol abuse. Primarily the difference being Alcoholism includes a seemingly uncontrollable craving towards alcohol. Almost like people crave food and water. When you crave it and begin drinking more and more tolerances go up and the disease begins to progress. Some say its hereditary( maybe it is or isnt)but that really doesnt matter. The seriousness of one who suffers from alcoholism gets progressively worse as time passes. Its Physical effects and withdrawls when attempting to stop further aggrivates the craving and physical dependence making it seem to its victim "impossible to stop".

The power of its cravings, the physical dependence, the loss of control and increased tolerances. Are under estimated by Most alcoholism victims until they try to stop on their own, only to find they will require detoxification if drinking for long periods of time. As withdrwls from abstaining from alcohol can become severe. All Alcoholism Victims Have experienced early in their drinking habits abilty to stop or drink social, but as time passes its true nature and power becomes evident as they cannot stop anymore.

Alcohol abuse which in and by itself causes devastation. Alcohol Abusers will drink for a variety of reasons to Party all the time or because of problems and situations. Lose Jobs and Have legal problems. But Very few people whom "abuse alcohol" will ever experience physical dependence nor do they have tremenous craving or experience tolerence issues. Although many of the consequences involved such as legal or relationship issues accompany both afflictions.

Finally, Not to confuse you The term "ALCOHOLIC" Is what we referr to as someone whom abuses and or dependent on Alcohol. They both can be treated, with a Disciplined program.

And think of it this way. Youve been Sober for 6 months. In that period of time Could you have avoided some further problems? from which you were intoxicated or problems related to drinking? whether it be legal, relationship or otherwise? Sure you missed out on some parties but what else did you miss? Or were you spared from further damage? It could have been someone watchin over you Dont take it for granted! Use your best judgement here and not complicate it. "Dont test the waters unless you know what you up against". Yet use it as a learning experience. We"ve all had periods in our lives where we wish we would have heeded the warning.

Best of Luck To you!
Phil