How to quit, when no one thinks you should?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 275
How to quit, when no one thinks you should?
So, as my title states, how do you quit when all your friends/family don't think you should? Well that's not exactly accurate... They probably know you should but give you every reason not to.
Examples:
Out night clubbing with friends starting up to almost 4 years ago, "I think I'm an alcoholic!" ..."No, you just need to not do shots, then you'd be fine!" Ahhh! OK! *problem fixed
And more recently after 8 months of not drinking, I had a few glasses of wine at xmas. My biggest critic and supporter, my mom, gave me a bit of a hard time over that week and I was annoyed/thankful for that. However, a few weeks later we went to dinner and before leaving the restaurant, she offered me the rest of her white wine. (shes seen me at my WORST btw)
Most recently, I tell my husband on the 28th of February that that is my last night drinking and he agrees. Even compliments me when I have my self help books out the next morning. (He doesn't like drunk me most of the time) However, the next day at lunch he offers me a sip of his beer! I declined.
Y'all, I DO NOT know what to do here. I know drinking is not a good fit for me, but I am having a hard time convincing myself and others that I have a problem. Am I over reacting?
Examples:
Out night clubbing with friends starting up to almost 4 years ago, "I think I'm an alcoholic!" ..."No, you just need to not do shots, then you'd be fine!" Ahhh! OK! *problem fixed
And more recently after 8 months of not drinking, I had a few glasses of wine at xmas. My biggest critic and supporter, my mom, gave me a bit of a hard time over that week and I was annoyed/thankful for that. However, a few weeks later we went to dinner and before leaving the restaurant, she offered me the rest of her white wine. (shes seen me at my WORST btw)
Most recently, I tell my husband on the 28th of February that that is my last night drinking and he agrees. Even compliments me when I have my self help books out the next morning. (He doesn't like drunk me most of the time) However, the next day at lunch he offers me a sip of his beer! I declined.
Y'all, I DO NOT know what to do here. I know drinking is not a good fit for me, but I am having a hard time convincing myself and others that I have a problem. Am I over reacting?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Pinot your sobriety and your recovery are yours. Well-intentioned friends and family offering you sips probably think they are controlling whatyour drink when actually they are igniting the fire.
Be honest with yourself -- can you drink responsibly, do you drink responsibly. If you are anything like me the answers will be "no".
Be honest with yourself -- can you drink responsibly, do you drink responsibly. If you are anything like me the answers will be "no".
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by PinotNOmore 
I am having a hard time convincing myself and others
For me, convincing myself was the whole ballgame. After that I found I didn't need to convince anyone else.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I was the one who had to go to work hungover everyday and spent the weekends alone on the couch sweating yet cold under a down comforter, not my well-intentioned friends.
There are probably a few people who wish I could drink like a normal person but there is just no way. I had to quit for myself. Period.
I'll ask the age old question: if everyone thought you should jump off a bridge, would you?
Your mom has seen you at your worst but I'll bet she can't understand the mental anguish that drinking causes us alcoholics. I was thinking about drinking all the time, even when I was simply thinking about how drinking made me hungover and sweaty at work. Non-addicts don't get it.
There are probably a few people who wish I could drink like a normal person but there is just no way. I had to quit for myself. Period.
I'll ask the age old question: if everyone thought you should jump off a bridge, would you?
Your mom has seen you at your worst but I'll bet she can't understand the mental anguish that drinking causes us alcoholics. I was thinking about drinking all the time, even when I was simply thinking about how drinking made me hungover and sweaty at work. Non-addicts don't get it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I had to change my life - a lot, Pinot.
It was great wrench not to go out and get drunk like I'd done for so many years - but I knew it was destroying me in a way my friends could not seem to understand.
Things got better over time - I came to love my new life
D
It was great wrench not to go out and get drunk like I'd done for so many years - but I knew it was destroying me in a way my friends could not seem to understand.
Things got better over time - I came to love my new life
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: scotland
Posts: 84
Hi There pinotnomore
I can totally understand I was so anger when people wanted to persuade me to drink it made me think why I thought when I told the world that I had a problem the support would be on Tap?
I have been sober since Nov 2014 and I feel it is the right decision for me I can’t control my drinking and that is it I suffer massively with the mental aftermath of drinking. I am very lucky to have stopped when I did as I was on the verge of loosing everything.
You do what your hart and gut tells you to do and when it comes to drinking better safe than sorry,
My theory is when we tell someone we don’t want to drink it almost makes them jealous or something?
My wife who I love very much despised my drinking and smoking we argued all the time about it but the day I told her I had to quit and see a doctor she was like well give it up for a while and in a few months you can have a few,, Nope not me never had a few in my life and never will it took me going to AA meetings before she finally understood I had an issue.
I think looking back it is hard for friends and more so family to accept that we have an issue with alcohol but when they see how different we are without it the support seems to follow
I always say I am no expert on any matters but I like to share things that I feel and have experienced so far so good luck.
I can totally understand I was so anger when people wanted to persuade me to drink it made me think why I thought when I told the world that I had a problem the support would be on Tap?
I have been sober since Nov 2014 and I feel it is the right decision for me I can’t control my drinking and that is it I suffer massively with the mental aftermath of drinking. I am very lucky to have stopped when I did as I was on the verge of loosing everything.
