beachgirl13

My situation is a bit different but basically the same as I am very unhappy and very lonely. My husband claims to love and adore me but I sleep alone in a king sized bed. have for years. he may come in for a bit and sleeps some only to get up and go back out to his recliner. the main reason he does so much on his own is due to his abuse of prescription drugs. OxyContin is what's been given to him for psoriatic arthritic pain for years. If he would take them as prescribed I'm sure all would be well but since before 2000, he has been on them. I've seen him in so many crazy situations. many, many times in withdrawals because he takes more than he is supposed to. he will go without for only a short time before he withdraws money from our savings or checking and buys them from somebody. who knows who. for the most part, he is a good man. he works hard, he brings home money, he helps around the house and he's good to our grown boys and our grandkids. we have a nice home. we don't make much at our jobs but we do ok. it all doesn't sound too bad but about every month I deal with his rage due to no more pills. Every situation depends on whether he has taken too many and is out of character..like too talky talky or always sleeping. We have been married 24 years. He's been to rehab 3 times and refuses to go again. he needs help. I no longer respect him and his weakness. I've stayed and stayed and understand he has a problem but I cannot see any more years going by alone in this big bed. I'm not hugged or kissed and I feel like we are room mates sharing meals, feeding the animals, washing clothes etc. but there is no closeness. I keep hoping it will change and that part will get better but it hasn't. I feel bad when I complain that I'm lonely and need more than I have. I want to have a better marriage but he is not going to change evidently. I'm 58, he's 61. I don't make much money but I think I can manage somewhat. I wonder about our retirement plans. I guess if I left I would get part of that. I don't know. I don't want to leave a nice home and go to some flea bitten apartment and end up worse off than I am. someone, please comment............... I need guidance.

zoso77

beachgirl...

Just want to give you a quick Welcome to the Board. Normally, I would respond to your post in more depth, but I'm in the middle of a meeting at work.

Others will be by, and I will respond to you as soon as I can.

Hang in there.

beachgirl13

I appreciate any help given.
He has since tried to fool me by putting other look alike pills in the bottles of oxy. just to make me think he still had pills. there were 90 in one bottle and 60 in the other. he has taken 150 pills in 10 days. long time till he can get a refill at dr. visit. so he takes out money from our bank account. as usual. he buys them from somewhere. or rides to his sisters 2 hours away and gets some patches. its a vicious cycle!
I love him but ive not been I love w/him for years....................due to just no respect and seeing him all slumped over in his food etc. laying in the middle of the floor.
a good man otherwise? yes!

hopeful4

Hello and welcome! I am glad you are here, there is good support here.

Thing is, addiction is progressive. He is a long term abuser, which means it will progress. His health will decline and of course you will be left to take care of him. I don't mean to scare you, but that is the reality for so many.

I encourage you to speak to an attorney. I know I spoke with an attorney a year before I actually split from my X. It was free. It also helped me understand what to expect if I left, how we would be able to separate our finances, etc. It helped me to feel much more in control.

Do you have face to face support? Counseling, Naranon, Celebrate Recovery? These are all great options and would likely help you a lot.

There are many here who have shared their experiences, I encourage you to read as much as you can. Take a look at the stickies at the top of the forum, they are full of great info.

Hugs to you. Keep coming back, you are not alone!

zoso77

Up for air, beach.

What you want and what he wants are two different things. You want to have an engaged, committed partner. He wants to do his own thing and apparently doesn't care how it impacts you. That's a hard gap to bridge.

This will not change until he decides enough is enough.

So the question becomes what is in your best interests. And once you figure that out, you need to make a decision on if you're going to take action to protect those interests.

Hope7726

Having an addict as a partner might be the loneliest feeling on the planet. I agree with hopeful in that you should talk to an attorney. And check out Nar or Al-Anon if you haven't already. The people there have been in every situation imaginable with their addicts and they will be able to share their experiences with you (in addition to it being a helpful program).

I look at it this way - you sound miserable. Do you want to spend the rest of your life this way? The sooner you get out and create a better life for yourself, the sooner you will begin to feel happy again. I know it must be so scary to leave your life and husband of 24 years and start all over, but doesn't it sound scarier to continue living like this until the day one of you dies? Sure it's not ideal having to leave your home and move into some budget apartment but imagine the peace you will feel. No more walking on eggshells because he couldn't get his pills and he's p*ssed off about it.

Keep reading here. You will see that many people on this forum have left their addicted spouse.