I can't go thru this again...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
I can't go thru this again...
Dear SR.,
I've been away for alittle while, as all of us Mommas do when our beloved
children decide they want to become active addicticts VS recovering addicts...
Where do I start...she's so young, my beloved AD has decided to drink,
not just "one" but get wasted with her "friends". She is 20 yrs old.
My middle child, the special one, the one I have always been the closest to
the one who was like me. She had always made me proud, high school sports
very active in our church, always by my side and always saying she loved me.
Then when she turned 18, or maybe even before, she started taking benzos
(Xanax), had a really "nice" boyfriend, but he was a meth addict.
She went off to college, discovered opiates and especially heroin. Every day she would take heroin, months went by and the fun of "heroin" turned into constant pain of w/d. I tried to help her but she said it wasn't a problem...until one warm summer morning she attempted her 7th suicide attempt, my other AD called me after she cut her down from a hanging, in their apartment.
I called the police to check on her and they admitted her to a psych ward and detoxed her from the Xanax and opiates, she said it hurt and was hard.
Apon discharge, she was assessed for IOP which she went to for 4 days a week and graduated. She was 19 then.
Life was good, no relapses. She got better and did it on her own with the help of her HP and the behavior health department. Yes, she was back.
Then after 6 months, she stopped NA meetings and stopped taking her meds.
She has a dual diagnosis of mental illnesses and addiction.
She told me I was being brain washed when I went to my Friends and Family meetings and even here on SR. I didn't need to tell my story to everyone.
She never finished her community service hours for the crimes she did while drugging it up. She said she would rather take the charge.
So now she is 20, almost 21 come April. She has a fake ID so she is drinking. She said she's not an alcoholic, but isn't a drug a drug? She said no.
She also is disrespectful, doesn't clean up after herself, never has any money and I'm scared to death what she will do.
I did tell her if she continues to disrespect me she will have to leave...she rolled her eyes and said whatever...
So, now my head is pounding and my heart is breaking and I don't know if I have it in me to ride that codie rollercoaster again, not again.
I just wanted to get this off my chest, to tell someone that I'm hurting for my daughter, she's getting sucked in again.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this..
Respectfully,
TF
I've been away for alittle while, as all of us Mommas do when our beloved
children decide they want to become active addicticts VS recovering addicts...
Where do I start...she's so young, my beloved AD has decided to drink,
not just "one" but get wasted with her "friends". She is 20 yrs old.
My middle child, the special one, the one I have always been the closest to
the one who was like me. She had always made me proud, high school sports
very active in our church, always by my side and always saying she loved me.
Then when she turned 18, or maybe even before, she started taking benzos
(Xanax), had a really "nice" boyfriend, but he was a meth addict.
She went off to college, discovered opiates and especially heroin. Every day she would take heroin, months went by and the fun of "heroin" turned into constant pain of w/d. I tried to help her but she said it wasn't a problem...until one warm summer morning she attempted her 7th suicide attempt, my other AD called me after she cut her down from a hanging, in their apartment.
I called the police to check on her and they admitted her to a psych ward and detoxed her from the Xanax and opiates, she said it hurt and was hard.
Apon discharge, she was assessed for IOP which she went to for 4 days a week and graduated. She was 19 then.
Life was good, no relapses. She got better and did it on her own with the help of her HP and the behavior health department. Yes, she was back.
Then after 6 months, she stopped NA meetings and stopped taking her meds.
She has a dual diagnosis of mental illnesses and addiction.
She told me I was being brain washed when I went to my Friends and Family meetings and even here on SR. I didn't need to tell my story to everyone.
She never finished her community service hours for the crimes she did while drugging it up. She said she would rather take the charge.
So now she is 20, almost 21 come April. She has a fake ID so she is drinking. She said she's not an alcoholic, but isn't a drug a drug? She said no.
She also is disrespectful, doesn't clean up after herself, never has any money and I'm scared to death what she will do.
I did tell her if she continues to disrespect me she will have to leave...she rolled her eyes and said whatever...
So, now my head is pounding and my heart is breaking and I don't know if I have it in me to ride that codie rollercoaster again, not again.
I just wanted to get this off my chest, to tell someone that I'm hurting for my daughter, she's getting sucked in again.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this..
