Hi everyone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 21
Hi everyone.
I am 23 years old, I have been drinking every day since age 16. I always controlled it and drank only 2 glasses of wine per evening.
Two years ago I started to drink much more, started drinking in the mornings, to numb the crippling anxiety I would get. Soon I was drinking 1 and a half bottles of wine a day, then 2 a day.
I am very ashamed, I have always been an anxious person but since I have been drinking so much it is 10 times worse. I feel I can not function with out alcohol. I know I am an alcoholic, and I want to stop before I become like my father (he has been an alcoholic 40 years).
I visited a doctor about my panic attacks 6 months ago, and he prescribed Xanax 0.5mg 3-4 times a day. I have not been taking it as I am afraid of getting addicted to that too. But I have decided I want to quit drinking, but I can't tell anyone as no - one knows about my drinking. They think I am a social drinker, but don't I'm basically always drunk.
So I decided that if I quit alone, and just take the xanax to get me through the withdrawals, I should be okay? I will not abuse it, I just need something to get me through these days.
I took one 0.5mg on Thursday, and it got me through the day, albeit with a "depressed" lethargic feeling. When the nausea and shakes hit me in the night, I had 2 glasses of wine, and it got me to sleep for a few hours.
Yesterday day time I did not take any Xanax, as I knew I would be having some alcohol at a dinner party last night, (but was planning to keep it moderate), however after 1 bottle of wine, everyone started drinking whiskey, and so I had about 3 whiskeys, and was VERY drunk. I have been feeling ill all day with crippling anxiety, shakes, nausea, and unable to move from the sofa. I took one 0.5mg xanax 6 hours ago. Feeling shakey right now, but I am trying to stay strong and not drink. Instead, I am planning to take a 0.5mg xanax to help me sleep tonight. I have also been taking multi vitamins and B complex.
Am I doing this okay? I can't afford to see a doctor, and I also don't want to tell anyone in real life about my problem.
Any advice would be appreciated, thank you all. God bless you all.
Two years ago I started to drink much more, started drinking in the mornings, to numb the crippling anxiety I would get. Soon I was drinking 1 and a half bottles of wine a day, then 2 a day.
I am very ashamed, I have always been an anxious person but since I have been drinking so much it is 10 times worse. I feel I can not function with out alcohol. I know I am an alcoholic, and I want to stop before I become like my father (he has been an alcoholic 40 years).
I visited a doctor about my panic attacks 6 months ago, and he prescribed Xanax 0.5mg 3-4 times a day. I have not been taking it as I am afraid of getting addicted to that too. But I have decided I want to quit drinking, but I can't tell anyone as no - one knows about my drinking. They think I am a social drinker, but don't I'm basically always drunk.
So I decided that if I quit alone, and just take the xanax to get me through the withdrawals, I should be okay? I will not abuse it, I just need something to get me through these days.
I took one 0.5mg on Thursday, and it got me through the day, albeit with a "depressed" lethargic feeling. When the nausea and shakes hit me in the night, I had 2 glasses of wine, and it got me to sleep for a few hours.
Yesterday day time I did not take any Xanax, as I knew I would be having some alcohol at a dinner party last night, (but was planning to keep it moderate), however after 1 bottle of wine, everyone started drinking whiskey, and so I had about 3 whiskeys, and was VERY drunk. I have been feeling ill all day with crippling anxiety, shakes, nausea, and unable to move from the sofa. I took one 0.5mg xanax 6 hours ago. Feeling shakey right now, but I am trying to stay strong and not drink. Instead, I am planning to take a 0.5mg xanax to help me sleep tonight. I have also been taking multi vitamins and B complex.
Am I doing this okay? I can't afford to see a doctor, and I also don't want to tell anyone in real life about my problem.
Any advice would be appreciated, thank you all. God bless you all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
have you considered AA?
face to face help and an understanding community is an incredibly powerful thing.
congratulations to you for making this choice.... it is a beautiful opportunity you've given yourself; to avoid many years, decades of suffering....
I wish I'd begun taking it seriously at your age.
Welcome.
face to face help and an understanding community is an incredibly powerful thing.
congratulations to you for making this choice.... it is a beautiful opportunity you've given yourself; to avoid many years, decades of suffering....
I wish I'd begun taking it seriously at your age.
Welcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 21
Thank you. 
I appreciate your fast reply.
I was thinking about AA, but the nearest meeting is in a city 2 hours from me. (I live in Europe in a small village). I have no means of transport to get there. I also don't want to tell anyone because it is one of those villages where "everyone knows everyone". I am engaged, and I know my fiance has started to smell the alcohol on me, but he has no idea about the frequency of my drinking or the amount.
He would pay for me to get help from the doctor, I am sure. But he has been through so much stress of his own lately, I really don't want to burden him with this too.
I appreciate your fast reply.I was thinking about AA, but the nearest meeting is in a city 2 hours from me. (I live in Europe in a small village). I have no means of transport to get there. I also don't want to tell anyone because it is one of those villages where "everyone knows everyone". I am engaged, and I know my fiance has started to smell the alcohol on me, but he has no idea about the frequency of my drinking or the amount.
