Drunk Mom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Africa
Posts: 168
Drunk Mom
So this is my first day on here but not my first day sober. I actually stopped drinking last week Friday. Wow can't believe it's been that long
I am a mom of two absolutely beautiful kids. They ones were well cared for, emotionally and physically.
I've always been a drinker and by always I mean from about 13. Grew up in what Americans will refer to as the "projects". We call it something else here. Drinking was part of our culture growing up but I was always known as the 'Christian party girl'. You know the one in the church choir on Sunday morning with a massive hangover? Yeah, me right there.
I've gone through bursts of heavy drinking and not so heavy drinking, but always drinking.
About a year ago, things went downhill when I found out my husband was having an affair. At this time I have lost a lot of weight and was really getting into my own... he cheated on me with someone twice my size... not that it matters. My point is, that event made me feel like I am going to just stop trying.
My husband travelled a lot and that meant late nights consuming bottles of wine and whatever he opened in the bar. If there was half a bottle of whiskey left, I'll have just a little so he wouldn't notice (after my bottles of wine).
I drank every night. I hid bottles at the back of the cupboard. Started feeling embarrassed that my kids nanny saw it everyday and started putting it in the outside bin the next day. Drunk texting anyone willing to give me attention at 1am.
One day I overslept and both the kids and me were late because i went to bed at 3am. I rushed, put clothes on them and rushed out the door. Feeling like death but I had no time to feel, we were late. As I dropped them off at school, I took a look at their faces. My once beautiful kids looked uncared for. Their faces looked dirty, they looked tired, hair not combed. I remembered I never gave them a bath last night... their eyes broke my heart that day and that was my turning point. I would let them have crisps for dinner if that meant them leaving me alone to drink. They watched TV from the minute they got home till bed time. Homework book was signed without doing homework. WOW typing this out is breaking me apart. Both my kids suffer from anxiety at 6 and 4???? Nightmares, teeth grinding, nail biting, phobias, the works... Why? Because their mom wasn't giving them any attention and when they came to ask her for something, they were made feel like a bother. Emotional abuse!!!!! *tears
Many days, especially Friday's I want to drink. About 2 days ago I put them in the car at night (after bed time), on my way to the bottle store. As I approached the store I made a U-turn... asking myself why would you put them through another night of you drinking, playing music and partying alone while they should sleep. It's so sad... for them. .
So I am here to commit that i and them deserve better and i know it is a long post but it had to come out eventually.
Hi, I'm Zee and I'm an alcoholic.
I am a mom of two absolutely beautiful kids. They ones were well cared for, emotionally and physically.
I've always been a drinker and by always I mean from about 13. Grew up in what Americans will refer to as the "projects". We call it something else here. Drinking was part of our culture growing up but I was always known as the 'Christian party girl'. You know the one in the church choir on Sunday morning with a massive hangover? Yeah, me right there.
I've gone through bursts of heavy drinking and not so heavy drinking, but always drinking.
About a year ago, things went downhill when I found out my husband was having an affair. At this time I have lost a lot of weight and was really getting into my own... he cheated on me with someone twice my size... not that it matters. My point is, that event made me feel like I am going to just stop trying.
My husband travelled a lot and that meant late nights consuming bottles of wine and whatever he opened in the bar. If there was half a bottle of whiskey left, I'll have just a little so he wouldn't notice (after my bottles of wine).
I drank every night. I hid bottles at the back of the cupboard. Started feeling embarrassed that my kids nanny saw it everyday and started putting it in the outside bin the next day. Drunk texting anyone willing to give me attention at 1am.
One day I overslept and both the kids and me were late because i went to bed at 3am. I rushed, put clothes on them and rushed out the door. Feeling like death but I had no time to feel, we were late. As I dropped them off at school, I took a look at their faces. My once beautiful kids looked uncared for. Their faces looked dirty, they looked tired, hair not combed. I remembered I never gave them a bath last night... their eyes broke my heart that day and that was my turning point. I would let them have crisps for dinner if that meant them leaving me alone to drink. They watched TV from the minute they got home till bed time. Homework book was signed without doing homework. WOW typing this out is breaking me apart. Both my kids suffer from anxiety at 6 and 4???? Nightmares, teeth grinding, nail biting, phobias, the works... Why? Because their mom wasn't giving them any attention and when they came to ask her for something, they were made feel like a bother. Emotional abuse!!!!! *tears
Many days, especially Friday's I want to drink. About 2 days ago I put them in the car at night (after bed time), on my way to the bottle store. As I approached the store I made a U-turn... asking myself why would you put them through another night of you drinking, playing music and partying alone while they should sleep. It's so sad... for them. .
So I am here to commit that i and them deserve better and i know it is a long post but it had to come out eventually.
