New here, longwinded story....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 58
New here, longwinded story....
Hi. Im 31, im most assuredly an alcoholic.You strangers are the only people I have ever said that to.
I got a DWI in 2007 after a 12 hour period where I had something in the range of 20-30 drinks. Crashed in front of my buddies parents house. fast forward 12 hours or so, I wake up in the holding cell wondering what happened. Especially wondering what happened when i saw my bail was at $20,000.
I crashed, refused medical treatment (i was fine, thank ****), refused the breathalyser, Screamed obscenties throughout the hospital, resisted arrest, damaged the copcar i was being held in (mostly kicking the roof and cage), kicked at the cop when he opened the door and got tazed twice as a result. Obviously I remembered none of this.
Charges were dropped to DWI (obviously) and resisting arrest. (from both those plus assault on a police officer, criminal mischief, and something else i've since forgot.)
I did my 6 months and the driver intervention class. I had a co-worker driving 30 miles out of his way to pick me up, so I kept my job at least.
I did learn from the experience, but i did not apply what i learned. I kept drinking. Sometimes moderatley, sometimes heavily. Rarley driving. I got my first apartment when i was 26 and that was great cause I could just drink whenever! I had free trash removal from my landlord and I drove my empty beer cans to the recylcing place in town because I did'nt want him to see how many 18 packs i was drinking, it was ridiculous. At this point I was on a split shift at work, working 10am to 6:30pm. got to a point when I was routinely drinking a 24 ounce labbatt blue on the way home. While stopping at 2 different stores for a 6 pack of 16 ounce pabsts. I was just a mess.
All the while I was doing great at work. Never late. Always told people, in regards to DWIs: "if you get caught once, you feel like an idiot. If you get caught twice, you are an idiot".
So one friday in 2011 after work, went to the liquor store, got a bottle of knob creek bourbon. Spent most of the night having that along with some beers. I came to I think around noon, and a friend had called and invited me to a halloween party. I had MORE bourbon, got ready and headed over there, buying 2 24 ouncers on the way along with a 6 pack of sam adams (gotta buy the good stuff around friends so they think youre just like them right?) I drank both 24s on the way. Hung out over there for maybe 3 hours, the whole time thinking about just going home and doing "actual" drinking. When i decided it was time to leave, my friend, the one who invited me, said to me "dude, you know if you get pulled over you are screwed right?" to which replied (obviously) "i'll be fine".
Literally 200 feet down the road i knew i had made a terrible mistake. I could barley see, let alone see straight. I got to the onramp for the highway, wanting to pull a u-turn and go back and sleep it off. but theres a car there, Im thinking 1 o'clock in the morning, that has to be a cop, so i just get on the highway. this 2 lane highway appeared to be at least 8 lanes. the sporadic taillights seeming to skip and waver down the road. I knew there was absolutley no way i was making it home, one way or the other. The next exit had a gas station the I knew would be closed but, I just figured I would sleep there. I made it the mile or so down the highway, took the slow right onto the offramp, blinker on, passed the yield sign, passed the cop sitting in the median, OH ****! cop!, pulled into gas station with cop turning around to see what i was up to.
She asked if i needed any help. no. I had popped my hood to appear like i was fixing something on this brand new car. I tried to explain that to her. She asked if i'd been drinking, at first no, then maybe 2 beers. Then came sobriety checks which I failed miserably. I blew a .24 at the station.
Aggravated DWI, second offense. Now I was the idiot.
At least there was no fighting this time. It still made me boarderline depressed, maybe even suicidal tho i dont think so. paid my $3500 lawyer and i got 1 year suspended license, 3 days jail, 7 days in 2nd offender program (basically jail with LADC folk).
This time, nobody else was working split shift at work. I had to get a ride in with someone working 1st shift (6am) and then sit aorund till 10 so i could start. It was awful. Then when 630 came around it was either catch a cab back home ($60) or wait till 2nd shift got out at 11:30pm. Thanksgiving eve, 2011 I walked home. Almost 11 miles.
