EricinPA

Though I am happy where i am in my recovery one thing i have yet to make up for is definitly the loss of my old friends... Its hard to be alone in this but I know its for the best. I have my aquantances in the rooms and where I live right now but that doesnt make up for the destruction of my circle of friends and my loss of relationships...

FreeOwl

yep... and it's good to acknowledge that loss and the associated grief and it's OK to feel that way. That's natural.

We crave connection and this is one of the hardest parts of recovery..... we lose the connection of many former friends who we wind up backing away from over time because their interests continue to be incompatible with ours. Then, we ALSO lose the connection we felt with the booze itself. Lacking sincere and intimate connection with people, we connect with the substance.

This is why I think it's really important to include DOING things in recovery. Not just going to meetings, but stepping out of our habitual comfort zones and trying new stuff. Get a copy of the local newspaper and find stuff going on in your area that doesn't have to do with alcohol. Volunteer with community programs, try a drawing class, enroll in a community sport, get involved with a charity group, try your hand at sewing or knitting (in a group setting), join an archery club, start a martial art, join a crossfit gym or a running club.....

The way we begin to form new habits, new patterns and new connections with people whose lives are more compatible with our new sober life is by DOING STUFF. And, most often, doing new and different stuff is the most supportive way to go.

At minimum it's a good way to fill time that would normally be spent boozing, but what it usually leads to is the discovery of new, fun, even joyful ways to live our lifes with new, fun, even joyful people whose lives are not ruled by addiction or designed around drinking.

Soberwolf

A lot of my old 'friends' were not good for my life and wernt really my friends at all

i held on to a precious few as the rest didnt have good intentions

Have you considered mtns ?

Anna

I agree, Eric, it's not easy, that's for sure. I hope you can get involved in some new activities in your area - maybe volunteer work, sports, or something where you can meet some new and sober people.

Della1968

I totally understand. I lost most of my friends and am really not that sociable at the moment. I think one the weather improves I will feel like doing more.

PurpleKnight

With new activities, came with new friends for me.

When I quit drinking, I had a lot of time on my hands, because I filled my time with drinking, sitting down and working out what I was going to do was a challenge, but it can be done!!

Kris47

Eric,

It may take time but as you carve out a new way of life for yourself new friends and habits and hobbies will come out. For now, just know you're in a good place. Do step out of your comfort zone a little at a time. Congrats on your sobriety!

Cathryn2001

Good for you for acknowledging your feelings--it's tough, but you definitely seem to get the importance of stepping away from people/activities that don't support your goals!

I lost many of my social connections, too. We are still "pleasant" to each other, but our days of meeting up are over. It was hard in the beginning, but it was definitely for the best. I'm able to see many of those relationships for what they were . . . it was devastating to realize that most were not nearly as deep as I'd thought, or that alcohol was such a huge factor in keeping them intact. I've since cultivated new relationships, and I'm much happier, now! You, too, will find yourself in a better place with time! You'll have new interests/friends that support your health and emotional well-being.

Congratulations on your sobriety, Eric!

LBrain

I'm with Kris on this Eric. Hopefully it warms up and you get an early melt.
Do your best to occupy yourself as best you can until the weather breaks.
And do reach out to new folks. I understand what it's like up there. I went to coudersport for years huntin and fishin. Get some things to read and study up on a new hobby. And get out and breathe that wonderful air.

Focus on yourself for now. Gradually get back into the social scene.

EricinPA

Thanks for the replies they are helpful as always... I am active in meetings but I just have issues deciding on being social towards people. I ofcourse have alot of trust issues and such. Right now Im even living with/around a bunch of sober people and have a great program that Im working but that really doesnt make up for the lack of social connection. Its not that I dont have things to do its just a problem for me to form the connections as normal folks do i guess... This forum seems to be helping me dump my issues and everyone has some great posts that help a bunch. Like i said i really think this internet thing and reaching out is helping... keep it up im really enjoying everyones posts and hope i can keep up with someof you... thanks!

immri

I definitely understand what you mean, especially forming connections. I'm doing lots of things too and meeting new sober people, but it's certainly not natural for me to become real'friends' with the people I meet
It's getting easier though, it's just learning a new way of doing things. I'm sure it'll get easier for you too.

Kris47

Eric,

It'll happen. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly...............

Think Positve - Draw Positive.