Feeling Like a Failure Today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: North Texas
Posts: 8
Feeling Like a Failure Today
Yesterday I almost drank. I was really tempted. I'm tired, feeling kind of depressed because I let myself go to the point I don't even recognize myself anymore. I got my new driver's license in the mail the other day and I look like a bloated, overweight mess. When I compared it to my previous DL picture, I couldn't believe the difference 6 years makes. It's hard to even look in the mirror anymore. It's not like I was model-gorgeous before, but I was attractive, you know? Now? Not so much. My face and body have revolted in such a way that I can't stand it.
Thankfully, my husband said, "But you're doing so good. You're on your third week." So I didn't drink.
I woke up, thankful for a new day (#18) without a hangover, but then I got a call from church saying that I was late picking up my daughter (she's 11) from an overnight event. Due to some communication errors and some additional confusion about the schedule (my confusion of course), I thought I was to go get her at noon, but it turns out I was supposed to pick her up at 8:30am.
The people at church must think I am just the biggest loser of a parent. My poor girl was sobbing when I finally got to her. I apologized to her over and over, and she said "It's okay, you didn't know". But I should have known.
I feel awful. Awful. Awful.
And angry at myself for letting things get so out of control.
We are going camping tomorrow, and I'm so worried that I'll relapse. This is a great opportunity to appreciate the outdoors, to do some hiking and fun things with my kids, and all I can think about is, "what if I want to drink?"
My husband still drinks (mostly beer), and although he has supported me and actually slowed down his own drinking, I know he will want to enjoy some beer during the trip. I'm hoping like hell I don't break.
Thanks for letting me vent. I really love this site and there are so many amazing and strong people here. I want to be amazing and strong, too.
Thankfully, my husband said, "But you're doing so good. You're on your third week." So I didn't drink.
I woke up, thankful for a new day (#18) without a hangover, but then I got a call from church saying that I was late picking up my daughter (she's 11) from an overnight event. Due to some communication errors and some additional confusion about the schedule (my confusion of course), I thought I was to go get her at noon, but it turns out I was supposed to pick her up at 8:30am.
The people at church must think I am just the biggest loser of a parent. My poor girl was sobbing when I finally got to her. I apologized to her over and over, and she said "It's okay, you didn't know". But I should have known.
I feel awful. Awful. Awful.
And angry at myself for letting things get so out of control.
We are going camping tomorrow, and I'm so worried that I'll relapse. This is a great opportunity to appreciate the outdoors, to do some hiking and fun things with my kids, and all I can think about is, "what if I want to drink?"
My husband still drinks (mostly beer), and although he has supported me and actually slowed down his own drinking, I know he will want to enjoy some beer during the trip. I'm hoping like hell I don't break.
Thanks for letting me vent. I really love this site and there are so many amazing and strong people here. I want to be amazing and strong, too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,867
You won't break, Loona.
Appreciate every sober moment of your trip. Look at every beautiful sight in nature and realize that you are seeing it with lovely sober eyes. Remember that you, too, are a beautiful creation and gift of nature; treat yourself with the same respect you give to nature's gifts to you.
Have a wonderful time, Loona.
Appreciate every sober moment of your trip. Look at every beautiful sight in nature and realize that you are seeing it with lovely sober eyes. Remember that you, too, are a beautiful creation and gift of nature; treat yourself with the same respect you give to nature's gifts to you.
Have a wonderful time, Loona.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Loona i think your beating yourself unnecessarily it was a genuine mistake there was no malice it happens i make mistakes
as for drinking on the trip i think if you talk with your husband and explain how much this could affect you il bet he'l help you out somehow dont bottle it up as its better just talking about it
i would say think about games for camping i never done that you could make this the adventure of a lifetime and create some very special memories
scary stories round the campfire etc roasting marshmellows cuddles under the stars etc
dont panic you can have SR on your mobile to help aswell
((( )))
as for drinking on the trip i think if you talk with your husband and explain how much this could affect you il bet he'l help you out somehow dont bottle it up as its better just talking about it
i would say think about games for camping i never done that you could make this the adventure of a lifetime and create some very special memories
scary stories round the campfire etc roasting marshmellows cuddles under the stars etc
dont panic you can have SR on your mobile to help aswell
((( )))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
You are being really hard on yourself! When I do that, it weakens my resolve to not drink. Please try to reframe things in a more positive way if you can. I live in your neck of the wood and Texas DLs are "not so much" - No one looks their best. As far as the church incident, listen to your daughter...you didn't know!!
Have fun camping and stay strong.
Have fun camping and stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Thoughts don't cause a hangover in the morning, so by my book that was an achievement.
We can't keep beating ourselves up over the past, it's done, it can't be changed, your husband is right, 3 Weeks Sobriety is fantastic, and by continuing to push through and put distance between our old life and replacing it with a new life, those thoughts will fade as you build a a life to be proud of!!
Hang in there!!
We can't keep beating ourselves up over the past, it's done, it can't be changed, your husband is right, 3 Weeks Sobriety is fantastic, and by continuing to push through and put distance between our old life and replacing it with a new life, those thoughts will fade as you build a a life to be proud of!!
Hang in there!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,417
You are being too hard on yourself- take a little step back and look at what you have accomplished! Three weeks is seriously great. As for the bloating and the weight, those will start to even out in a while. It took me a solid 6 weeks to stop eating everything in sight, and once that happened, the weight started to come off. I, too, had gained some weight (I'm being kind to myself right there) over the years of drinking.
As for the honest mistake with your daughter, hey, these things happens. We are human, we are fallible, and I am quite sure she will recover. Forgive yourself and move forward.