I did my jail and whatnot. I quit the day after mothers day 2012. I had woken up hungover on mothers day, and when family came over to pick me up I was still obviously intoxicated. I quit the next day. I did fine, some odd dreams, hard to sleep for awhile. somewhat irritable. I had had the shakes when i was drinking everyday. we'd be playing cards on break at work and i did'nt think it was super obvious but people would point it out. Supervisor even noticed it one day "just too much coffee?" he asked. "yeah, i guess so". I don't drink coffee. This too subsided with passing time clean.
I had been ordered to see a LDAC counseleor every week for 8 months, effectively increasing my license suspesion to a year and 4 months. I dod'nt quit because of her, but she was obviously very supportive of it.
I'll continue this in another post. Feels good to get the whole thing out.
I got a DWI in 2007 after a 12 hour period where I had something in the range of 20-30 drinks. Crashed in front of my buddies parents house. fast forward 12 hours or so, I wake up in the holding cell wondering what happened. Especially wondering what happened when i saw my bail was at $20,000.
I crashed, refused medical treatment (i was fine, thank ****), refused the breathalyser, Screamed obscenties throughout the hospital, resisted arrest, damaged the copcar i was being held in (mostly kicking the roof and cage), kicked at the cop when he opened the door and got tazed twice as a result. Obviously I remembered none of this.
Charges were dropped to DWI (obviously) and resisting arrest. (from both those plus assault on a police officer, criminal mischief, and something else i've since forgot.)
I did my 6 months and the driver intervention class. I had a co-worker driving 30 miles out of his way to pick me up, so I kept my job at least.
I did learn from the experience, but i did not apply what i learned. I kept drinking. Sometimes moderatley, sometimes heavily. Rarley driving. I got my first apartment when i was 26 and that was great cause I could just drink whenever! I had free trash removal from my landlord and I drove my empty beer cans to the recylcing place in town because I did'nt want him to see how many 18 packs i was drinking, it was ridiculous. At this point I was on a split shift at work, working 10am to 6:30pm. got to a point when I was routinely drinking a 24 ounce labbatt blue on the way home. While stopping at 2 different stores for a 6 pack of 16 ounce pabsts. I was just a mess.
All the while I was doing great at work. Never late. Always told people, in regards to DWIs: "if you get caught once, you feel like an idiot. If you get caught twice, you are an idiot".
So one friday in 2011 after work, went to the liquor store, got a bottle of knob creek bourbon. Spent most of the night having that along with some beers. I came to I think around noon, and a friend had called and invited me to a halloween party. I had MORE bourbon, got ready and headed over there, buying 2 24 ouncers on the way along with a 6 pack of sam adams (gotta buy the good stuff around friends so they think youre just like them right?) I drank both 24s on the way. Hung out over there for maybe 3 hours, the whole time thinking about just going home and doing "actual" drinking. When i decided it was time to leave, my friend, the one who invited me, said to me "dude, you know if you get pulled over you are screwed right?" to which replied (obviously) "i'll be fine".
Literally 200 feet down the road i knew i had made a terrible mistake. I could barley see, let alone see straight. I got to the onramp for the highway, wanting to pull a u-turn and go back and sleep it off. but theres a car there, Im thinking 1 o'clock in the morning, that has to be a cop, so i just get on the highway. this 2 lane highway appeared to be at least 8 lanes. the sporadic taillights seeming to skip and waver down the road. I knew there was absolutley no way i was making it home, one way or the other. The next exit had a gas station the I knew would be closed but, I just figured I would sleep there. I made it the mile or so down the highway, took the slow right onto the offramp, blinker on, passed the yield sign, passed the cop sitting in the median, OH ****! cop!, pulled into gas station with cop turning around to see what i was up to.
She asked if i needed any help. no. I had popped my hood to appear like i was fixing something on this brand new car. I tried to explain that to her. She asked if i'd been drinking, at first no, then maybe 2 beers. Then came sobriety checks which I failed miserably. I blew a .24 at the station.
