Liveitwell

When do they just leave you alone? When do the guilt, manipulative, blaming , Come here, go away, lunatic messages stop? I have peace-the kids are thriving in a house without substance abuse and active addiction. I know the lies won't stop until he gets into recivery, if ever. I guess I will just keep tuning him out and focusing on the peace I've created at home, without him.

firebolt

I'm sorry. It is insanity. Good job getting yourself and kids out of the chaos.

dandylion

Forourgirls...I don't know of much more that you can do....except, maybe, to have less conversations and contact with him. I know that is trickier with children involved.

dandylion

Hawkeye13

Do you have contact restricted to text / email unless emergency?

You may want to do that if phone is making you crazy.

Or, send all calls to voice mail and respond only when needed.

You are doing the right thing by not engaging and concentrating on your and your kid's peace. That will give you some space and perspective.

Hang in there

NYCDoglvr

When you decide to cut off all messages and contact except what's absolutely necessary. Good advice above about doing this.

Liveitwell

^ that's been done. He's still getting drunk and drunk texting and sending messages on our family wizard. Aby form of contact is used as another way to get a jab in. It's disgusting. I loved him for almost 11 years. His abuse killed that love. I no longer want him in any part of my life.

Hawkeye13

I don't know what a "family wizard" is but perhaps you could get a third party to screen and delete hurtful drunk messages, or not even open them and just delete?
What about paying for a messaging service and getting rid of the wizard thing?

Don't allow yourself to be compromised.
That's on you now--be proactive.
You don't have to put up with this verbal abuse.

Hugs and I hope you have a better day

Liveitwell

We are divorced. Yet I got a text last week with family pictures from him at 12:30am on a wed morning and a message stating "I did not want this". Same morning he missed his Sober link test and blew a .1 at 10:30am. Yep. That's about how it was every week/sometimes every day at our house. What didn't he want? The divorce or that his alcoholism is now on everyone's radar, including the justice system and the family court system. Sent an email yesterday asking if I was happy. Another one last night telling me re the divorce "it's what you wanted". I feel like I divorced a teenager.

killerinstinct

Wow at least he still loves you if he's sending u photos my never did ... I am jealous of that but still their all mad and active addiction is active addiction whether they still love u or not.

Bullfrog

Mine stopped when he got remarried.

Godismyrock

You did

ladyscribbler

Mine didn't. The wife actually instigates all sorts of crap that he would never be motivated to follow through with on his own.
Ugh.

@GIMR, lol. It does all remind me of teenage antics.

FeelingGreat

I can just see him getting a skinful and deciding to have a deep and meaningful with you at 3am. Drunk calling/emailing/texting is one of the biggest drawbacks of modern technology.

Visualise him as a toddler (teenager is a bit too mature) having a tantrum because he's frustrated and angry. As Mums we all knew that to take notice of a tantrum was to invite even more. You could even make a collection of self-pitying, pathetic little midnight bleatings and have a bit of a laugh.

theuncertainty

Just like everything else, it depends. Like LadyScribbler's, mine got more intense, manipulative when he moved in with his GF who had 2 kids of her own and pushed him about getting equal time with his son. (She and her ex had 50-50 custody and she constantly toted out what a great mom she was for making sure that happened.) I don't know who he's with now, but he hasn't seen DS for almost 3 years. I only hear from him when he decides to drop off a present for DS.

It really helped me to have my sister to screen his emails at first. She'd show me which ones I needed to respond to and move the rest to trash. And, FWIW, the only ones I needed to respond to asked questions about DS's visitation schedule or appointments.

LittleBirds3

Just block his number, email, etc... If you have family wizard, that is really the only form of communication you need. While he'll still probably send you crazy stuff, at least you can control when you read it. That's what I did, and it really made me feel so much more in control.

ardy

mmm my ex I came across him by accident a few years ago.. tried to play with him and new wife.. he did not know who I was... married for 13 years 4 years in divorce court 4 childern and the sex it took to make. them.. poked Claudette in the arm and said see what you have to look forward too.. Dean suddenly went oh oh and remembered something.. Ed and I left.. I was a mess for the rest of the afternoon... com on Toots.. that was 12 years ago.. never see him or her anymore.. When Melly is home from London or Moose is home from the Army they go see Dad and I push a bit to have them go.. Ivan will not have anything to do with them at all.. families its too much of a mess all the time... hope you have a better today and tomorrow and so many prayers follow your path.. ardy