You do what your hart and gut tells you to do and when it comes to drinking better safe than sorry,
My theory is when we tell someone we don’t want to drink it almost makes them jealous or something?
My wife who I love very much despised my drinking and smoking we argued all the time about it but the day I told her I had to quit and see a doctor she was like well give it up for a while and in a few months you can have a few,, Nope not me never had a few in my life and never will it took me going to AA meetings before she finally understood I had an issue.
I think looking back it is hard for friends and more so family to accept that we have an issue with alcohol but when they see how different we are without it the support seems to follow
I always say I am no expert on any matters but I like to share things that I feel and have experienced so far so good luck.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Pinot, because I did a lot of my drinking alone, no-one thought I had a problem but me. I KNEW I had a problem, but I didn't want to go into the gory details with my F&F about how much I really drank.
You decide for yourself, and feel free to be quite clear with your F&F that you don't want to be offered alcohol. They often think it's to do with volume (one sip won't hurt) and don't appreciate that you've formed a habit that requires total abstinence. Like offering an ex-smoker a drag on a cigarette.
You decide for yourself, and feel free to be quite clear with your F&F that you don't want to be offered alcohol. They often think it's to do with volume (one sip won't hurt) and don't appreciate that you've formed a habit that requires total abstinence. Like offering an ex-smoker a drag on a cigarette.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
It's hard enough without people pressuring you to drink; it must really be hard when the pressure is coming from the people in your life that really should know better. I suggest just being polite but firm. Let people know you're not drinking and it's not a topic you're going to discuss with them (not right there at the dinner table at least).
You're doing this for you! Everyone else will fall into line eventually.
You're doing this for you! Everyone else will fall into line eventually.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by PinotNOmore
Y'all, I DO NOT know what to do here. I know drinking is not a good fit for me...
Poppycock.
Whatever it takes. Seems to me that in your case that will include effectively communicating boundaries to the people around you. They don't know, but you do. Explain it. You might consider using language more plain and direct than it's not a good fit for me. Addiction is not a pleasant situation. People die from this. No need to try to make it seem like it isn't so bad. Be blunt.
You can do this.
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Dear Pinot,
I identify with you. I do not look forward to being pressured, as I certainly will be. I will find it most uncomfortable since I am a "go with the flow" personality who has trouble resisting a consensus, even in small matters.
Of the changes needed, the changes D. notes, the biggest for me will be to transform my personality into that of a person who does not simply go along at the slightest push.
Mel
I identify with you. I do not look forward to being pressured, as I certainly will be. I will find it most uncomfortable since I am a "go with the flow" personality who has trouble resisting a consensus, even in small matters.
Of the changes needed, the changes D. notes, the biggest for me will be to transform my personality into that of a person who does not simply go along at the slightest push.
Mel
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
a couple years ago my wife was trying to get me to quit drinking, she was doing a LOT of research on the subject, the sinclair method and some other things in the form of a pill that would 'cure' me.
But she would pick up the cases of beer I asked her to when I called from work= and she would put 6 in the fridge to be cold for when I got home. Every time.
Like Deckard says, you only have to convince yourself. Once you do that, the rest is up to you.
But she would pick up the cases of beer I asked her to when I called from work= and she would put 6 in the fridge to be cold for when I got home. Every time.
Like Deckard says, you only have to convince yourself. Once you do that, the rest is up to you.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Pinot.
if YOU think you should quite then you should quit.
Because it's your life, not anyone else's.
As simple as that.
Tell yourself that in no-nonsense way that you should quit. Don't wait for anyone's approval. Do it.
if YOU think you should quite then you should quit.
Because it's your life, not anyone else's.
As simple as that.
Tell yourself that in no-nonsense way that you should quit. Don't wait for anyone's approval. Do it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 24
Pinot, honestly I had the same happen to me all throughout my teens, twenties and thirties...then in my forties as my alcohol abuse got worse they turned it all around onto me because ultimately it is my responsibility. You have to save yourself and if they aren't on board with that then you need to sit them all down individually and tell them you are trying to improve your health and this is kindness to yourself to quit drinking alcohol. Some people can moderate, but after alcohol abuse, most can't. You can pickle a cucumber but you can't unpickle a pickle.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Me too, me too, me too!!! Nobody in my life thought I should quit but they are not the ones dealing with the hangovers, shame, etc. etc... You know? It's up to us to decide because these iade our lives. You have made the right choice and in your heart, you know what's right!!!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Lots of good advice here Pinot. You've struggled with this question for quite a long time, many of us did too.
The bottom line is that what other people about your drinking has no bearing. If you think you have a problem with alcohol, you do - nothing anyone else can say or do will change that.
I would suggest you look at the actual facts and make a decision base on those. Go back and read some of the threads you have posted here over the past year and all of the problems alcohol has cause you during that time.
If you do decide that staying sober is your goal, there will need to be many changes that will not be comfortable for you. But really - how comfortable are you now dealing with the albatross of fighting alcohol hanging around you neck?
The bottom line is that what other people about your drinking has no bearing. If you think you have a problem with alcohol, you do - nothing anyone else can say or do will change that.
I would suggest you look at the actual facts and make a decision base on those. Go back and read some of the threads you have posted here over the past year and all of the problems alcohol has cause you during that time.
If you do decide that staying sober is your goal, there will need to be many changes that will not be comfortable for you. But really - how comfortable are you now dealing with the albatross of fighting alcohol hanging around you neck?
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