Acceptance "Defined"?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Fresno
Posts: 106
Acceptance "Defined"?
Acceptance is a word I have heard through out the long journey. In fact it may seem to be a word I often thought as being abused, too easy and ambiguous? Catch a local AA meeting and you will certainly hear this catch phrase by ALL walks of life if you know what I mean, so why not me?
But what is "acceptance"? Is it just a simple muttered word we use too sparingly? What is it exactly to you? What does one tell themselves in order to achieve this blissful state to "feel" acceptance? I have trouble with this word because it is so elusive.
This word is next to "spiritual awakening" that just doesn't quite fit for me.
So please tell me what exactly is "acceptance" and how this feeling comes about that seems to be the bell weather of sobriety?
Thank you!!!
Ryan
But what is "acceptance"? Is it just a simple muttered word we use too sparingly? What is it exactly to you? What does one tell themselves in order to achieve this blissful state to "feel" acceptance? I have trouble with this word because it is so elusive.
This word is next to "spiritual awakening" that just doesn't quite fit for me.
So please tell me what exactly is "acceptance" and how this feeling comes about that seems to be the bell weather of sobriety?
Thank you!!!
Ryan
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
Acceptance to me means that you see that "it is what it is." Whether or not you know why it is, you accept that it is. Acceptance doesn't mean that you agree with it, or like it, or understand it, it just means that you realize that it is.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Ryan there may be different meanings in formal recovery practices like AA but for me "acceptance" means that I acknowledge to myself that I am alcoholic and that I can't drink no matter what. I can't analyse/rationalise/argue it away. I am an alcoholic and I can never drink.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Acceptance has the connotation of taking something in or of making something a part of what is you. At the very least there is a sense that it is at least allowed to exist within plain sight. Acceptance strongly implies that there is no fight or struggle associated with the thing being accepted, so for me it implies peace.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
In the context of AA admission ( of the problem) plus action (on the solution) will get you somewhere near acceptance.
A man standing on the road sees a bus coming toward him. Has he accepted the danger he is in if he remains standing there and gets run over and killed, or is the true indication of his acceptance shown when he takes action and steps out of the way?
Alcoholism is like the bus. Unless you get our of the way it will run you over. Standing in the road doing nothing is not acceptance, it is denial.
A man standing on the road sees a bus coming toward him. Has he accepted the danger he is in if he remains standing there and gets run over and killed, or is the true indication of his acceptance shown when he takes action and steps out of the way?
Alcoholism is like the bus. Unless you get our of the way it will run you over. Standing in the road doing nothing is not acceptance, it is denial.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I accept the teaching i had that 1 + 1 = 2 . I never question if this is true .
WRT alcohol i accept i'm an alcoholic , i never question if this is true .
If i accept the answer to my question the question goes away.
As to why people sometimes drag round these questions and look for other answers that suit them better .. I often think they are trying to avoid pain, hurt and suffering that the answer will give them. As humans , as alcoholics i think we are often trying to live a life without one moment of discomfort, hurt worry or pain .
Bestwishes, m
WRT alcohol i accept i'm an alcoholic , i never question if this is true .
If i accept the answer to my question the question goes away.
As to why people sometimes drag round these questions and look for other answers that suit them better .. I often think they are trying to avoid pain, hurt and suffering that the answer will give them. As humans , as alcoholics i think we are often trying to live a life without one moment of discomfort, hurt worry or pain .
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 32
Until I "accepted" the fact that I was an alcoholic, all roads lead to nowhere. I justified or minimized my behavior for years. Knowing and accepting that I am an alcoholic forces me to remove my blinders and begin working on myself.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
It means trust all of your real-life experience with alcohol (and NOT that voice in your head that sez it will be different this time) and accept that it's just not for you----ever. The bad romance is over. It will hurt for awhile but the time will lessen considerably if you just don't call her/him again. This little thread helped me a great deal with this: . .http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
For me it was getting honest with myself about my drinking AND accepting, surrendering, to the fact I cannot drink in safety.
One of the major reasons recovery is so difficult for so many is the NON acceptance. Too many think of alcohol as their best friend, but it’s killing them.
BE WELL
For me it was getting honest with myself about my drinking AND accepting, surrendering, to the fact I cannot drink in safety.
One of the major reasons recovery is so difficult for so many is the NON acceptance. Too many think of alcohol as their best friend, but it’s killing them.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
accepting is to do with taking in. with agreeing to it.
the best definition i heard is this: to receive with consent.
in order to really receive i need to be open to receiving.
if i can't consent to it, then i'll be in some sort of resistance. and in resistance, i can't accept/receive.
whether that be a gift of a book, or a cookie, a smile or some big spiritual truth.
it's close to embracing. integrating.
the best definition i heard is this: to receive with consent.
in order to really receive i need to be open to receiving.
if i can't consent to it, then i'll be in some sort of resistance. and in resistance, i can't accept/receive.
whether that be a gift of a book, or a cookie, a smile or some big spiritual truth.
it's close to embracing. integrating.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I think it's sort of multifaceted. Yes, it means something "is what it is." Yes, it means you don't have to like it or understand it.
