Evienne

Hi everyone, I'm just starting day 70 with a cup of coffee, two tangerines and a bottle of water to wash my vitamins down. My morning routine has become so much more healthy, I even learned to enjoy green tea (it appearantly just needed a bit of honey to make it perfect) but still tapering the caffeine because too little of it leaves me with a splitting headache. What a sneaky addiction that is.

I've received a package with Tabex capsules, a natural supplement to help me quit smoking. Cigarettes have been taking too much of my (now finally considered precious) time, money and looks. I'm taking my first as I write this, kind of exciting! I finally learned I am worthy of taking good care of myself.

As my dog, who is a 12 year old Shih Tzu, came down with glaucoma, my poor baby, I am happy to be sober so I noticed it quickly, had money saved so I could take him to an eye specialist, and I am now reliable enough to give him his meds 7 times a day. It also taught me to enjoy the time we have left, I was depressed and/or hungover so often that I neglected that too much. He seems to have forgiven me (did he really resent me, or was it just me who did that), so I forgave myself, which is easier when focussing on us being here and now, instead of dwelling on past mistakes. He is sleeping in my lap now, his breathing gets heavier so I know he will be having a nice dream in a minute and it makes me smile.

I was raised on negativity and by the age of 11 I had already lost my hopes and dreams for the future. I remember I wanted to be a vet, but never thought I could amount to anything, so I dropped out of school as it was useless for someone like me, never really learned any skills, just stumbled through life hoping it would be over soon, accellerating the process when I latched on to pot first, and later booze. My mother, the source of all that self hate, doesn't like me being sober because I can counter her detrimental comments right away and leave without taking it home with me, most of the time anyway. She's still gaslighting though but I don't think it's me being the crazy one anymore. After having a run in with my inner child, and finally comforting her, some new hopes and dreams seem to be emerging.

I have been teaching my ponies new things, one is learning to pull a carriage, and I'm taking another to her first show in April so she's getting in shape. I'm going to be a pageant mom! My youngest has learned to carry bags so I take her grocery shopping which is hilarious. I love walking with her, spending time with my adorable baby, it's the perfect relaxing tempo to enjoy the scenery, and we get so many loving responses that it's impossible to stay depressed. I am even thinking about volunteering for the elderly, to get their groceries and deliver them by Pony Express.

Today I'm excited and a bit anxious, because tomorrow my boyfriend, who was so awesome to stick by me though I have been a pain at times in the past months, is going to teach me to operate a digger! I have been fascinated by this piece of machinery for quite a while now. I just hope I won't destroy anything. Butterflies in my stomach and a smile on my face.

Reading this back, I can't believe all this happened in little over two months. Who knows what still lies ahead! I could not have done it without SR. Been reading vigorously every single day. Unfortunately I feel my posts aren't very helpful in other newcomers' threads, still very much focussed on myself (counting the I's, sorry about that, will make it up to you) but maybe my own threads can make a slight difference for now.

So I would love to know, what were the first things you learned being sober? Skills, wisdom, getting to know your true self (-love, -care, -esteem), hopes, dreams, capabilities? And when did it start occurring?

FreeOwl

what an awesome post....

I too have been following the path of self-learning, self-discovery, self-awareness, self-forgiveness.... the journey of the inner child.... trying and learning new things.

I can tell you that 15 months on, it only just keeps getting better and better and better and better.....

Thanks for sharing!!

SoberLeigh

Evienne, I thoroughly enjoyed your post. I am so glad that you are already enjoying the benefits of sobriety.

One of the first things that I learned in sobriety was the experience of life in its true and natural state - without diminishment or 'perceived' enhancement by alcohol - rediscovering and enjoying the heart, mind, body and soul which I was given at birth.

Keep on, Evienne; sobriety gets better and better.

Evienne

Thanks so much! I'm amazed at the way you all tirelessly help and motivate the people reaching out on SR. It's beautiful, heartwarming and gives me new hope for mankind.

Also just got a call from a temp agency. It's a factory where I worked before and it's a terrible place to work, but hard physical labour is good for me, and it gives me the opportunity to save some money as my boyfriend asked me to move in with him on the farm (and to please bring my ponies with me) and we're gonna fix up the farm together.

I do have cravings from time to time, but I will never drink again and I will never change my mind. I don't want to give up feeling like this and knowing I'm on an upward spiral, that's really new to me.

So finally, the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a freight train coming my way. I'm still a bit scared, but learned that's not necessarily a bad thing.