I Haven't Begun to Understand
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
I Haven't Begun to Understand
Hi everyone,
So over the past year, I've had a lot of ups and downs with my recovery. At my best, I've made it 6 months sober. At my worst, I've been in denial about my problem during month-long bingers.
I think Dee mentioned to me once that I have no way of knowing what one drink could do to me because I haven't begun to understand my addition. I now know that's true - after one drink I convinced myself that I could drink normally and that I didn't have a problem. Since I've been home (from vaca), I haven't drank. But I don't think I've been honest about my problem, either. To some extent, I hadn't been willing to accept the fact that I will never have a drink again, even though I've been successful in avoiding temptation.
Well I had an epiphany today...I read a quote by Kenneth Blachard that reads "There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses - only results." This quote really connected with me because that's the difference between my precious failed attempts versus those of you who have been successful. I was interested in getting sober, but not committed. And then when I'd fail, I'd come on here asking you all why I failed when it's obvious to me now that I failed because I let myself fail.
So I come to you all now for a different kind of help than I usually do. I know that I will stay sober because I am truly committed. But I could use some help with avoiding temptation and advice on how you have stayed sober. Some have mentioned a sober plan but I'm not really sure what this is. I will avoid going out to parties and bars with friends, I'm ready to do that, but do any of you get the urge to drink even from a stupid beer commercial? Have any of you asked your family members to not drink around you? Any advice, words of wisdom, etc. would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you everyone for helping me finally get to this point! I feel a huge weight has been lifted off of me now that I'm really committing to this new life.
So over the past year, I've had a lot of ups and downs with my recovery. At my best, I've made it 6 months sober. At my worst, I've been in denial about my problem during month-long bingers.
I think Dee mentioned to me once that I have no way of knowing what one drink could do to me because I haven't begun to understand my addition. I now know that's true - after one drink I convinced myself that I could drink normally and that I didn't have a problem. Since I've been home (from vaca), I haven't drank. But I don't think I've been honest about my problem, either. To some extent, I hadn't been willing to accept the fact that I will never have a drink again, even though I've been successful in avoiding temptation.
Well I had an epiphany today...I read a quote by Kenneth Blachard that reads "There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses - only results." This quote really connected with me because that's the difference between my precious failed attempts versus those of you who have been successful. I was interested in getting sober, but not committed. And then when I'd fail, I'd come on here asking you all why I failed when it's obvious to me now that I failed because I let myself fail.
So I come to you all now for a different kind of help than I usually do. I know that I will stay sober because I am truly committed. But I could use some help with avoiding temptation and advice on how you have stayed sober. Some have mentioned a sober plan but I'm not really sure what this is. I will avoid going out to parties and bars with friends, I'm ready to do that, but do any of you get the urge to drink even from a stupid beer commercial? Have any of you asked your family members to not drink around you? Any advice, words of wisdom, etc. would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you everyone for helping me finally get to this point! I feel a huge weight has been lifted off of me now that I'm really committing to this new life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi kaf, if alcohol is a problem in your life, then it is better to "put it away". There are many people on this site that can help you and have been sober for many years. Take their advice, use it to your advantage. I applaud your effort to be sober. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: canada
Posts: 748
Thanks for posting this. I've been feeling a bit weak in sobriety the last couple of days. It's been concerning to me, so I was sitting here thinking about it and logged onto SR for some support. This was the first post I read, and your share about interest versus commitment was just what I needed to read tonight.
I don't know if I really have an answer to your question, but for me a sober plan is the collection of things I do keep me from drinking, grow as a person and receive support from others. My own sobriety plan is staying away from bars and other situations where alcohol is a big part of the event, using SR to receive support and provide support to others, going through the AA steps with a sponsor and occasionally attending AA meetings. I've also joined a book club where the book selections are geared toward spiritual growth. I've also started to do quite a bit of other reading again, mostly fiction books, as well as study the French language and work on my math skills through a free online university I found. Those last few things may not sound like they are directly related to sobriety, but I find they give me direction and purpose and help build and sustain mental commitment and discipline which I can also apply towards sobriety.
