RedDog735

…YES! Thank God for Mondays, right? Why would anyone say such a thing? I was back onto my feet and back to work. Being surrounded by people certainly helps get my mind off of "him." I am still unclear about the status of my A and I. What I do know is this:

I am powerless over controlling his actions.
I cannot change him and I cannot make him "see the light."
I have not been giving him any advice or suggestions or help, even when he has been trying to receive them.

He constantly texts me that "he is so sorry" and that he is "so alone." I am starting to respond with "what can you do for yourself?" Which he responds "stop thinking I have control over my drinking." I still remain guarded and refuse to be optimistic to him changing. I am understanding that HE is the only one that can help himself. No matter what I do, he could fall back into the same dark cycle over and over again. I am so happy for all of you and your kind words and suggestions.

redatlanta

Good on you!

Someone coming to the realization that they are powerless over alcohol is a process. Whether he does at this time is yet to be seen.

Remember, its a disease of denial.

Glad work is keeping your mind off of things.

POAndrea

Yes! I always looked forward to my "Monday", so I could get out of the house and away from the craziness there.

RedDog735

Have been keeping busy and focusing on MYSELF lately. It is a lightbulb moment when you forget about your A and just focus on yourself. I have however, realized something that was very interesting. Many people in the chat, whom are addicts, do not understand codependency from my point of view. They have claimed it is not an illness or an addiction but merely the inability to make decisions. I am trying to understand why they do not understand how it affects my life. It seems as if they tease me for my "addiction." Still a little confused...

SparkleKitty

I can see how, from the POV of someone upon whom I was co-dependent, it might seem like I was unable to make decisions. I was unable to assert my preference or perspective out of fear it wouldn't match the other person's. People pleasing often involves a lot of guesswork.

I learned from my A Mom not to have a different opinion or to make a decision that wasn't 100% what SHE would do. I carried that lesson into adult relationships where it no longer really applied.

These days, many years into recovery, I still find it hard to decide what to watch on TV or where we should order dinner, but this comes more from a lack of interest in the outcome than from worrying my decision might make someone angry!