He would pay for me to get help from the doctor, I am sure. But he has been through so much stress of his own lately, I really don't want to burden him with this too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Welcome, strivingwoman, to SR.
We cannot give any medical advice; it is against the forum rules.
Withdrawal can be dangerous. Is anyone with you?
Have you considered going to the ER for a medically supervised detox? If you are in the US, I don't think that they can turn you away for inability to pay.
We cannot give any medical advice; it is against the forum rules.
Withdrawal can be dangerous. Is anyone with you?
Have you considered going to the ER for a medically supervised detox? If you are in the US, I don't think that they can turn you away for inability to pay.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Hello and welcome!
Well done for addressing this at a young age. One thing I would careful with is hanging around people that drink in the first few months. It can be a big trigger and if your sobriety legs and coping tools are not solid, you might be tempted.
Well done for addressing this at a young age. One thing I would careful with is hanging around people that drink in the first few months. It can be a big trigger and if your sobriety legs and coping tools are not solid, you might be tempted.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 21
Thank you SoberLeigh. Sorry I wasn't aware it was against the forumrules.
I have my fiance who comes to my house a few times a day. I have told him that I am just not feeling well today. I don't think he knows that is withdrawal. I am feeling better than I thought, mostly just nausea, shakes and anxiety at the moment. I do have some alcohol in the house for if things get scary, but at that point, I think I would just call the hospital, (but it's last resort).
I have my fiance who comes to my house a few times a day. I have told him that I am just not feeling well today. I don't think he knows that is withdrawal. I am feeling better than I thought, mostly just nausea, shakes and anxiety at the moment. I do have some alcohol in the house for if things get scary, but at that point, I think I would just call the hospital, (but it's last resort).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 21
Thank you all. I feel much better just talking about this. It feels like the burden is lifting a little.
Thepatman, there is a woman I usually drink with most evenings, she does not drink nearly as much as me, but we usually have 2 glasses together. She called me today and I apologised and said I am busy, because I knew I would be tempted.
Tomorrow evening I will be in a situation where I will be tempted, a birthday dinner, but I am going to say I have not been feeling well, and try to resist any alcohol.
It feels like the burden is lifting a little.Thepatman, there is a woman I usually drink with most evenings, she does not drink nearly as much as me, but we usually have 2 glasses together. She called me today and I apologised and said I am busy, because I knew I would be tempted.
Tomorrow evening I will be in a situation where I will be tempted, a birthday dinner, but I am going to say I have not been feeling well, and try to resist any alcohol.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome,
I'm glad you've decided to stop drinking. I didn't tell anyone either, but managed on my own. It really is a good idea to talk to a dr. I think you will find that your anxiety decreases considerably when you stop drinking. It did for me.
I'm glad you've decided to stop drinking. I didn't tell anyone either, but managed on my own. It really is a good idea to talk to a dr. I think you will find that your anxiety decreases considerably when you stop drinking. It did for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 21
Thank you Anna. I am so glad your anxiety improved, I really hope mine does too. (It was never this bad before I started drinking so much).
I think part of it is also the stupid things I do while drunk, making me feel even more anxious. I really hate who I have become since drinking so much. I am usually a quiet, shy reserved person. But when I drink I am loud and obnoxious. The next day the guilt feels like it's going to kill me.
I think part of it is also the stupid things I do while drunk, making me feel even more anxious. I really hate who I have become since drinking so much. I am usually a quiet, shy reserved person. But when I drink I am loud and obnoxious. The next day the guilt feels like it's going to kill me.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
That's the thing. It becomes a vicious cycle. My behaviour got worse, I was less responsible at home, I drank more and the guilt and anxiety following were just horrible. I was overwhelmed with negative feelings about myself, which, not surprisingly led me back to drinking again. Know for sure that you can free yourself and lessen your anxiety. I had anxiety issues long before I began to drink, and I still do, but now they are manageable for the most part and I'm okay with that.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Strivingwoman 
Thank you. I appreciate your fast reply.
I was thinking about AA, but the nearest meeting is in a city 2 hours from me. (I live in Europe in a small village). I have no means of transport to get there. I also don't want to tell anyone because it is one of those villages where "everyone knows everyone". I am engaged, and I know my fiance has started to smell the alcohol on me, but he has no idea about the frequency of my drinking or the amount.
He would pay for me to get help from the doctor, I am sure. But he has been through so much stress of his own lately, I really don't want to burden him with this too.
I appreciate your fast reply.I was thinking about AA, but the nearest meeting is in a city 2 hours from me. (I live in Europe in a small village). I have no means of transport to get there. I also don't want to tell anyone because it is one of those villages where "everyone knows everyone". I am engaged, and I know my fiance has started to smell the alcohol on me, but he has no idea about the frequency of my drinking or the amount.
