Suzieq17

Still no AA. Still afraid to go. Trying to do this alone and failing miserably.

Put my foot in my mouth at daughters sporting event today. I never know when to stop. Reason I quit 3 months ago was because of saying hurtful stuff about people I know while intoxicated. Woke up feeling horrible and quit. I guess the only thing that has changed is that I don't drink, but still say hurtful stuff.

I had a breakdown Sat night to my husband. Explained that I felt so very alone. That I was making all these changes for the better (no smoking/no drinking) and yet nothing felt different to me. I am still that sad and isolated person who is so desperately looking for someone to understand and like me. Yup, I said it, understand and like me.

Here I sit and type and cry, cry and cry. I have no one to talk to. My friends are gone (drinking buddies). My husband listens, but I get no feedback. I really feel like giving up trying to change and be a better person. Starting to believe that I may not be able to attain it and that I must just be a horrible person.

I drank for 20 years and told myself I was horrible. I have been sober for 3 months and really tried to make positive progress. It's just not happening.

I am so tired of feeling alone. I am so tired of not making friends. I am so tired of the feeling of no one understanding. I am so sick of myself.

least

It's going to take longer than three months to right twenty years of drinking. What else are you doing for your recovery besides not drinking? I was about at 3 months sober and felt unfulfilled and was told by someone wise to start practicing gratitude every day. So I did. It was a stretch at first to be able to find one thing to be grateful for, but I did, no matter how small a thing.

I made it a habit, and the habit changed my outlook on life. I no longer focus on the bad stuff, just deal with it when it happens, but focus my being on the positive forces. I go out of my way to smile at people in the store, on the sidewalk. I give praise for a job well done or a friendly helping hand.

It's really changed me. And it's a change for the better. I'm much happier than I was and feel satisfied with my life. I hadn't been able to say that for quite a while.

Try gratitude. Every day. It worked for me.

soberclover

Early recovery is tough at times because we realize that the recovery journey is more than just putting the drink/drug down. It is also getting dark out (I'm out here on the east coast with you) and the weather just plain sucks lately. Make yourself a cup of decaf tea, have a light snack, find yourself a book you can dive in to, get away from the mindless tv, maybe some relaxing music on, or get your hands and mind busy with a creative project....I've started coloring mandalas lately. You aren't alone; we are here. Maybe the next steps you need to take in your recovery will be clearer in the morning...it always is for me.

heartcore

I don't know your reasons for not getting involved in AA; I have many resistances to the 12 step programs, & don't feel a 100% kinship with the program, but in terms of building a sober community & growing with others, all of that has been because of AA. I've said before on this site that were it not for having accountability to my AA friends, I would not be sober...

I'm hitting my 7 month anniversary tomorrow. I am thinking more clearly than I was at 3 months, I'm grounded, I have people in my life that I hadn't even met at 3 months!

I think you have to make the long term commitment to sobriety & then see what unfolds, what "becomes of you." You can't make your commitment to sobriety contigent on feeling comfortable; you already left your comfort zone. If you return to drinking now, you'll feel defeated & claustrophobic rather than comfortable.

resolute50

Oh Suzie,

This sentence here speaks volumes.

"I drank for 20 years and told myself I was horrible. I have been sober for 3 months and really tried to make positive progress. It's just not happening."

I also drank for a very long time. And said and did things that were terrible to other people. Friends and relatives, family.
But here is the difference. You care now, we care now!
You are here and talking about it. That right there is change.
Sometimes you may not notice a difference, but, others will.
It takes times. Give it time, Suzie. 3 months is great and slowly things will fall into place again. New friends, new life and your husband sounds like he with you all the way.
Be strong my friend.

KateL

Give yourself some time. It does get better and all the guilt subsides too after a while. It might be an idea to seek additional support. If you feel you are a horrible person you can't be because horrible people don't care or have any remorse xxxx

neferkamichael

Suzieq17, 3 months sober is FANTASTIC, congratulations, you are succeeding. Maybe you are expecting to much to fast, I did early on. Just keep doing what you are doing, things will get better as time goes by. Rootin for ya.

lakeofglitter

Please don't give up and know that you are not alone! I'm 3 months sober and going through EXACTLY the same thing. My mood swings are so horrible I don't know what to do with myself.

I'm so frustrated that I vowed to make an appointment with my family doctor tomorrow. I don't know, maybe antidepressants will help me.

I know what it feels like to be alone but we can't give up hope for a better tomorrow. We both know that it can only get better if we stay sober. Our answer is not to crawl back into a bottle. Stay strong!

Sending a big hug your way

HReady

Suziq~ SS U R feeling so low today. Hugs....
ITA w/what Least & the others posted.