Hi, I'm Zee and I'm an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Welcome to SR. SoberMom! You made a great choice to get sober. I know exactly what you are describing. It was me. Rushing the kids to bed so I could keep drinking alone. It was a great feeling when I sat and read to my daughter and didn't feel the need to get to the bottle. To be present for them and to care for them and listen to what they had to say. They are 9 and 6 now but were 7 and 4 when I started this journey.
Stick with it! It's worth it. Again, welcome.
Stick with it! It's worth it. Again, welcome.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Sussex NJ
Posts: 33
Welcome Zeekie! You can do this 
I'm a mother of 3. I've also been drinking since a young age and have been enjoying too much wine every night for the past year. I'm 12 days sober! This really is the most amazing gift you can give yourself and your children. If you need to ever talk, message me!
I'm a mother of 3. I've also been drinking since a young age and have been enjoying too much wine every night for the past year. I'm 12 days sober! This really is the most amazing gift you can give yourself and your children. If you need to ever talk, message me!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Africa
Posts: 168
Originally Posted by AnotherLife 
That made me cry - it was me. This morning.
My kid deserves better too.
My kid deserves better too.
Hang in there and know that there is a better life out there. Having kids as the motivation behind sobriety is not that bad a thing.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello and welcome. I commend you on recognizing what this is doing to your kids. My children's father is an alcoholic. The negative affects it has had on them is overwhelming and horrible. Children of addict homes already have a 50% more chance of becoming an alcoholic themselves. Good for you to break the chain.
I am so very glad you are here!
I am so very glad you are here!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
This really touched my heart too. I too started drinking at 13 despite growing up a "good Christian girl" There was just something about alcohol...still is
my kids are 11, 5, and 3 and they are the one of the main reasons I quit. Last time I drank I vomited blood and as I was hanging over the toilet I heard my youngest calling for me. I got up and got my husband and said "honey, I am puking and I can't take care of him"
Made me feel like the biggest piece of $%#%.
Haven't drank since then and I'm starting to see how badly I treated them, without realizing it. The hangovers made me so vacant, emotionally and physically. Every day I start to appreciate them more and they become more amazing since I don't have that thick film over my eyes.
I wish you the very best luck!
-From a fellow Drunk Mom
my kids are 11, 5, and 3 and they are the one of the main reasons I quit. Last time I drank I vomited blood and as I was hanging over the toilet I heard my youngest calling for me. I got up and got my husband and said "honey, I am puking and I can't take care of him"
Made me feel like the biggest piece of $%#%.
Haven't drank since then and I'm starting to see how badly I treated them, without realizing it. The hangovers made me so vacant, emotionally and physically. Every day I start to appreciate them more and they become more amazing since I don't have that thick film over my eyes.
I wish you the very best luck!
-From a fellow Drunk Mom
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
Originally Posted by Zeekie
I know. It's so sad but there is hope. In the last week I have started seeing my kids again. I've seen how tall they are and how smart they are even through the pain. I've read to them more this week than in over a year. I have cooked them supper and sat with them. I listened to them. I don't expect them to be okay after a week but this is my way of making it up to them.
Hang in there and know that there is a better life out there. Having kids as the motivation behind sobriety is not that bad a thing.
Hang in there and know that there is a better life out there. Having kids as the motivation behind sobriety is not that bad a thing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: TX
Posts: 73
Print this post off and keep reading it daily while you work on your recovery. Kids need their Mom's. And Mom's need their kids. Give them the childhood they deserve (and so desperately need if they are to survive in this big, bad world). And give yourself the life you deserve (if you are to survive in this big, bad world). Dig deep, you got this! Well wishes to you and your sweet, sweet babies.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
I'm so glad you joined us. I'm a mom whose kids were my turning point as well. My 12 year old saw me blackout drunk, wake up the next morning and chug wine and then order a mimosa at breakfast explaing to him what "hair of the dog meant." All while on vacation. Charming, huh? It still took another month for me to quit for good but I did it. And almost 7 months later I see his pride when I pass up alcohol instead of disdain. No better feeling in the world.
Welcome to the best decision you ever made! Hugs & love to you & your kiddos.
Welcome to the best decision you ever made! Hugs & love to you & your kiddos.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
Hey Zee. In glad you are here. You made me tear up. Because your story was my story. But I'm 19 days sober. And our life is so much better even in those 19 days. You can do it. I'm rooting for you. Thanks for the reminder on why I chose to quit.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi Zeekie and welcome to one of the best sober supports I ever imagined. Actually I never could have imagined that such a great collection of people and support existed. Stick around here as you go through the process of loving and learning to forgive yourself. Keep your computer on and logged in!
Hugs to you!
Hugs to you!
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