ulfr

Iwant to get smashed so drunk that i cant remember the past so drunk that i forget about who i am
things i cant talk about here as i don't want to upset anyone

there is vodka at my mum house we are going there today
yes its time to get pissed

DrunkenDonuts

Cool! What you going to do when you wake up?

ulfr

Dont know maybe ill keep drinking but its likely my husband will be angry
and tell me that i shouldnt have drunk

Esspee

OK, you've listed the present and immediate future. What about after that? What are you going to gain from doing this? You'll feel crap mentally and physically and gained precisely nothing.

How about channeling this passion and aggression in to something positive. You can not change the past - and I'm not being glib. I've had a crappy past but I refuse to use that as an excuse to drink anymore. Alcohol is not going to rule my life, I am.

If you are so intent on doing this, why have you come here to tell us? That's a rhetorical question as I think deep down you want to be stopped.

Notimetoloose

Life on lifes terms, it takes a little practice but it is so worth it.

What is getting messy drunk going to achieve?...what new level of despair can be reached.

TPF, drinking isn't the answer, come here talk about what is going on. It can help so much.

Remember HALT and eat something now..I find it helps almost immediately.

Also, remember who is in charge of you, that is you and not your addictive voice that cares not whether you live or die.

DrunkenDonuts

So when you've drunk for a week and you're too sick to move, will you be able to handle your husband being angry at you?

How bad do you want to feel?

Perhaps go out to a movie and then go home and sleep. Or drink something else. And sleep.

ulfr

told my husband about drinking at my mothers he had a go at me
sorry everything hurts so much

DrunkenDonuts

Did you actually drink or just tell him that you were going to?

Either way, you did the right thing imo.

By posting here and telling your husband, you're trying to find a way out. Even though he had a go at you, you were honest. Well done.

KateL

It really isn't worth it, honestly. Bad feelings pass. That's what I'd try to concntrate on xxxx

Mountainmanbob

I found out that when I drank because I was mad or drank to show the ex how mad I was with her, as I look back I see where it was a sign that I had a serious drinking problem.

MM

Stu Purple

I hope you can get through this without drinking.

Thepatman

Hope you can change your mind!

doggonecarl

The thing about the past, no matter where you go, what you do, it's right there behind us.

We have to learn to deal with it.

And SR is the place to talk about your past if you care to. I don't think it will upset us any more than your talk of drinking.

Fly N Buy

Many of us ran the gamut of drinking before quitting/gaining some sober time. I know I did, for sure.

I joined SR around the time I got sober and haven't stumbled since then. But, over many years I have stumbled many times. Just did not coincide with me finding SR.

I read a post of yours from 4 years ago. Pretty similar to your posts today - some talk of AA, feeling like you should quit, the consequences etc.....

You have quite a diary to work from - Frankly, I did not. Just a some texts and emails which I deleted!!! My point is obviously you have and are progressing to the point many of us came to. Please seek help outside of what you're currently doing - if we don't change things, life continues to spiral down. Then it's only a matter of if we can be saved before the worst happens.......

Kind Regards,
FlyN

mecanix

TPF ,
if we do the same old thing the same old stuff keeps happening . Aint it time to stop digging ?
I hope you put the idea of drinking off the cards for today and see where you are tomorrow morning . A lot of stuff doesn't feel so bad once you've slept on it ..

Most normal people if they have issues and hauntings from the past , abuse or whatever stuff go and seek professional help , self medication with alcohol is a bad idea .

I hope you make a change from the same old , same old .

Bestwishes, m

ulfr

just thought id let you all know i didn't drink while i was at my mum my husband helped me stay away from the vodka
feel like crap but am glad i didn't drink

scaredofchange

Great job!!!! Proud of you

IOAA2

Hi.
We all have a choice to drink or not. Many good thoughts above about not drinking.

I often had to think of the aftereffects which were never pleasant and left me with a lot of emotional misery.
From my experiences I strongly believe that “if I don’t pick up that first drink one day at a time in a row I won’t have to TRY to get sober AGAIN.” There is no guarantee we can ever get sober again because our disease is progressive, meaning it never gets better unless we abstain.

BE WELL

SoberLeigh

Didn't see your original post until now, TPF; glad to hear that you didn't drink. (It never ends well for us, does it???)

saoutchik

Hi Phoenix,

Really glad that you didn't drink. Well done

You said in your first post of this thread that "you didn't want to upset anybody"
I don't think you would upset anyone to be honest and maybe someone can give you a different perspective to how you're feeling (plus it's good to vent sometimes)