He would pay for me to get help from the doctor, I am sure. But he has been through so much stress of his own lately, I really don't want to burden him with this too.
Face to face support was essential to me and seems to be a key for many in this journey of recovery. I hope you'll consider going to AA or finding a qualified therapist to help you.
New Life Sober
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Noblesville, IN
Posts: 777
Originally Posted by Strivingwoman
I am 23 years old, I have been drinking every day since age 16. I always controlled it and drank only 2 glasses of wine per evening.
Two years ago I started to drink much more, started drinking in the mornings, to numb the crippling anxiety I would get. Soon I was drinking 1 and a half bottles of wine a day, then 2 a day.
I am very ashamed, I have always been an anxious person but since I have been drinking so much it is 10 times worse. I feel I can not function with out alcohol. I know I am an alcoholic, and I want to stop before I become like my father (he has been an alcoholic 40 years).
I visited a doctor about my panic attacks 6 months ago, and he prescribed Xanax 0.5mg 3-4 times a day. I have not been taking it as I am afraid of getting addicted to that too. But I have decided I want to quit drinking, but I can't tell anyone as no - one knows about my drinking. They think I am a social drinker, but don't I'm basically always drunk.
So I decided that if I quit alone, and just take the xanax to get me through the withdrawals, I should be okay? I will not abuse it, I just need something to get me through these days.
I took one 0.5mg on Thursday, and it got me through the day, albeit with a "depressed" lethargic feeling. When the nausea and shakes hit me in the night, I had 2 glasses of wine, and it got me to sleep for a few hours.
Yesterday day time I did not take any Xanax, as I knew I would be having some alcohol at a dinner party last night, (but was planning to keep it moderate), however after 1 bottle of wine, everyone started drinking whiskey, and so I had about 3 whiskeys, and was VERY drunk. I have been feeling ill all day with crippling anxiety, shakes, nausea, and unable to move from the sofa. I took one 0.5mg xanax 6 hours ago. Feeling shakey right now, but I am trying to stay strong and not drink. Instead, I am planning to take a 0.5mg xanax to help me sleep tonight. I have also been taking multi vitamins and B complex.
Am I doing this okay? I can't afford to see a doctor, and I also don't want to tell anyone in real life about my problem.
Any advice would be appreciated, thank you all. God bless you all.
Two years ago I started to drink much more, started drinking in the mornings, to numb the crippling anxiety I would get. Soon I was drinking 1 and a half bottles of wine a day, then 2 a day.
I am very ashamed, I have always been an anxious person but since I have been drinking so much it is 10 times worse. I feel I can not function with out alcohol. I know I am an alcoholic, and I want to stop before I become like my father (he has been an alcoholic 40 years).
I visited a doctor about my panic attacks 6 months ago, and he prescribed Xanax 0.5mg 3-4 times a day. I have not been taking it as I am afraid of getting addicted to that too. But I have decided I want to quit drinking, but I can't tell anyone as no - one knows about my drinking. They think I am a social drinker, but don't I'm basically always drunk.
So I decided that if I quit alone, and just take the xanax to get me through the withdrawals, I should be okay? I will not abuse it, I just need something to get me through these days.
I took one 0.5mg on Thursday, and it got me through the day, albeit with a "depressed" lethargic feeling. When the nausea and shakes hit me in the night, I had 2 glasses of wine, and it got me to sleep for a few hours.
Yesterday day time I did not take any Xanax, as I knew I would be having some alcohol at a dinner party last night, (but was planning to keep it moderate), however after 1 bottle of wine, everyone started drinking whiskey, and so I had about 3 whiskeys, and was VERY drunk. I have been feeling ill all day with crippling anxiety, shakes, nausea, and unable to move from the sofa. I took one 0.5mg xanax 6 hours ago. Feeling shakey right now, but I am trying to stay strong and not drink. Instead, I am planning to take a 0.5mg xanax to help me sleep tonight. I have also been taking multi vitamins and B complex.
Am I doing this okay? I can't afford to see a doctor, and I also don't want to tell anyone in real life about my problem.
Any advice would be appreciated, thank you all. God bless you all.
There are clinics that are open 24 hours and can help you. I understand about cant afford a doctor. There are clinics can help you with all that.
Anyways, good luck
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
Happy to have you with us Striving. As others have said, it's wonderful you're taking a look at what alcohol's doing to you at 23. My life would've been completely different if I had done the same. I kept insisting I could manage it. I know it'll help you to be here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
When doctors do a medically supervised detox, meds are often given - benzos, like what you have. That is to calm the awful withdrawal anxiety. The w/d anxiety often led me back to drinking cause I just couldn't stand it. 
If you feel really bad, please get medical help.
You'll find lots of support here. Welcome to the family!
If you feel really bad, please get medical help.
You'll find lots of support here.
Welcome to the family!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
You're very blessed you are inquiring about this at such a young age.. Keep reading and get help, here or elsewhere.. Be careful with the Xanax, they're serious and are abused too.. Wishing you the best!
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