Aggravated DWI, second offense. Now I was the idiot.
At least there was no fighting this time. It still made me boarderline depressed, maybe even suicidal tho i dont think so. paid my $3500 lawyer and i got 1 year suspended license, 3 days jail, 7 days in 2nd offender program (basically jail with LADC folk).
This time, nobody else was working split shift at work. I had to get a ride in with someone working 1st shift (6am) and then sit aorund till 10 so i could start. It was awful. Then when 630 came around it was either catch a cab back home ($60) or wait till 2nd shift got out at 11:30pm. Thanksgiving eve, 2011 I walked home. Almost 11 miles.
I did my jail and whatnot. I quit the day after mothers day 2012. I had woken up hungover on mothers day, and when family came over to pick me up I was still obviously intoxicated. I quit the next day. I did fine, some odd dreams, hard to sleep for awhile. somewhat irritable. I had had the shakes when i was drinking everyday. we'd be playing cards on break at work and i did'nt think it was super obvious but people would point it out. Supervisor even noticed it one day "just too much coffee?" he asked. "yeah, i guess so". I don't drink coffee. This too subsided with passing time clean.
I had been ordered to see a LDAC counseleor every week for 8 months, effectively increasing my license suspesion to a year and 4 months. I dod'nt quit because of her, but she was obviously very supportive of it.
I'll continue this in another post. Feels good to get the whole thing out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 58
I forgot to mention this. While doing my 3 days in jail, all the folks in for the 3 days jail/7 days rehab package deal were 2 to a cell. my cellmate was a hispanic dude. He was trying to to his 12 steps and was'nt all that great at reading so he asked me to help him with step 2 or 3 i think. Just explaining it to him (it was the first time i had read it, so im not sure if ihelped or hurt his efferts). I was in 3 days and I read damn close to 2 400 page novels. There is literally nothing to do but read and sleep. and the sleep never really happens.
So forward to the sessions with the LADC. I would tell here how good i felt. I was just riding my BMX bike around town. It was fun in the summer because it wasnt obvious to everyone that you were riding a bike because you lost your license. I told her it almost seemed like my vision improved. I could spot birds off the rail trail here in town easy. This was early spetember, maybe 4 months sober? I forget. I never really counted the days or months like most people. I just felt better and that was all that really mattered to me. Even went to the bar with coworkers after work (I had switched to 2nd shift so icould hitch a ride). I just had ginger ale. some heckling, but some guys said "man i could never do that".
I had 2 weeks off in september. I really wanted to do some hiking, something ive always enjoyed. I was feeling pretty healthy so I planned a pretty exhaustive 2-day hike in the mountains. Packed my stuff, took a cab to the local bus station. The bus dropped me off 8 miles from the trail. So I walked down some of the darkest roads in the state for hours. Finally got to the trail and hiked until I could go no further. Threw the tent up in minutes and fell asleep. The first mountain was only a couple miles up the trail. I ran into some guy maybe mid 40s, he was hiking the same one. We chatted along the trail about women, money, hiking whatever. We both scrambled our way up the rockslide heading towards the summit of just a hair over 4000 feet. finally made our way to the top. This particular mountain did'nt offer much of a view but the much higher ones i was planning on doing offered extraordinary views for miles.
On the way down my knee started bugging me, as it had done before. But the steep decline was really straining it. after what seemed like forever, we finally reached the bottom. parting ways he gave me some of his homemade granola bars. I rested my knee in the cold stream that ran along the trail. I felt great dipping it in the icy water to soother whatever i had strained. I began on my way up the trail, deeper into the wilderness. But after maybe not even 20 yards, I knew something was blown, or torn, or something. I could'nt even bend my leg enough to climb over a log. I admitted defeat and headed back the way I came. The hiker i was with had a good 20 minute headstart on me. And two good knees. I came to one of the stream crossings and there he was. taking a break. "what happened? thought you were gonna keep going?", "cant, my knee is just tweaking with pain". I had explained my situation to him earlier. "so what you gonna do? you need a ride?" I hadnt even considered what i was going to do when/if I made it the 6 miles back to the road. hitchhike? hobble back to town? This guy just offered me a way out so I limped my way out with him, trying to keep up.
