Wife of a recovering addict
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Ohio
Posts: 14
Wife of a recovering addict
Hello everyone...
I'm not exactly sure how this works, but I know I have to start somewhere. I am the wife of a recovering IV heroin addict and I'm struggling to find where I fit in in his recovery. Several years ago he was using heroin, but not IV, he did detox at home that time and was clean until sometime about a year or so ago. I never expected it to happen again. For a few months now, I've known in my gut that something want right, but I never suspected this. On Monday (2-23-15), he came clean to me about what he had been doing and said that he needed help. I was heartbroken, I felt so betrayed and helpless, it was the worst feeling in the world. I tried to maintain my composure because he was asking for help, but I was a mess inside. He checked himself into voluntary detox and called me the next day to confess some of the things he had done, nothing could've prepared me for what he would tell me. Our entire savings was gone, he sold my car (I thought it was in the shop), sold his dirt bike, pawned our computer with all of our sons pictures on it, stole his mom's TV and pawned it, stole money and scrap from work (he's a welder), lost his job the end of January and he took a loan out on our car and the title had a lien on it. Not only was I left to process the reality of what he was doing, I was left to try and clean up a giant financial mess, with no resources to do so. While trying to come to terms with the fact that my husband was an IV drug user and still be a parent to our 5 year old, I managed to save our computer and his mom's TV, and borrowed the money to pay off the loan on our car. In the process of getting to the bottom of our financial debt heroin caused, I have estimated our total to be about $50,000, not including anything stolen. He was discharged from the detox center Monday and is at home now. He has been doing great until last night, he took his last dose of Subutex yesterday morning and I think it's catching up to him. He has been feeling terrible all day, sleeping most of the time and being irritable. I want to help him through this, but I'm not sure what to do... On his first night back home, we laid our ground rules and discussed what our expectations were of one another. The only thing he asked of me is that I not push him to do or say anything before he was ready, which I promised I wouldn't do... I'm learning that even positive reinforcement, praise and asking if I can do anything to help is a form of "pushing" him, so I'm trying to find the fine line between being supportive and being overbearing. I'm just not sure what to do, which is why I'm here. He and I can talk about what we're feeling, but I can't relate to what he's feeling and he can't relate to what I'm feeling. I'm hoping someone on here has been where I am and can offer some support and guidance... Congratulations to each one of you on your sobriety, you are all amazing people, I know that before I have been able to get to know you!
I'm not exactly sure how this works, but I know I have to start somewhere. I am the wife of a recovering IV heroin addict and I'm struggling to find where I fit in in his recovery. Several years ago he was using heroin, but not IV, he did detox at home that time and was clean until sometime about a year or so ago. I never expected it to happen again. For a few months now, I've known in my gut that something want right, but I never suspected this. On Monday (2-23-15), he came clean to me about what he had been doing and said that he needed help. I was heartbroken, I felt so betrayed and helpless, it was the worst feeling in the world. I tried to maintain my composure because he was asking for help, but I was a mess inside. He checked himself into voluntary detox and called me the next day to confess some of the things he had done, nothing could've prepared me for what he would tell me. Our entire savings was gone, he sold my car (I thought it was in the shop), sold his dirt bike, pawned our computer with all of our sons pictures on it, stole his mom's TV and pawned it, stole money and scrap from work (he's a welder), lost his job the end of January and he took a loan out on our car and the title had a lien on it. Not only was I left to process the reality of what he was doing, I was left to try and clean up a giant financial mess, with no resources to do so. While trying to come to terms with the fact that my husband was an IV drug user and still be a parent to our 5 year old, I managed to save our computer and his mom's TV, and borrowed the money to pay off the loan on our car. In the process of getting to the bottom of our financial debt heroin caused, I have estimated our total to be about $50,000, not including anything stolen. He was discharged from the detox center Monday and is at home now. He has been doing great until last night, he took his last dose of Subutex yesterday morning and I think it's catching up to him. He has been feeling terrible all day, sleeping most of the time and being irritable. I want to help him through this, but I'm not sure what to do... On his first night back home, we laid our ground rules and discussed what our expectations were of one another. The only thing he asked of me is that I not push him to do or say anything before he was ready, which I promised I wouldn't do... I'm learning that even positive reinforcement, praise and asking if I can do anything to help is a form of "pushing" him, so I'm trying to find the fine line between being supportive and being overbearing. I'm just not sure what to do, which is why I'm here. He and I can talk about what we're feeling, but I can't relate to what he's feeling and he can't relate to what I'm feeling. I'm hoping someone on here has been where I am and can offer some support and guidance... Congratulations to each one of you on your sobriety, you are all amazing people, I know that before I have been able to get to know you!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Welcome, MissMO, to SR. I am truly sorry for what brings you here.
You will find a supportive, understanding and encouraging community here at SR.
There is a Friends & Families forum you might want to check out.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/
You will find a supportive, understanding and encouraging community here at SR.
There is a Friends & Families forum you might want to check out.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome,
I'm not sure you can do much to help your husband, but you can do things to help yourself. Have you tried AlAnon or NarAnon as a support for you, and as others said, please check out the Friends & Families forum for support for you.
I'm not sure you can do much to help your husband, but you can do things to help yourself. Have you tried AlAnon or NarAnon as a support for you, and as others said, please check out the Friends & Families forum for support for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 1,053
He needs to get sober for himself and I would wait until he asks for help... but I would say get help for yourself and set what boundaries you need to for you and your son. Your husband should know what the boundaries are - you should not have to live like this.
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