Feeling confused
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 399
Feeling confused
It dawned upon me that the ex and his gf are still together two years on, from what I see she is supportive of his carer.. something that I always was however couldn't deal with the cheating and the lying that went with it.. I wonder if he is thriving in this area of his life now because she is so supportive and he doesn't lie and cheat on her to get far in his career ... He's an aspiring actor and she is a Producer.. I wonder how pathetic I must look to his friends and family because their still together and we couldn't make it work so I must have been the issue.. This makes me feel very angry.. As if to say I am the reason why we didn't work.. I am sick of feeling guilty and shame for things I don't believe are my fault even though reality shows me otherwise.. I am hurt and angry just thinking about all of this... I tried helping with his career in so many ways, sure I couldn't offer him connections like this woman but I payed for his acting classes, rehearsed lines with him, took him to auditions.. and did my best to understand his desires to be so creative... But he was so sly and deceptive in his career and my gut instinct was always right so my concerns about him being deceptive always got in the way of further support and we had lots of trust issues surrounding his career.. Either I am super intuitive and his girlfriend can't see how unfaithful he is or she is worth not cheating on and being deceptive to and I was.. Either way I am the one who looks to be in the wrong because their still together
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
They have been together two years, and you are still obsessing about him and his life killer.
You cannot move on on and heal until you quit thinking about what he is doing all the time.
I'm so sorry this is so painful, but don't you think time to stop putting focus on him and keep it on yourself and your child?
The saying goes "what other people think of me isn't my business".
It certainly isn't helping your situation.
You cannot move on on and heal until you quit thinking about what he is doing all the time.
I'm so sorry this is so painful, but don't you think time to stop putting focus on him and keep it on yourself and your child?
The saying goes "what other people think of me isn't my business".
It certainly isn't helping your situation.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Killer, unless you are a fly on the wall there is no way to know what their relationship is like. She may actually be miserable. They could be using each other or maybe they have an open relationship. In the end it doesn't matter.
Do you really still want this man?
Do you really still want this man?
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Do you really think that 2 years after the fact his friends and family sit around or actively think about YOU? That they compare you and the new woman etc? I doubt they do its abnormal life had gone on. That's all in your mind.
What I do think probably crosses their mind is that your ex is a dead beat dad. Has a son he neither sees or supports. I think you have an order of protection against him if I am not mistaken. He is an alcoholic, sly and deceptive - but you were the only one who knew. Right. He sounds like a Jewel. I am sure people sit around and discuss what a great human being he is and how awful you are. NOT.
What I do think probably crosses their mind is that your ex is a dead beat dad. Has a son he neither sees or supports. I think you have an order of protection against him if I am not mistaken. He is an alcoholic, sly and deceptive - but you were the only one who knew. Right. He sounds like a Jewel. I am sure people sit around and discuss what a great human being he is and how awful you are. NOT.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 156
Hi killer..
Two years is awhile, and I would have hoped in my own situation I would have been further along in my recovery than I am. But that is neither here, nor there, we have to accept where we are if we want to keep moving forward. I related to your post b/c my ex also has a job like this (not an actor tho) where we had a similar relationship around his work. And I was always in my gut feeling that he was unfaithful at times, relating to his work and he was a deeply insecure person, as most alcoholics are. I have known some in real life who cheated up until sobriety. One is now twelve years sober and wouldn't dream of it. However, he told me that in his drinking days, it was not a matter of finding the right gal that would make him uninterested in cheating, it was that he was just a mess, and as a result, a cheater too.. he was just not living/ thinking right and needed something emotionally from everyone b/c he was so sick. It had nothing to do with them, it was all about him and upon sobriety he saw it for what it was. Unfortunately his girlfriend suffered while he lived this way. As we did.
She is no different, and he is doing the same to her. People handle things different ways, and while someone drinks and it is miserable for us and manifests in certain ways, how it manifests for her may be different .. Does not mean it is not horrifically bad and that he is not acting like a slime ball. She may show it in other ways and just keep helping with work. We never know people's insides, but you can be sure that his behavior is the same.
The sad thing is, they get into these meaningless relationships where they use others, for jobs etc, and when they sober up are high and dry with no one who cares for them. Many of the relationships they have during that time are not healthy ones. I saw this with my ex. It is sad really. He was getting " lower companions," just people who he needed to use for work, which in the past he would never make such poor decisions and do half of those behaviors. I saw the progression.
I always had those insecurities that you are describing b/c he always cut my self esteem down and made me feel that I wasn't doing enough for HIS job. It was all very difficult on my mind, while he was literally killing my job opportunities b/c of his insanity and jealousy. All our insecurities from them are with us after the breakup, and we look to see if what they said was right. Whatever you see is not the truth. A leopard doesn't change his spots, and in their case they have to be sober to be changing that deeply rooted unhealthy behavior that they project onto us as if we are the issue.
have faith in your intuition and gut, you know what is right.. doubts are normal and I am sorry you feel this way. When I do, I have a little paper I wrote down the facts that he will do it to someone else.
Two years is awhile, and I would have hoped in my own situation I would have been further along in my recovery than I am. But that is neither here, nor there, we have to accept where we are if we want to keep moving forward. I related to your post b/c my ex also has a job like this (not an actor tho) where we had a similar relationship around his work. And I was always in my gut feeling that he was unfaithful at times, relating to his work and he was a deeply insecure person, as most alcoholics are. I have known some in real life who cheated up until sobriety. One is now twelve years sober and wouldn't dream of it. However, he told me that in his drinking days, it was not a matter of finding the right gal that would make him uninterested in cheating, it was that he was just a mess, and as a result, a cheater too.. he was just not living/ thinking right and needed something emotionally from everyone b/c he was so sick. It had nothing to do with them, it was all about him and upon sobriety he saw it for what it was. Unfortunately his girlfriend suffered while he lived this way. As we did.
She is no different, and he is doing the same to her. People handle things different ways, and while someone drinks and it is miserable for us and manifests in certain ways, how it manifests for her may be different .. Does not mean it is not horrifically bad and that he is not acting like a slime ball. She may show it in other ways and just keep helping with work. We never know people's insides, but you can be sure that his behavior is the same.
The sad thing is, they get into these meaningless relationships where they use others, for jobs etc, and when they sober up are high and dry with no one who cares for them. Many of the relationships they have during that time are not healthy ones. I saw this with my ex. It is sad really. He was getting " lower companions," just people who he needed to use for work, which in the past he would never make such poor decisions and do half of those behaviors. I saw the progression.
I always had those insecurities that you are describing b/c he always cut my self esteem down and made me feel that I wasn't doing enough for HIS job. It was all very difficult on my mind, while he was literally killing my job opportunities b/c of his insanity and jealousy. All our insecurities from them are with us after the breakup, and we look to see if what they said was right. Whatever you see is not the truth. A leopard doesn't change his spots, and in their case they have to be sober to be changing that deeply rooted unhealthy behavior that they project onto us as if we are the issue.
have faith in your intuition and gut, you know what is right.. doubts are normal and I am sorry you feel this way. When I do, I have a little paper I wrote down the facts that he will do it to someone else.
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