I don't know if I really have an answer to your question, but for me a sober plan is the collection of things I do keep me from drinking, grow as a person and receive support from others. My own sobriety plan is staying away from bars and other situations where alcohol is a big part of the event, using SR to receive support and provide support to others, going through the AA steps with a sponsor and occasionally attending AA meetings. I've also joined a book club where the book selections are geared toward spiritual growth. I've also started to do quite a bit of other reading again, mostly fiction books, as well as study the French language and work on my math skills through a free online university I found. Those last few things may not sound like they are directly related to sobriety, but I find they give me direction and purpose and help build and sustain mental commitment and discipline which I can also apply towards sobriety.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Kafkaesque 
do any of you get the urge to drink even from a stupid beer commercial?
When I see a hot babe I get the urge to have sex. When I see my boss's stupid face I get the urge to punch it. When someone is driving poorly next to me I get the urge to run them off the road.
I have 50 urges a day I don't act upon. Beer is just one of them.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I have a no alcohol rule in my home i dont go clubs or pubs or bars simply because it has nothing to offer that i cant have at home plus theres a million better ways to enjoy this one life
Hang in there keep working on your sobriety and it will get easier if you have urges print these links of to keep
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
Hang in there keep working on your sobriety and it will get easier if you have urges print these links of to keep
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Another quote which may resonate.
"Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do, long after the mood you said it in has left you".
I'm the wrong guy to talk to about a Sober Plan- but I know you'll get some great advice from others who tackle this more traditionally!
"Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do, long after the mood you said it in has left you".
I'm the wrong guy to talk to about a Sober Plan- but I know you'll get some great advice from others who tackle this more traditionally!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
I was lucky in the beginning because I associated with inactive alcohols daily at meetings. There were certain things I picked up by being there that are difficult for newcomers.
Honesty with ones self about my drinking AND accepting the fact I cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row.
Thinking about NOT drinking helped with my easily forgetful brain.
Reading all the banners on the wall and living them got me through tough moments.
Probably the most important is KEEP COMING.
BE WELL
I was lucky in the beginning because I associated with inactive alcohols daily at meetings. There were certain things I picked up by being there that are difficult for newcomers.
Honesty with ones self about my drinking AND accepting the fact I cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row.
Thinking about NOT drinking helped with my easily forgetful brain.
Reading all the banners on the wall and living them got me through tough moments.
Probably the most important is KEEP COMING.
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
Thank you everyone for all of your responses! I'm really determined to get it right this time and you have helped me get one step closer!
Ultramarathoner, thank you for that quote! That one is a great reminder whenever I don't feel like committing anymore but need a reminder that I'm in this for the long haul this time!
Soberwolf, thank you for those links and your advice I'm now willing to do whatever it takes. I've made a plan to avoid my best friend for another week or so and when we do get together it will be meeting at the gym (as she is also an alcoholic but has no interest in getting help) and I have cancelled my vacation in April as I've learned vacation can be a big trigger for me and I want to have a few months under my belt before I put myself in that position again. Instead, I think we are going to the drive-in movies for my birthday celebration which is perfect since they don't sell or allow alcohol there! And it was my favorite experience during my 6 months sober last year.
Lance, thank you so much for your sober plan! You're right about those last few not being directly related to alcohol, but that's actually a huge help! I've been thinking about joining a boxing class and taking piano lessons for awhile now but your sober plan has now given me the final push to actually sign up for both and really commit to this new lifestyle! If you don't be mind my asking, (and anyone please feel free to chime in) how often do you go to AA meetings? Just whenever you're feeling an urge coming on or do you attend them at least X amount of times a month to prevent any lapses in judgment?
Ultramarathoner, thank you for that quote! That one is a great reminder whenever I don't feel like committing anymore but need a reminder that I'm in this for the long haul this time!
Soberwolf, thank you for those links and your advice I'm now willing to do whatever it takes. I've made a plan to avoid my best friend for another week or so and when we do get together it will be meeting at the gym (as she is also an alcoholic but has no interest in getting help) and I have cancelled my vacation in April as I've learned vacation can be a big trigger for me and I want to have a few months under my belt before I put myself in that position again. Instead, I think we are going to the drive-in movies for my birthday celebration which is perfect since they don't sell or allow alcohol there! And it was my favorite experience during my 6 months sober last year.
Lance, thank you so much for your sober plan! You're right about those last few not being directly related to alcohol, but that's actually a huge help! I've been thinking about joining a boxing class and taking piano lessons for awhile now but your sober plan has now given me the final push to actually sign up for both and really commit to this new lifestyle! If you don't be mind my asking, (and anyone please feel free to chime in) how often do you go to AA meetings? Just whenever you're feeling an urge coming on or do you attend them at least X amount of times a month to prevent any lapses in judgment?
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