It just comes out of the blue-vent
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Join Date: Jan 2015
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It just comes out of the blue-vent
I've been trying to examine the times when I want to punch the xabf in the face. Not that I would, just feel like it. It seems to come out of the blue. I'll be going along just fine then I think of him and want to just burn his stuff. Yep, I still have it. His parents are still in FL.
I have been trying really hard to accept his dumping me and cutting me off. Yes, yes I know his recovery comes first. He can't handle a "relationship" a job, school, new apt, new friends, random hook ups with girls in rehab of course because they will "understand him more"
( I was told the gossip, they aren't well monitored) every thing else in life, just not a relationship. Not that I want one with him, it's just that other recovery methods seem to integrate people back into real life or at least help people recover while living in the world, while his rehab seems to put them in a year long protective bubble. They can just become addicted to the program now. Yeah, much better.
Anyway, I've come to realize that part of my anger comes from simply having my life flipped, my friendship degraded to Codie and being abandoned in the name of recovery. The silent treatment and emotional abandonment are recognized forms of psychological abuse everywhere except at his and certain other rehabs. So now the same crap behavior gets a pat on the back. Maybe I will burn that stuff. Awful chilly here on Long Island
I have been trying really hard to accept his dumping me and cutting me off. Yes, yes I know his recovery comes first. He can't handle a "relationship" a job, school, new apt, new friends, random hook ups with girls in rehab of course because they will "understand him more"
( I was told the gossip, they aren't well monitored) every thing else in life, just not a relationship. Not that I want one with him, it's just that other recovery methods seem to integrate people back into real life or at least help people recover while living in the world, while his rehab seems to put them in a year long protective bubble. They can just become addicted to the program now. Yeah, much better.
Anyway, I've come to realize that part of my anger comes from simply having my life flipped, my friendship degraded to Codie and being abandoned in the name of recovery. The silent treatment and emotional abandonment are recognized forms of psychological abuse everywhere except at his and certain other rehabs. So now the same crap behavior gets a pat on the back. Maybe I will burn that stuff. Awful chilly here on Long Island
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Ducky....you do realize that these rehab "hook ups" are destined to blow up in a cloud of smoke, don"t you?
Make a mental note to send him a thank you note, in about 5yrs. Thanking him for releasing you from a relationship that wasn't good for you.
dandylion
Make a mental note to send him a thank you note, in about 5yrs. Thanking him for releasing you from a relationship that wasn't good for you.
dandylion
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Join Date: Jan 2015
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Yep earthworm, that's NY for you. He went in voluntarily while waiting for sentencing on his 5th dui/DWI. You can voluntarily stay up to a year. The judge sees that he's already put himself away and slaps 6 more months on for a grand total of 18 months. However, there are guys there who got mandated 6 months and because they keep breaking house rules, they've been there 2 years. No cell phones, so he couldn't really call. I used to visit on family night until he decided he " might want something diffrent so it's not fair to have you wait around" not because I might be hurt, but because he's gonna want something else. He was let lose with 2 houses of girls on the same property who are always mixing with them though that's against the "rules".
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Ducky, that rehab sounds incredibly dodgy. Lose this guy asap. As for his stuff, does he have any money to his name? If so ask him to pay for a storage locker or nominate someone who will take the goods.
I don't know the law, but I also don't see why you should have to look after goods abandoned by your ex.
I don't know the law, but I also don't see why you should have to look after goods abandoned by your ex.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
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FG, you are right. He doesn't have 2 pennies to rub together. His parents are grabbing his stuff. They should have been back by now but our weather is the pits. I want nothing to do with him in my life.
That rehab and a few others are very, very dodgy! The one he was at was under investigation by the state and closed to new clients for about 6 months. It was totally out of control with the sex, fighting and people brining in synthetic marijuana. I have read so many stories of husbands and wives meeting people in rehab (and AA) and leaving their families. Gf's and bf's get dumped about 3 months in on average from what I can tell.
It's always the same answer for the ones left behind "rehab didn't cheat on you he/she did so that's the only one you can blame" to a point yes, but the "medical" facility that you trust to care for them throws SICK men and women together with no supervision other than "discouraging" relationships, but knows good and dam well human nature won't be denied is absolutely to blame. They cut them off from family and people who cared about them and throw them in with these shoulders to cry on. Drugs out of the system, libido kicks in, closeness desired and off they go! And of course now the excuse is "I have to focus on me" sponsors, counselors and the lot just nod in approval. This is what they advised he said. This is why I don't even want a recovered addict in my life with less than 10 years unbroken sobriety. I will never put myself in the line of anyone who may relapse on me. And if Mr. 10 years misses the mark, he'd be gone in 10 minutes!
That rehab and a few others are very, very dodgy! The one he was at was under investigation by the state and closed to new clients for about 6 months. It was totally out of control with the sex, fighting and people brining in synthetic marijuana. I have read so many stories of husbands and wives meeting people in rehab (and AA) and leaving their families. Gf's and bf's get dumped about 3 months in on average from what I can tell.
It's always the same answer for the ones left behind "rehab didn't cheat on you he/she did so that's the only one you can blame" to a point yes, but the "medical" facility that you trust to care for them throws SICK men and women together with no supervision other than "discouraging" relationships, but knows good and dam well human nature won't be denied is absolutely to blame. They cut them off from family and people who cared about them and throw them in with these shoulders to cry on. Drugs out of the system, libido kicks in, closeness desired and off they go! And of course now the excuse is "I have to focus on me" sponsors, counselors and the lot just nod in approval. This is what they advised he said. This is why I don't even want a recovered addict in my life with less than 10 years unbroken sobriety. I will never put myself in the line of anyone who may relapse on me. And if Mr. 10 years misses the mark, he'd be gone in 10 minutes!
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