To me, it also means I don't have to FIGHT it. Sometimes it's appropriate to change it (if it's within my power to do that and it won't harm me or anyone else by doing so). Most of the time, though, the only thing I need to change is me.
Example: In my job I have to work for justice. Now, I can ACCEPT that injustice exists. I can work to improve things so injustice happens less often, and sometimes prevent or correct a specific act of injustice. But I don't have to get up every day discouraged and depressed about injustice, I don't have to rant and rave to everyone I meet about injustice, I don't have to throw up my hands and give up because it will always exist. Instead, I can work with other people to reduct the amount of injustice, and try to do it in a way that will reduce the incidence of it, and help to heal the effects of it when it does happen.
I think of acceptance as being primarily grounded in reality. Not that you can't dream of something better, and work for change, but doing it effectively and competently, not out of emotion.
To me, it also means I don't have to FIGHT it. Sometimes it's appropriate to change it (if it's within my power to do that and it won't harm me or anyone else by doing so). Most of the time, though, the only thing I need to change is me.
Example: In my job I have to work for justice. Now, I can ACCEPT that injustice exists. I can work to improve things so injustice happens less often, and sometimes prevent or correct a specific act of injustice. But I don't have to get up every day discouraged and depressed about injustice, I don't have to rant and rave to everyone I meet about injustice, I don't have to throw up my hands and give up because it will always exist. Instead, I can work with other people to reduct the amount of injustice, and try to do it in a way that will reduce the incidence of it, and help to heal the effects of it when it does happen.
I think of acceptance as being primarily grounded in reality. Not that you can't dream of something better, and work for change, but doing it effectively and competently, not out of emotion.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
When we make it our business to strip away our fears, our prejudices and our expectations, acceptance is what we are left with. Sometimes the world or the way in which we live our lives strips away that which we hold dear in our lives, thrusting a stubborn version of acceptance upon is. We either "accept" what is in this version or continue on, driving through all the Stop Signs until we crash and burn.
In turn, acceptance provides an opportunity to make things right. Acceptance without action is despair; a resignation to "what is" and a relentless commitment to turn away from what can be regardless of the consequences.
Many people spend their whole lives somewhere they don't want to be out of fear that the alternative is worse.
In turn, acceptance provides an opportunity to make things right. Acceptance without action is despair; a resignation to "what is" and a relentless commitment to turn away from what can be regardless of the consequences.
Many people spend their whole lives somewhere they don't want to be out of fear that the alternative is worse.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Regarding recovery, I've always understood acceptance to mean that 1) I accept that I have a serous problem with alcohol, and 2) I accept that the only solution is to stop drinking for good. Moreover, I also feel that it involves accepting that I can have a fulfilling, happy sober life, as long as I take action to achieve that goal and give myself time to heal.
Without that foundation of acceptance, I don't believe I can even begin to get sober, and certainly not stay sober long term
Without that foundation of acceptance, I don't believe I can even begin to get sober, and certainly not stay sober long term
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I am hearing about acceptance that we 'cannot drink in safety'. So it's unsafe to drink? Big deal. Risky behavior and intoxication are two sides of the same coin. The rubber meets the road when we accept 'we will not ever drink again'. Change does not follow from acceptance of the label of alcoholism, nor from an understanding of the damage alcohol consumption is doing to us. Change comes from putting alcohol into the past, and saying yes to the possibilities in our future.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I practice acceptance actively.
What is happening.... am I able to do anything to change it? Serenity prayer? Am I willing to do anything about it if I can?
If not, or I cannot, then I have a choice; to ACCEPT or to suffer.
So that's one aspect of it. Active practice of acceptance. Choosing to accept instead of fight.
Another one though is probably much more important; acceptance of the facts of my own life. Objectively looking at them through a lens of acceptance for what they really revealed about my relationship with alcohol and drugs.
Then... that led to the biggest one of all; acceptance of sobriety. ACCEPTING that in sobriety lay possibility, goodness and joy.
In these ways, acceptance has led to embracing sobriety and freeing myself of feeling like I"m missing something, being left out, not 'good enough' or somehow broken.
In this process of acceptance I have become blessed and free to experience gratitude for all that is.
Acceptance..... yeah, it's a big one.
What is happening.... am I able to do anything to change it? Serenity prayer? Am I willing to do anything about it if I can?
If not, or I cannot, then I have a choice; to ACCEPT or to suffer.
So that's one aspect of it. Active practice of acceptance. Choosing to accept instead of fight.
Another one though is probably much more important; acceptance of the facts of my own life. Objectively looking at them through a lens of acceptance for what they really revealed about my relationship with alcohol and drugs.
Then... that led to the biggest one of all; acceptance of sobriety. ACCEPTING that in sobriety lay possibility, goodness and joy.
In these ways, acceptance has led to embracing sobriety and freeing myself of feeling like I"m missing something, being left out, not 'good enough' or somehow broken.
In this process of acceptance I have become blessed and free to experience gratitude for all that is.
Acceptance..... yeah, it's a big one.
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