Go enjoy your family and the out of doors without beer goggles. I just bet it will be great. Take something you will enjoy drinking, as well, and share that with the kids instead of beers with the husband. Don't stop now, the best is in front of you.
Have a great time.
As for the honest mistake with your daughter, hey, these things happens. We are human, we are fallible, and I am quite sure she will recover. Forgive yourself and move forward.
Go enjoy your family and the out of doors without beer goggles. I just bet it will be great. Take something you will enjoy drinking, as well, and share that with the kids instead of beers with the husband. Don't stop now, the best is in front of you.
Have a great time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South
Posts: 226
Loona - if you weren't a drunk and you forgot or screwed up pickup time, what would you have said / thought? probably - gosh I'm such a knucklehead, can't believe I screwed that up. But then what? nothing. You wouldn't blame yourself, you wouldn't be second guessing yourself. The good news is you weren't drunk, you have been sober for quite some time. This mistake was an honest, normal, sober person mistake. If you are getting tripped up on messing up time, you are in for a whirlwind during the rest of her upbringing. Wait till you embarrass her with her boyfriend, or you wear that tacky outfit to pick her up, or start jamming to the pet shop boys in front of her friends. I haven't even begun to mention making her skip soccer because you just don't feel like getting dressed or the failed math test because you asked her to watch the little kids of the guests you were hosting the night before. There is a long list of screw ups you will have, the pickup is the least of it!...... and regrettably, all will be sober screw UPS!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
I see a lot of really positive things in your post.
First off, YOU QUIT DRINKING AND ARE WORKING ON RECOVERY!!!! This is HUGE.
The fact that you are worried about relapsing means you really care about your recovery. Now is a great time to plan ahead and figure out what your prevention strategies are. There have already been some great suggestions like taking an alternative beverage. If you need to, take a short walk to distance yourself from the situation and clear your mind.
On another note, I think it's a positive thing you feel bad about messing up on the time to pick up your daughter. I suspect any half- way decent parent would feel bad about that. It means you are a loving, caring parent and you really care about your daughter. That said, don't beat yourself up over it. Probably nobody at the church is going to remember this beyond today- it's a way bigger deal to you than to them. And if they are judging you on it, that just makes them judgemental pricks.
As to the DL picutre, your appearance is sure to improve as long as you don't drink.
And lastly, you can do this!!
First off, YOU QUIT DRINKING AND ARE WORKING ON RECOVERY!!!! This is HUGE.
The fact that you are worried about relapsing means you really care about your recovery. Now is a great time to plan ahead and figure out what your prevention strategies are. There have already been some great suggestions like taking an alternative beverage. If you need to, take a short walk to distance yourself from the situation and clear your mind.
On another note, I think it's a positive thing you feel bad about messing up on the time to pick up your daughter. I suspect any half- way decent parent would feel bad about that. It means you are a loving, caring parent and you really care about your daughter. That said, don't beat yourself up over it. Probably nobody at the church is going to remember this beyond today- it's a way bigger deal to you than to them. And if they are judging you on it, that just makes them judgemental pricks.
As to the DL picutre, your appearance is sure to improve as long as you don't drink.
And lastly, you can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
Gotta agree with the previous posters. First of all, you're not drinking. Big thumbs up for that.
The miscommunication about the pick up of your daughter was just that. Regardless of fault, mistakes happen because we're human. If you were late in picking her up because you were too hung over then it would be a different story. You weren't so don't be so hard on yourself.
Enjoy the camping trip with your family.
The miscommunication about the pick up of your daughter was just that. Regardless of fault, mistakes happen because we're human. If you were late in picking her up because you were too hung over then it would be a different story. You weren't so don't be so hard on yourself.
Enjoy the camping trip with your family.
AlmA
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
Dear Loona,
Do not beat yourself up if you made a mistake with your daughter,
we all make mistakes, you made a mistake learn from it and next time you will be there.
It is normal after quitting you have ups and downs, it makes us depress.
Think that alcohol is very fattening.
I noticed when I stopped drinking I lost weight!!!
You are going to start loosing weight and look gorgeous again.
Maybe you should concentrate in getting fit, it would help you to keep busy,
Join a Gym or a Hikking group, or swimming,...
If you continue drinking it would be The Really Big Mistake,
and will damage your realationship with your daughter.
If you are sober you will start recovering your mental health and
will be there for your family.
If you can ask your husband to try not to drink arround you that would help.
maybe ask him to drink outside home. Ask him to make an effort.
Keep strong and enjoy the good things you have,
breathe the good air in the country side,
hug your loves ones,
We tend to concentrate in the bad side and not apreciate the love we have.
You will be ok as loong as you keep away!!!
Congrats on your sobery!!!
XXX
Do not beat yourself up if you made a mistake with your daughter,
we all make mistakes, you made a mistake learn from it and next time you will be there.
It is normal after quitting you have ups and downs, it makes us depress.
Think that alcohol is very fattening.
I noticed when I stopped drinking I lost weight!!!
You are going to start loosing weight and look gorgeous again.
Maybe you should concentrate in getting fit, it would help you to keep busy,
Join a Gym or a Hikking group, or swimming,...
If you continue drinking it would be The Really Big Mistake,
and will damage your realationship with your daughter.
If you are sober you will start recovering your mental health and
will be there for your family.
If you can ask your husband to try not to drink arround you that would help.
maybe ask him to drink outside home. Ask him to make an effort.
Keep strong and enjoy the good things you have,
breathe the good air in the country side,
hug your loves ones,
We tend to concentrate in the bad side and not apreciate the love we have.
You will be ok as loong as you keep away!!!
Congrats on your sobery!!!
XXX
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