ajarlson

Wow nothing here for days! Hoping that means everyone is doing well! I did get a text message from my brother which I believe was a fishing expedition for my mother but he never followed up. It's hard not knowing - is she so mad she doesn't want to talk to me? Is she trying to get a hold of me still? Is she getting my brother to do her dirty work? Usually I can ignore the thoughts and go on with life, this was a small set back.
Hope everyone had a great week.

INgal

Have a great weekend and keep up the good work!

thotful

I can only make guesses on this based on my own experience. When I used to triangulate (and I DID it a lot). Heck, I even get urges to do it now. My primary reason was because it was easier. It's easier to talk to someone else and have them pass the message on. That person won't confront you and disagree with you. They just act as the messenger. Unfortunately, I also avoid conflict and bury my feelings of fear. I also involve a third party in something that doesn't involve them. They get dragged in all kinds of confused. Person A asks person C to speak to person B. Unfortunately, person C cannot speak for person A AND cannot speak for person B - thus, a WHOLE bunch of reality is lost in translation.

I now try and speak to people directly when I want to contact them.

I also realize that there are people in my life who choose to direct their communication through different channels - withdrawal, indirect, and triangulation. It's rather annoying playing 20 questions with it - For a few of my FOO members, I rarely get a straight answer when I ask them what it is they would like to say directly and in front of them.

happybeingme

None of it is any of your business. And honestly do you really want to know? You find out than you feel guilty, or sad or bad. You go back. You get drawn into the drama. Blah, blah. Let it go. Live your life the best you can and leave them do what they will with their own.

NWGRITS

You're doing exactly what she wants you to do: give the control back to her while she lives rent-free in your head. Mission accomplished.

ajarlson

Fortunately I was able to move on pretty quickly although did have a good heart to heart with my oldest daughter who reassured me again that cutting grama out was a decision supported 100% by ALL my kids. That says a lot I think.