knowthetriggers

Hello everyone. Today is my mom's birthday. I called to wish her a happy birthday, she is in such a great mood. I miss her so much, we live 16 hours from home. She was telling me of her plans today, one is to have a girls only lunch with my sister's. I totally want to be there!

Now I am directing my anger at my AH. I mean it is his fault we are here right? Easier to make it his fault when I know very well it's not. I know I am the one that moved here on my own free will. I am struggling to get past these feelings before he comes from the grocery store.

I did so well last weekend when his stash was staring me in the face. I was not expecting these feelings to show themselves today!

My youngest has already seen me crying....she ran off to tell my oldest who told her it was because I miss my mom. I know she will tell my AH when he gets home, she is my little informer..LOL.

Sweet Jesus help me to keep my mouth in check!!!

Prayers of strength would be greatly appreciated!!

Love you guys!

dandylion

knowthetriggers....I totally inderstand that you miss your family. That is so normal.

You are human. You miss your family. Is that supposed to be some kind of secret....

I guess I just don't see where the problem is....?

dandylion ....?

***can you not just express your feeling..."I miss my family so much and I am sorry that I moved away from them".
I have seen people do this when they had to move for job opportunities...education....and a whole lot of different reasons. But, that did not negate their feelings and did not cause them to stuff them.

knowthetriggers

My problem is I blame him for the move, every holiday, birthday, family gathering, I blame my AH for the move.

Been 10 years, think I should be able to let it go, but I can't. I don't want to be wounded anymore. I am just looking for a way to escape this blame game. Bring myself back to my happy place, that's all.

knowthetriggers

Oh not to mention this move to was to start a new life....ya know, no drinking, and we all know that didn't happen either.

dandylion

Knowthetriggers....I hear what you are saying. By the way, I went back and edited my post to you.

Are you sure that y ou are trying to force a square peg into a round hole? You can't really force yourself into your happy place if your are not really happy, can you....

dandylion

knowthetriggers

Thanks Dandy...I seem to react first blurt out all my displeasure. I really hate it when I do that.

And no...I can't force that square pet...

lizatola

I agree with Dandylion. You are allowed to miss your family, even if it's been 10 years or 20. The best you can do is stop blaming him and accept the situation as it is. It's OK to grieve and miss your family and what was, but blaming him isn't helping you either. Honestly, I think this all comes down to acceptance. I don't know if you are working an Al Anon program or not, but I suggest doing some reading and journaling on acceptance.

I am still living in Phoenix after 20 years. I miss my FOO (maternal side) every single day now for 20 years. Yet, I know this is where I am supposed to be. My Higher Power wants me here for whatever reason. I remember telling my AH that I only wanted to 'check out the southwest and some day get back to the east coast'. He agreed. We've never been back, except to visit. It is what it is. Life is never perfect and even if I were to move back, everyone else's lives have changed so much, the visualization that I have of perfect family gatherings or of seeing my mom more, may not actually come to fruition. Mainly because I'd still be busy with life as would she.

Oh, and we moved way out here to get away from AH's family because, according to him, they were all alcoholics and crazy. Go figure, that 20 years ago, I thought he was the normal one, LOL!

healthyagain

Oh, I can so relate. I am myself extremely resentful these days, blaming him for many many things. I am also very far away from home, haven't seen my family for 6+ years, and it hurts so bad. And you know what? It is not that bad to be mad if you channel your anger and if it leads you to action. I moved on my free will as well, but I was also lied to. Otherwise, I would not dare to move. But now I know the truth, and it is time to do something. I have right to be mad that he would rather spend nights with a glass of whiskey than with his wife. And I also have right to take care of my own life and move on.

knowthetriggers

Thanks lizatola. I know that my HP has me here for a reason as well, I really believe that.

When he came home and I told him I talked to mom I couldn't even finish my sentence before I was crying and babbling like a baby!!! Of course he comforted me, held me and said it was going to be ok. He says I should try to make a lunch plans when we go home for Christmas.

I'm done with it. Thanks for reading and responding. I will not waste my day acting hurt. In fact my oldest DD and I will be heading out for some lunch a a little shopping.

Peace.

gettingstronger

You're entitled to feel sad over missing your family. There's nothing wrong with those emotions.

What can you do for yourself that will help you feel like you're a continuing part of the circle of women in your family? Would you be able to plan a girls meet-up vacation someplace half way between your family home and where you live now, sometime later this year? Could the women in your family collaborate on putting a family scrapbook together, including multiple generations?

My mom passed away many years ago, so now it's just my sister and I. But we live 1200 miles apart, and only see each other once every 4 or 5 years. We've been putting together a scrapbook of family history together, through the mail, and now through email. We thought we were doing this to preserve our family history for our kids. But really, this has been a way for the two of us to connect with each other, even if just by phone or email.

sending hugs and prayers.