Charliee

I had a couple of drinks, nothing major. Felt nice besides the guilt! I know it can get out of control again very easily, so today is over. I can feel it getting ahold of me again and I cannot go through all that again! !

ScottFromWI

Glad you are here Charilee...don't let this turn into something major

Dee74

I'm sorry you drank again Charliee.

You've been threatening to do so for a long time - now that you have and it wasn't the experience you wanted, maybe now it's time to look at other ways of finding the peace and happiness you want, but seem to find so elusive?

D

trachemys

Charliee, repeat after me:

I don't drink
I don't drink
I don't drink
I don't drink
I don't drink
I don't drink
I don't drink
I don't drink
I don't drink
I don't drink
I don't drink
I don't drink

Charliee

Dee, the sad part is it wasn't horrible just yet, it was good but just because I'm scared and didn't go completely overboard. But I feel grabbing onto me already....

miko67

Charliee I celebrated two year cake n everything. I feel content in my sobriety can I ask what your doing in yours? R u in group? Being of service working any program?
I'm glad you posted though , n you haven't gone too far. Pull away n get bl on track we share the same dates nearly . I hope ur well
Peace

ClearLight

I went for five years. Then gradually started up again. I'm trying to quit again because I'm back to where I was when I quit. Same amount as then.

Dang.

Charliee

No, nothing. I don't think my family wants me to do anything anymore. I did rehab, aa, a counselor and service, so now I'm supposed to be cured and not tall about it anymore

soberclover

I was 13 years and then started drinking. It was casual and nothing bad happened.....at first. Then over time things became progressively worse....because that is what alcoholism does....always. I hope you don't have to go through that journey.

Thepatman

Sorry about your setback.

I'm only 57 days in myself. I'm just curious, after 2 years of hard work, how long did you debate before giving in? Is it something that cooked for long? Or just an f-it moment? I'm just wondering and want to prepare ahead if I can.

Charliee

I also hate being told what to do. I'm just a little bit of a rebel, tell me not to do something I want to do it all the more. Kinda like a child

Dee74

This is not about your family Charliee.

It will be much better for you (and for them) to do something proactive now rather than be carted off to rehab, or worse, in 6 months time.

I'm into telling you what to do - you're an adult. You can do what you want- even bad stuff.

Just sharing my experience.
Drinking makes everything worse.

D

Thepatman

Ok same question. After 13 years, nothing in particular happened, you just picked up a drink? How can I prepare? Please?

Charliee

Its been cooking for awhile. I don't remember before I was an alcoholic having a problem dealing with my emotions but after I recovered my only thought was to fix it without alcohol

Charliee

With alcohol

Charliee

And again as wrong as this sounds, it's a little bit of I can do this (drink) and you don't know, so look how good I am

Thepatman

Thanks! Then my priority will be to continue dealing with my emotions. I'm still struggling. I get mad, I think about booze, I get sad, same.

Thepatman

Noted as well. I could see myself doing this. I need to build contingency so I don't fall in traps. The last 57 days have not been fun. I want out, permanently.
Your help and experience is appreciated.

Blessings

LBrain

Hey Chuck, sorry to hear you finally caved. For the past six months, at least, you have been talking about having a drink. Usually near the end of the month. Then you 'go away' for some time and come back and post you feel like you want to drink again. There is definitely a pattern there. You were preparing yourself for this moment.
Aside from the other turmoil you may be facing in your life, this "wanting to drink" for so long has finally won. It is my belief that instead of just posting that you feel like drinking once a month you may want to consider posting each month as a victory. Reinforce your commitment to sobriety each month instead of lamenting the loss of drinking from you life. It seems almost painful for you to not be able to "enjoy a drink". A different mind set and a different approach to sobriety.
It has been suggested to others that giving up drinking is NOT punishment, but rather freedom. That you have survived two years of not drinking while wanting to is a testament to your ability to take charge over it. Any number of cliches come to mind.

What is important is for you to decide if you want sobriety or not. I think you have been on the fence for a while. It's time to choose.

Glad you made it two years, congrats. Let's pick it up and move forward eh.

Anna

Charliee, this disease is relentless. As you said, already you are feeling the pull. Don't go that way. You know how it will end.