So Over Myself- Have to be done!!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 9
So Over Myself- Have to be done!!!!!!
I"M OVER IT! This is my first post here........I can't do it anymore. How many "near misses" do I have to have, to finally be done?
I had gone about 2 weeks with not a drop of alcohol (my vice of choice is /was wine). Saturday was my niece's birthday party. I had a bottle of wine in my fridge.....I had 2 glasses before her party. Why would I do that? Simply because it was there, that is why. At 11 in the AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course I was confronted by my sister, who was pissed and rightfully so. To matters worse, I had my two young children in the car!!!!!!!!
What is wrong with me?
This has been going on for like 7 years now- it started when I got married and moved to another city with my DH. I dealt with the loneliness by drinking. We have since moved back "home" but this terrible habit came with me.
I will go days with nothing, and suddenly BAM, the impulse hits to grab some wine from the corner store.
Last year I had a 7 month or so stretch with no alcohol, and I felt great. Then I got pregnant with my second child....of course abstained through the pregnancy. So that was over a year with no alcohol. Old habits returned about 3 months post partum to deal with stress, I believe some degree postpartum depression, etc.
I've had enough "almosts" that you would think I would have reached this point before now. I am so ashamed but i have to get it all out and come clean-
I have driven buzzed with my children in the car. Thank GOD I have never been pulled over or worse.
Lying to my husband about random times I had been drinking (he travels alot for work- he's not stupid)
My sister and my dad are both worried about my well being.
So this is my new day 2. I don't want to moderate- I'm abstaining completely. I'm so ashamed- I KNOW better so have to do better. I don't like myself when I've been drinking, so why do I do it? I'm a better mother, wife, daughter, and sister than this. I am gaining nothing by drinking besides shame and tears.
I'm glad to be here (not really, but ya'll know what I mean by that).
Anyway, thanks for listening.
I had gone about 2 weeks with not a drop of alcohol (my vice of choice is /was wine). Saturday was my niece's birthday party. I had a bottle of wine in my fridge.....I had 2 glasses before her party. Why would I do that? Simply because it was there, that is why. At 11 in the AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course I was confronted by my sister, who was pissed and rightfully so. To matters worse, I had my two young children in the car!!!!!!!!
What is wrong with me?
This has been going on for like 7 years now- it started when I got married and moved to another city with my DH. I dealt with the loneliness by drinking. We have since moved back "home" but this terrible habit came with me.
I will go days with nothing, and suddenly BAM, the impulse hits to grab some wine from the corner store.
Last year I had a 7 month or so stretch with no alcohol, and I felt great. Then I got pregnant with my second child....of course abstained through the pregnancy. So that was over a year with no alcohol. Old habits returned about 3 months post partum to deal with stress, I believe some degree postpartum depression, etc.
I've had enough "almosts" that you would think I would have reached this point before now. I am so ashamed but i have to get it all out and come clean-
I have driven buzzed with my children in the car. Thank GOD I have never been pulled over or worse.
Lying to my husband about random times I had been drinking (he travels alot for work- he's not stupid)
My sister and my dad are both worried about my well being.
So this is my new day 2. I don't want to moderate- I'm abstaining completely. I'm so ashamed- I KNOW better so have to do better. I don't like myself when I've been drinking, so why do I do it? I'm a better mother, wife, daughter, and sister than this. I am gaining nothing by drinking besides shame and tears.
I'm glad to be here (not really, but ya'll know what I mean by that).
Anyway, thanks for listening.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Hi and Welcome,
I understand how you feel and I think the guilt and shame of accepting our alcoholism can be overwhelming. But, you've made the right decision to stop drinking and we're here to offer support.
I understand how you feel and I think the guilt and shame of accepting our alcoholism can be overwhelming. But, you've made the right decision to stop drinking and we're here to offer support.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR OverIt - we know how you feel and it's not great. You are making a very good choice, and SR is here to help. Don't be afraid to seek help locally too via meetings, a DR visit or counseling - every little bit helps.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Welcome to SR. It's hard to quit but it sounds like you know it's the right choice for you. There is a lot of support here for you.
I gave up drinking while pregnant with each of my two children too. My drinking came roaring back and got worse than it was before I had them. Stick with it and you will be more present in their lives. More present in your own life.
I gave up drinking while pregnant with each of my two children too. My drinking came roaring back and got worse than it was before I had them. Stick with it and you will be more present in their lives. More present in your own life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
hi OverIt, it sounds like you have a very clear understanding of what it is you want to do. I told myself the same thing this morning after this weekend, that I'm over it. Unfortunately I've said it before. There are people here that can and will help you tremendously. I wish you the best.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Originally Posted by OverIt555 
I had a bottle of wine in my fridge.....I had 2 glasses before her party. Why would I do that? Simply because it was there, that is why.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 9
awuh-
You are right. That bottle had been there for days. Why I chose THEN to drink some, I need to find the answer to. I need to figure out my own why.....why I keep doing this. I have every reason to be happy. This is THE only thing wrong with my life, but it's a major one. It's self imposed and I hate myself for doing it.
You are right. That bottle had been there for days. Why I chose THEN to drink some, I need to find the answer to. I need to figure out my own why.....why I keep doing this. I have every reason to be happy. This is THE only thing wrong with my life, but it's a major one. It's self imposed and I hate myself for doing it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Welcome OverIt. Great to have you with us. It helps to be among friends who care.
I was drinking 'round the clock when I found SR. I had no good reason to be numb all the time. I had many 'near misses' too - a dui, a life in shambles. Being here & talking things over, I found the courage to stop and rebuild my life. You don't need that poison in your life, we promise. It's doing nothing but causing you misery. You can do this!
I was drinking 'round the clock when I found SR. I had no good reason to be numb all the time. I had many 'near misses' too - a dui, a life in shambles. Being here & talking things over, I found the courage to stop and rebuild my life. You don't need that poison in your life, we promise. It's doing nothing but causing you misery. You can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 9
I know that "I don't know" is a cop out........but I really don't know. Boredom? Monotony of daily routine with 2 small kids? Bad way of dealing with stress?
I wish I could click my heels and someone else could tell me why.
I wish I could click my heels and someone else could tell me why.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Ga
Posts: 1,511
Welcome!!!! I really could have written your strory! Same situation here. Moved away from family, traveling husband, post -partum, had drinks in the morning just becuase it was there.... I'm only a month into sobriety now. Realized abstaining is the only way. I am so glad you are here. This site is so amazing and everyone is so understading and helpful! We are all in this together here! What is your plan? Face to face support is also great. I was nervous to go to meetings but I did and it is a really great tool. Keep posting and reading. I check in everyday on the 24 hr forum to help hold myself accountable. Here is the link for that
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-45-a.html
Really nice to meet you. Things WILL get better staying sober!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-45-a.html
Really nice to meet you. Things WILL get better staying sober!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Ga
Posts: 1,511
Originally Posted by OverIt555
I know that "I don't know" is a cop out........but I really don't know. Boredom? Monotony of daily routine with 2 small kids? Bad way of dealing with stress?
I wish I could click my heels and someone else could tell me why.
I wish I could click my heels and someone else could tell me why.
this is me also!!!!!!! We put them first so much it was like a little way of having mommy time... Now I come here and lean on / support others instead.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by OverIt555
awuh- You are right. That bottle had been there for days. Why I chose THEN to drink some, I need to find the answer to. I need to figure out my own why.....why I keep doing this. I have every reason to be happy. This is THE only thing wrong with my life, but it's a major one. It's self imposed and I hate myself for doing it.
The answer is simple: addiction.
Never mind the figuring out.... Spend your energy on sobriety.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