3 or 4 hours later we show up at the parking lot and get back to town. He buys lunch and gets a margarita, I had some strawberry thing (non alcoholic). And we drove all the way home talking about everything from how is sisters tuned into lesbian to sound financial strategy. I had his card for awhile.
Problem now was the pain. I had never taken kindly to advil. I convinced myself pain on this level required alcohol. maybe more of an excuse than a need. thought i would just buy a couple 24 ouncers going in. I came out with an 18 pack. It was gone before sunrise. Yet somehow it felt justified.
So I was back in. I don't even remember thinking about it. I told my LDAC i was still clean. Maybe she knew, Maybe not. She still signed of on my 3 months later. After some headaches with the DMV, I was back on the road! Well back on the road with my ignition interlock anyway. All this thing did was teach me how much I could drink each night and still be below .02 BAC every morning. right around 10 beers. Just enough really. I delt with this for a year. Drinking the whole time, just at the "right " times i guess. Never cheated or anything. Finally got it removed after the year.
I've managed to keep the same job during all this. a miracle really.
Miracle im still alive I suppose.
but fast forward to this past weekend, 18 pack friday night, another on saturday night. slowed down to 2 24ouncers sunday night.
And tonight, mostly because I've been typing this/doing laundry for 4 hours, but at least partly because its what I want, I'm not drinking anything except this delicious glass of lemonade.
I cannot remember the last night/day I went without a drink.
So forward to the sessions with the LADC. I would tell here how good i felt. I was just riding my BMX bike around town. It was fun in the summer because it wasnt obvious to everyone that you were riding a bike because you lost your license. I told her it almost seemed like my vision improved. I could spot birds off the rail trail here in town easy. This was early spetember, maybe 4 months sober? I forget. I never really counted the days or months like most people. I just felt better and that was all that really mattered to me. Even went to the bar with coworkers after work (I had switched to 2nd shift so icould hitch a ride). I just had ginger ale. some heckling, but some guys said "man i could never do that".
I had 2 weeks off in september. I really wanted to do some hiking, something ive always enjoyed. I was feeling pretty healthy so I planned a pretty exhaustive 2-day hike in the mountains. Packed my stuff, took a cab to the local bus station. The bus dropped me off 8 miles from the trail. So I walked down some of the darkest roads in the state for hours. Finally got to the trail and hiked until I could go no further. Threw the tent up in minutes and fell asleep. The first mountain was only a couple miles up the trail. I ran into some guy maybe mid 40s, he was hiking the same one. We chatted along the trail about women, money, hiking whatever. We both scrambled our way up the rockslide heading towards the summit of just a hair over 4000 feet. finally made our way to the top. This particular mountain did'nt offer much of a view but the much higher ones i was planning on doing offered extraordinary views for miles.
On the way down my knee started bugging me, as it had done before. But the steep decline was really straining it. after what seemed like forever, we finally reached the bottom. parting ways he gave me some of his homemade granola bars. I rested my knee in the cold stream that ran along the trail. I felt great dipping it in the icy water to soother whatever i had strained. I began on my way up the trail, deeper into the wilderness. But after maybe not even 20 yards, I knew something was blown, or torn, or something. I could'nt even bend my leg enough to climb over a log. I admitted defeat and headed back the way I came. The hiker i was with had a good 20 minute headstart on me. And two good knees. I came to one of the stream crossings and there he was. taking a break. "what happened? thought you were gonna keep going?", "cant, my knee is just tweaking with pain". I had explained my situation to him earlier. "so what you gonna do? you need a ride?" I hadnt even considered what i was going to do when/if I made it the 6 miles back to the road. hitchhike? hobble back to town? This guy just offered me a way out so I limped my way out with him, trying to keep up.
