guilt
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 126
guilt
I'm wondering if anyone else goes through this?
After drinking fri and sat night and me hating it and him, arguing, pretty much over it and thinking so bad about him.
Sunday comes he is the devoting dad, helping me around the house Super nice going out for dinner though slightly quiet, I think he is feeling guilty for upsetting me yet again bc of him getting drunk....now I sit here thinking god is he that bad he's been so nice and normal today?
After drinking fri and sat night and me hating it and him, arguing, pretty much over it and thinking so bad about him.
Sunday comes he is the devoting dad, helping me around the house Super nice going out for dinner though slightly quiet, I think he is feeling guilty for upsetting me yet again bc of him getting drunk....now I sit here thinking god is he that bad he's been so nice and normal today?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi johnno!
Ah, yes, the guilt. Quite, well, normal, if you can call any aspect of dealing with someone active in addiction normal. The Jeckyll and Hyde aspects of someone actively drinking are enough to make us question our sanity and our senses, even.
Short answer--enjoy the nice moments! Longer answer, perhaps keep a journal of all that happens as a way to both vent about how you are feeling and to look back and know you aren't crazy!
I hope you are having nice Sunday weather and can get out for a bit today
Ah, yes, the guilt. Quite, well, normal, if you can call any aspect of dealing with someone active in addiction normal. The Jeckyll and Hyde aspects of someone actively drinking are enough to make us question our sanity and our senses, even.
Short answer--enjoy the nice moments! Longer answer, perhaps keep a journal of all that happens as a way to both vent about how you are feeling and to look back and know you aren't crazy!
I hope you are having nice Sunday weather and can get out for a bit today
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 314
I feel that way too a lot. My husband does lots of nice things and has very good qualities too.
But really, days like today that you describe as nice and normal should be the majority of the time. Obviously marriages aren't perfect and there are going to be bad times but that shouldn't be the norm with a few good days thrown in. It's like being starving and just being thrown a few crumbs.
I understand though, I suppose if they were terrible all the time it wouldn't be so hard to divorce/separate. There is that gray area. People are complex. And I suppose with alcoholics, they may have some good intentions and feel that remorse because they are human beings that can see the impact their drinking is having on those around them, but at the end of the day they are still going to drink because they have to.
But really, days like today that you describe as nice and normal should be the majority of the time. Obviously marriages aren't perfect and there are going to be bad times but that shouldn't be the norm with a few good days thrown in. It's like being starving and just being thrown a few crumbs.
I understand though, I suppose if they were terrible all the time it wouldn't be so hard to divorce/separate. There is that gray area. People are complex. And I suppose with alcoholics, they may have some good intentions and feel that remorse because they are human beings that can see the impact their drinking is having on those around them, but at the end of the day they are still going to drink because they have to.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
johnno....my way of looking at it: A person shouldn't have to "pay" for the good times by having to suffer through the bad times.
That, to my way of thinking, is one big reason why active alcoholism is such a deal breaker in relationships.
dandylion
That, to my way of thinking, is one big reason why active alcoholism is such a deal breaker in relationships.
dandylion
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Thing is, who wants a relationship built on the chaos/guilt cycle? Being extra-nice for a few days doesn't erase the damage caused by the bad days. The bad days still chip away at your relationship, your trust, your feelings of respect that one partner should have for another.
And "nice days" fueled by guilt don't feel "real."
I agree that breaks from bad times are nice to have, but eventually it wasn't enough for me.
And "nice days" fueled by guilt don't feel "real."
I agree that breaks from bad times are nice to have, but eventually it wasn't enough for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
I would call that my "honeymoon" period. Go on the A's forum. They say that they would say and do anything to bring peace back in their life. That they new they messed up and have to try and make it good.... till the next time they did it to you.
Alcoholism is a horrible disease for them and us!!
Alcoholism is a horrible disease for them and us!!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
Yes yes I get it all my SR friends.
I have also been treated wonderfully today. A cooked breakfast, beautiful presents and cards from the children, which he organised and taken out for a lovely surprise lunch...and it all was really lovely.
But it is also the crumbs as come 6.30 pm tonight regardless of anything else that's going on the first beer of the night will be opened, followed by another and then it's onto the wine....this Is how it is 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Sad but true.
Yes there are good times, really really great times BUT the alcohol is always first.
I am taking care of myself and SR and Alanon keep me sane.
It's the first Mother's Day since my mum died too. I made some candle jars and we lit candles at her grave. My sister had been and planted some primroses. It's sad but she was ill for along time and she is at peace now and that does help.
Happy Mother's Day to all the mums reading this and a Happy Sunday to everyone else.
Take each day as it comes and keep coming back.
All the best guys take care Phiz ��
I have also been treated wonderfully today. A cooked breakfast, beautiful presents and cards from the children, which he organised and taken out for a lovely surprise lunch...and it all was really lovely.
But it is also the crumbs as come 6.30 pm tonight regardless of anything else that's going on the first beer of the night will be opened, followed by another and then it's onto the wine....this Is how it is 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Sad but true.
Yes there are good times, really really great times BUT the alcohol is always first.
I am taking care of myself and SR and Alanon keep me sane.
It's the first Mother's Day since my mum died too. I made some candle jars and we lit candles at her grave. My sister had been and planted some primroses. It's sad but she was ill for along time and she is at peace now and that does help.
Happy Mother's Day to all the mums reading this and a Happy Sunday to everyone else.
Take each day as it comes and keep coming back.
All the best guys take care Phiz ��
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