soberbrah

Had some pretty great success


Started feeling okay at times. Had more money than I had before. Got a hot girlfriend. Then I'm on vacation and I decide I need to drink. Man that felt good. And I figured this will be different because I have stuff goin on now, before my drinking was just a symptom of boredom and loneliness. I drank two Saturdays ago. I muscled my way to that Wednesday before I became full blown.


I have anxiety. Bad with public speaking. I believe these are commonalities with my breed of alcoholic. Anyways I went to meetings and one place forces you to speak. I love the theory of exposure etc.. All my exposure does is further me wanting to put a bullet in my head. Anyways I'm "sharing" and struggling and this chair just has a sht eating grin. I figure I'm never willingly subjecting myself to that again. White knuckle 111 days and boom here I am

Alwyshope12

Did you do anything besides white knuckle it? Changing that constant feeling of anxiety is very difficult, but it can be done with a good plan and dedication.

I have a similar number of days as you had, and I still will not out myself near alcohol or in any situation that would jeopardize my sobriety

soberbrah

When I fall off I fall off

No grace period aside from first few at my hotel. Anyways my periods of drinking are so self destructive and I become so nonfunctional that I'm not even given the opportunity to get into jackpots that force me down the path of sustained sobriety

soberbrah

I showed that chair huh lol

Buggirl

What did you do?

Dee74

Sorry you decided to drink again. I think the public speaking thing is another issue entirely, brah.

Try another meeting?

D

soberbrah

Yea it's tough to explain

Not trying to be all av here but a lot of the reasons booze does it for me is the public speaking type stuff

My body has failed me

soberbrah

Anyways I'm 111 days sober walking around Disney world with my bae. I realize that something is spiritually corrupt in my being and why not have some beverages plus I had my cognitive brain telling me I'm rich and have this smoking hot girl in love with me thus I'm faring well at life.
Yada ya...here I am holed up incapacitated by this

soberbrah

Kim such a vicious boozer too with no qualms about it I'm baffled hearing about dudes who keep it together to maintain a job and even be in position to manufacture a family let alone be able to ruin one. Me it's just instantly game over

Inchworm

i'm sorry, soberbrah, that you decided to drink again. It happened and you can't change the past. Pour out any you have left drink some water, go to bed. Tomorrow we will be here.

soberbrah

I go from being pretty put together to certified bum within 48 hours

My party mode head I think I'm a rock star in reality I'm just a bum

mns1

Hey soberbrah,

When you say something is spiritually corrupt in your being, do you mean you feel unfulfilled in a way? Do you feel disconnected? Empty?

Whatever the case, alcohol doesn't seem to be fixing it. And it never does. If your spirit is dampened, alcohol will just straight up douse it.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

soberbrah

It ws a joke point is no matter what kind of cask suckin pos he is I shouldn't give up on the whole deal. I have the drop on this guy in multitude of metrics the reason I drink is because I get betrayed by my body or whatever and that frustration is the true fire to this

soberbrah

Felt like I've been dead inside since age 8-10. My spirit is fractured and it's a tragedy. I have been crippled with this anxiety and depression and it's a shame. I'm this good looking guy and super adept sociAlly yet for whatever reasons I'm this complete loser mess. It's the frustration I have towards myself during scenerios where the chair is laughing at me being nervous. It's that anger that fuels this when I know at heart I'm the effing man up in this piece

Dee74

There's nothing you can teach me about being betrayed by your body.

It's still an excuse tho. I used to get pissed off and drink.

Now I just get pissed off.
It passes.

There's absolutely nothing in AA rules that compels you to speak. Say pass.

D

BernieE

You judge yourself so harshly. I hope you can find a way to be easier on yourself and others. We all make mistakes. Doesn't make us losers. Makes us human.