Soberwolf

3 months is exellent suzieq17 there will be hard days but it can get better

Have you got a sober plan ?

newpage119

Hi Suzie,
First, CONGRATS on 3 months, that is wonderful!

Sounds like you need a little more support, maybe a program?

If you don't like AA because of face to face, there is an online site, " In The rooms " that has online meetings. Maybe try that and see what happens...

OR if you don't like AA for other reasons, there is SMART recovery. And another one that I think would be great for you, Women for Sobriety, WFS.
They have acceptance statements that are REALLY positive, online chat, and a forum of course. The atmosphere is very positive, and there are women there that have been sober for many, many years! A very helpful group of women and the statements help with the "issues" that we all have that need resolving......

Whatever you choose, be good to yourself and be proud! Making it 3 months is quite an accomplishment!

Soberwolf

3 months is exellent suzieq17 there will be hard days but it can get better

Have you got a sober plan ?

INgal

SuzieQ, the one person you didn't mention is your daughter. I am positive she will be happy and proud that you've quit drinking. If not now, in the future. So please don't worry about the drinking buddies, worry about her! Good luck in your sobriety!

Anna

Suzie, three months sober is great! Be proud of yourself.

And, yes, it's hard to continue to make the changes we need to make to ensure recovery. And, it takes time. What changes have you made in your life besides stopping drinking? You said, you have lost your friends who were drinking buddies, and that happens to many people here. Perhaps you could venture out and try to meet new people? I got involved in volunteer work and met some wonderful people. Or is there an activity you enjoy or a hobby that you could get involved in. Try to make some small changes and you will find that your life improves.

Dee74

Early recovery is rough - particularly if you're changing your lifestyle of 20 years

It's very important to remember tho that life as it is now is *not* the new default - this is a transition phase and it will get better

Anna's point is very important too - what other changes have you made to your life besides not drinking and smoking?

It takes a little time to build the sober life we want...and part of knowing what we want in a sober life is finding out who sober us is.

You're definitely not meant to be sad or lonely....there is a life out there with your name on it

Maybe it's time to try and pursue some interests or hobbies and make some new friends?

D

Suzieq17

Thank you all for the kind words and suggestions. I am so greatful to all of you on SR. It means EVERYTHING to be able to honestly vent and to get honest feedback.

A little time to cry it out and have another talk with my husband and cry it out some more and I am feeling better.

He has suggested that I not be so hard in myself and to find an outlet--a hobby. I agree and I am going to try.

I do have a question, what is a sober plan?

My plan every day is to wake up and not drink. I try to enjoy the day, my family, my errands, etc. and this early in recovery it's repeated daily.

Should I have a plan for months down the road?

Justincredible

Hey Suzie,

I am right at the 3 month mark too and am having some serious ups and downs as well. I do what you do, and have set some small attainable goals that I am following through on. As well as reading and posting on here daily, this is my plan so far, obviously NOT drinking is a big part of my plan.

Hopefully someone wiser than me will answer this question about a plan. I have been wondering the same thing, what exactly is a sober plan? I just want to make sure mine is strong enough because through it all, I REALLY want to live sober from here on out.

Good luck, and congrats on 3 months! It is no easy task to accomplish something like this!

happytobealive1

I think (correct if I'm wrong!) that a sober plan is more focused on the day-to-day/week-to-week options, sources of support, and meaningful activities that help support your sobriety. In other words, recovery is not just about not drinking/using, it's about building yourself a life that feels meaningful, positive, and authentically you. What do you do to support yourself throughout each day/week? (I agree with your husband---having some compassion for yourself and finding a hobby that makes you truly happy are great ideas!)

I'm also hearing that the physical side of recovery relatively under control for you---at least, you didn't mention wanting to go back to drinking, but rather feeling miserable and hopeless. This is progress! Painful as it is, it means that you're ready for step two of recovery: find yourself again and create a life that fits your recovered self. It might really help to see a therapist---I do, and I know for sure that I would not have been able to maintain recovery without her. A therapist would be able to help you figure out how to deal with the emotions that are coming up now. Why did you speak hurtfully at your daughter's soccer game? What buttons got pushed?

marcusflowers

Hang in there Suzieq17 it's only been 3 weeks for me and I only have SR, which I'm very grateful for. All my old friends and associates drink and party. I have be drinking for 41 years or so. I have to quit this time. My sanity and health are hanging in the balance. Today i was very lonely. I went out and and treated myself to a box of corn muffins. I have faith in myself this time and through the powers of universal and collective consciousness we all have faith in you.

Dee74

Some good discussion on plans here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ctly-plan.html

D