3 or 4 hours later we show up at the parking lot and get back to town. He buys lunch and gets a margarita, I had some strawberry thing (non alcoholic). And we drove all the way home talking about everything from how is sisters tuned into lesbian to sound financial strategy. I had his card for awhile.
Problem now was the pain. I had never taken kindly to advil. I convinced myself pain on this level required alcohol. maybe more of an excuse than a need. thought i would just buy a couple 24 ouncers going in. I came out with an 18 pack. It was gone before sunrise. Yet somehow it felt justified.
So I was back in. I don't even remember thinking about it. I told my LDAC i was still clean. Maybe she knew, Maybe not. She still signed of on my 3 months later. After some headaches with the DMV, I was back on the road! Well back on the road with my ignition interlock anyway. All this thing did was teach me how much I could drink each night and still be below .02 BAC every morning. right around 10 beers. Just enough really. I delt with this for a year. Drinking the whole time, just at the "right " times i guess. Never cheated or anything. Finally got it removed after the year.
I've managed to keep the same job during all this. a miracle really.
Miracle im still alive I suppose.
but fast forward to this past weekend, 18 pack friday night, another on saturday night. slowed down to 2 24ouncers sunday night.
And tonight, mostly because I've been typing this/doing laundry for 4 hours, but at least partly because its what I want, I'm not drinking anything except this delicious glass of lemonade.
I cannot remember the last night/day I went without a drink.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Ramius, that is a heck of a story. Sounds like alcohol is not doing you any favors, and it also appears you can stop drinking if you have to. You are in the right place is quitting is your goal. Welcome, I wish you the best. Keep everyone posted on your progress.
ps. I think you are playing with fire. Fast forward 10 years and you may not have the job, the apartment, the car or your health. Just read this site for awhile, you will see it gets worse. Never better.
ps. I think you are playing with fire. Fast forward 10 years and you may not have the job, the apartment, the car or your health. Just read this site for awhile, you will see it gets worse. Never better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by thomas11 
ps. I think you are playing with fire. Fast forward 10 years and you may not have the job, the apartment, the car or your health. Just read this site for awhile, you will see it gets worse. Never better.
I've had so many days at work where the first few hours I say to myself I'm not going to drink that night. But by the time I get home...
There has to be a want to match the need. So many people need to quit drinking, myself included. But at the end of the day how many of those people want to quit drinking.
Thanks for the greeting everyone.
You'll find lots of support and good info here. Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by ramius
Thats just it. Really, I bought my first house in November, and i got a promotion in January. So I've got to much to lose to keep up these shenangins.
I've had so many days at work where the first few hours I say to myself I'm not going to drink that night. But by the time I get home...
There has to be a want to match the need. So many people need to quit drinking, myself included. But at the end of the day how many of those people want to quit drinking.
Thanks for the greeting everyone.
I've had so many days at work where the first few hours I say to myself I'm not going to drink that night. But by the time I get home...
There has to be a want to match the need. So many people need to quit drinking, myself included. But at the end of the day how many of those people want to quit drinking.
Thanks for the greeting everyone.
As far as want and need to quit, I want to quit, I really do. I don't need to necessarily. I mostly am at home with my wife, don't drive, etc...but as I mentioned before, read this site or awhile and you will run across posts where people NEEDED to quit or they would die. And its not pretty. I don't think either one of us wants to be in that position.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: ny
Posts: 11
I am in the same boat, 2 dwis just got my license back after 2 1/2 years a few weeks ago. I have been drinking a fifth of vodka every night due to the fact i diddnt have a vehicle and life sucked. Now that I have a car, I am still drinking though....I had the worst hangover of my life all day today. So I am about to finish up this glass of vodka (only one glass) and pop a benadryl and wait for the nightmares to come. I need to do this or I can not sleep. The level of my hangover was something crazy, shaking, chills, vomiting all over. Actually, after my morning vomit i ate something around 5pm and then a half hour later i poured my drink....took 3 or 4 sips from it and puked up the food. I am really sick and it sucks and I am done with the hooch. I am weening myself off of it and need to learn to drink in moderation like normal people do.
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