I want to help my dad but he wont let me
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 4
I want to help my dad but he wont let me
Hi all, I am new here. To be honest this is the last place I thought I would be posting on, no offense. I am 31 my father is 63. A bit of background on this situation;
My mom and dad have been married 33 years. Growing up things were fairly normal. As us kids (myself, a sister and brother) moved out of the house their marriage started to struggle. No common interests, bad communication etc. However nothing so bad that it couldn’t be worked on.
Then his behavior changed. My sister and I work with him in the same office; it is a family owned business. We started noticing things right away. He would go on 'business trips' and come back hyper bouncing off the walls. The next few days he would crash, couldn’t talk to him, he was not interested in anything. We found out he was smoking cigarettes and hiding it. Which just the cigarettes are shocking enough if you were to know my dad. Things progressed and got worse. He started twitching, lying, hiding etc.
I thought it was drugs, so I pressured my mom to start paying attention and she did. We found out he has been having an affair with a man. We also found needles and a spoon, no actual drugs though.
This was months ago, present day my mom and dad are starting the divorce process. My sister and I are still working at the office with him. He has refused to acknowledge an affair and has adamantly refused that there is drug use. Yesterday he came in again completely off kilter. He was twitching in his arms, and eyes, he fidgets, was falling asleep in meetings, talking to himself, laughing at filing cabinets, and humming. The humming is constant! Just now he walked by my office humming. Today, he is all over the place with his thoughts and is making no sense. He has been asked to take time off work but he doesn’t understand why, he says his behavior is due to the divorce and stress, and 'it is what it is, he is fine'
I guess I am just looking for some kind words and maybe some advice. I really do think it is drugs but I have no proof. I also have never been through anything like this in my life. I don’t know what drug use really looks like; maybe he is having a complete mental break?
What this has done to my family is a nightmare. We are all there tying to help him but all he does is lie. I havent had a real conversation with him in months other than work related issues. Just feeling lost, its very hard to watch my father and someone I love going down this road.
My mom and dad have been married 33 years. Growing up things were fairly normal. As us kids (myself, a sister and brother) moved out of the house their marriage started to struggle. No common interests, bad communication etc. However nothing so bad that it couldn’t be worked on.
Then his behavior changed. My sister and I work with him in the same office; it is a family owned business. We started noticing things right away. He would go on 'business trips' and come back hyper bouncing off the walls. The next few days he would crash, couldn’t talk to him, he was not interested in anything. We found out he was smoking cigarettes and hiding it. Which just the cigarettes are shocking enough if you were to know my dad. Things progressed and got worse. He started twitching, lying, hiding etc.
I thought it was drugs, so I pressured my mom to start paying attention and she did. We found out he has been having an affair with a man. We also found needles and a spoon, no actual drugs though.
This was months ago, present day my mom and dad are starting the divorce process. My sister and I are still working at the office with him. He has refused to acknowledge an affair and has adamantly refused that there is drug use. Yesterday he came in again completely off kilter. He was twitching in his arms, and eyes, he fidgets, was falling asleep in meetings, talking to himself, laughing at filing cabinets, and humming. The humming is constant! Just now he walked by my office humming. Today, he is all over the place with his thoughts and is making no sense. He has been asked to take time off work but he doesn’t understand why, he says his behavior is due to the divorce and stress, and 'it is what it is, he is fine'
I guess I am just looking for some kind words and maybe some advice. I really do think it is drugs but I have no proof. I also have never been through anything like this in my life. I don’t know what drug use really looks like; maybe he is having a complete mental break?
What this has done to my family is a nightmare. We are all there tying to help him but all he does is lie. I havent had a real conversation with him in months other than work related issues. Just feeling lost, its very hard to watch my father and someone I love going down this road.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
My mom is an alcoholic and the worst of her disease didn't really manifest until she was in her fifties. No matter where you end up on the forum, and no matter what your father's addiction is, you will be told You didn't Cause it, You can't Cure it, and You can't Control it. (the 3Cs) It is so hard to let go, I know. But we really don't have any other choice. Boundaries and taking care of ourselves is what we have to focus on and belief that something bigger than us, will take care of those we love, just as we are taken care of in this universe. HUGS!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Mental breakdowns don't come with needles and spoons.
Drug use does.
It also comes with erratic behavior, lies, twitching. Poly substance abuse is common, with some substances acting as lubricants or gateways for other substance abuse. Once the brain is hijacked on substances, it is not picky WHICH substance it uses to alter itself. It seeks an altered state, an escape from reality, a high or euphoria.
You have a lot of data telling you a story. Many pieces. Any one of the pieces could possibly be explained due to other reasons, but the constellation of pieces is very suggestive of addiction.
Drug addiction often doesn't present proof or admission. But it almost always presents a pattern.
Drug addiction burns through money. It is full of lies and gaslighting. It is defined by denial.
Welcome! I hope you find support here.
CLMI
Drug use does.
It also comes with erratic behavior, lies, twitching. Poly substance abuse is common, with some substances acting as lubricants or gateways for other substance abuse. Once the brain is hijacked on substances, it is not picky WHICH substance it uses to alter itself. It seeks an altered state, an escape from reality, a high or euphoria.
You have a lot of data telling you a story. Many pieces. Any one of the pieces could possibly be explained due to other reasons, but the constellation of pieces is very suggestive of addiction.
Drug addiction often doesn't present proof or admission. But it almost always presents a pattern.
Drug addiction burns through money. It is full of lies and gaslighting. It is defined by denial.
Welcome! I hope you find support here.
CLMI
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