Jen73

I am on Step 1, and read the Doctors opinion and chapter 1 and 2 in the big book. I am learning the 12 and 12 steps through this book. This is what I have so far:

What do you all think?

I didn’t think I had a problem drinking. I thought everyone else had a problem and were crazy. I thought drinking was a medication to take my problems away and I liked how it made me feel. The more people in my life were telling me that I am not myself when I drink; you are an alcoholic and I would get angry and offensive toward them.

Until one day right in front of my face I realize I had a problem drinking when the cops came to my door. I had the CPS involved and was afraid they will take my kids away and my husband would kick me out of our house. So when we had CPS came to the house the next day I decided to get me help by going to AA meetings and AA forums.

I realizing that alcohol wasn’t good for me; it destroys everything that I touch in my life. It made me into something that no one wants to be around. I become hateful, unfaithful, forgetful, sluggish, and out of control. Realizing I cannot have alcohol again gives me something to look forward of all the times I miss when I had hangovers and blackouts. I know that I can’t just have one beer or shot of vodka to drink and I know that I was powerlessness to alcohol that poisons my body and mind.

I always been a spiritual person, Nature, art, philosophy, psychology, and science but when the word GOD comes by me, I freeze! My mother is a Pentecostal and my father didn’t believe anything. So I was brought up to know one God and that frights me because I don’t feel comfortable with it. When I started AA, I heard the word God I would freak out inside me, thinking they believe in the same GOD I been told. I was wrong they have taught me that GOD or Higher Power is what you want it to be. I liked that idea and go on to learn more.

Since, I been sober for 29 days, I have learned a lot and understand that I am alcoholic and there is a higher power waiting for me to keep me on this journey.

Thepatman

For me GOD is universal, trying to put a name to something that cannot be comprehended in our limited minds is futile. The complexity of our Universe logically involves a force that is higher than us. That being said, if such power exists, than one can tap into that energy by simply living a life based on love, compassion, without selfishness.

Once that power is tapped into, there are no limits on what we can achieve as humans. Including sobriety.

My 25 cents of the day ;-)

Donna57

Jen, what you wrote was so beautiful! You described exactly how I felt about my drinking, too. My consequences were different, but the cause of our problems was the same- ALCOHOL. I am glad you are being open minded about the God concept. These readings in the Big Book gave me more understanding and may help you, too - Chapter 4 We Agnostics and Appendix II Spiritual Experience. Also religion and spirituality are not the same. We do not have to belong to an organized religion to be spiritual. I believe that working the steps gradually changes our personality so that we are able to avoid alcohol and in general to get along with other people better. This improves our lives SO MUCH. And over time we do see the promises come true. We have a lot to look forward to in our sober life! Thanks for your post and keep coming back!

Jen73

Thank you PatMan,

Living a life based on love, compassion and without selfishness is where I need to be. I need the higher of me to take me to the path so I can learn to do those things.

Jen73

I am going to take one thing at a time when I read BB, I have so much to learn and grow with what all this means to me.