Respectfully,
TF
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
i'm so sorry to hear this twofish... and very proud of you for sharing because you know we are only as sick as our secrets. the fact that you are posting this tells me you will do what you need to do to stay as well as possible.
warm hugs and good thoughts as you walk this path... you are not alone.
warm hugs and good thoughts as you walk this path... you are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 277
Two fish. I am so sorry and I feel your pain. My son is using again as well. My god I feel your pain. Please feel the hug. I don't know what to do right now nor do I have advice at 30 days into this but I know the feeling. I pray for your daughter to find the path just as I do my son".."................
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Twofish, I wish I could say something to truly help. All I can do is offer prayers and send you some love. I hope the support & friendship here will help you to not feel alone. I'm sure many will relate and offer their wisdom. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
(((twofish))) We are here and will be here for you, as you work your way through this painful place in time. I pray that your daughter will come to her senses soon, and decide to work on her recovery in earnest. It won't be long until she feels the sickness of addiction and I hope its something that she decides she does not want any more of.
hugs
chicory
hugs
chicory
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
twofish...so glad to see you back...so sorry for what is happening...my third and last daughter...also the one most like me...has been using heroin for 5 years...not willing at all to get help.
my 2nd daughter who used crystal meth...turned to alcohol in the last 10 years after stopping her drug use, becoming the single mom of twins etc. we did have her in rehab for her entire high school career...and she did it although that is a very sad story...last week she stopped by the apartment and said she had 70 days clean from alcohol...
have had to 'release in love' all of my adult children...the heroin addict is now 22 and she cuts contact...and calls sibs or Dad...although I try not to...wonder what I did so wrong...then remind myself am the only one doing recovery work.
the meth addict took 8 years...and taking care of grandchildren...she has been negative towards me the entire time...and angry...and yet...I was the only one who showed up for her in rehab...so last Sept had to just let go and let God...wish I could say it got easier...but it didn't...just realized that my recovery means I have got to take better self care of me.
it's all hard; you are very strong and loving...sending you prayers and love.
my 2nd daughter who used crystal meth...turned to alcohol in the last 10 years after stopping her drug use, becoming the single mom of twins etc. we did have her in rehab for her entire high school career...and she did it although that is a very sad story...last week she stopped by the apartment and said she had 70 days clean from alcohol...
have had to 'release in love' all of my adult children...the heroin addict is now 22 and she cuts contact...and calls sibs or Dad...although I try not to...wonder what I did so wrong...then remind myself am the only one doing recovery work.
the meth addict took 8 years...and taking care of grandchildren...she has been negative towards me the entire time...and angry...and yet...I was the only one who showed up for her in rehab...so last Sept had to just let go and let God...wish I could say it got easier...but it didn't...just realized that my recovery means I have got to take better self care of me.
it's all hard; you are very strong and loving...sending you prayers and love.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
So very sorry Twofish. I do pray for you and your daughter. yes, I know too well the pain you are feeling, although my AS cant keep clean from heroin for long. He too has serious dual diagnosis issues, but always feels he knows better than the doctors what will help him. The disrespect and messes and more are a problem, despite all I have done for him.
Hopefully all you have done to help your daughter throughout high school has planted a seed of recovery. Thank you for sharing. I know how it helps. Warm hugs to you.
Hopefully all you have done to help your daughter throughout high school has planted a seed of recovery. Thank you for sharing. I know how it helps. Warm hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 24
Stay strong and take care of you. Reading this breaks my heart because as a binge drinker I do this to my poor husband. Reading the Friends and Family posts really helps me to see things from his view and how messed up and disrespectful I have been...the addiction clouding my normally astute mind. You are doing the right thing. I didn't take recovery seriously until my husband provided consequences, self protecting because I was dragging him down with me. Thanks for this post. It makes me see so much and I am humbled and ashamed but most of all, determined that I will do whatever work I need to and attend all of my meetings if it means my husband doesn't have to feel the pain you are describing. Sorry if I took this OT, but this touched my soul.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
You can do this Twofish. You are stronger now than you were the first time around.
It takes a little time to get the armor back on and in working condition.
When we get hit again it knocks us off our feet for a little bit.
You will find balance again.
It takes a little time to get the armor back on and in working condition.
When we get hit again it knocks us off our feet for a little bit.
You will find balance again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
TwoFish, I want to scream for you! I am so sorry for your pain. You are stronger, and though that doesn't always make it easier to bear, you do have some tools in your toolbox. Pull them out, take care of yourself, and make some clear, clear boundaries. She's clearly not finished, and that is so hard to watch. I am sending love & hugs & energy your way.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh TwoFish, my heart just breaks for you reading this. You have went through so much. However, you are one of the strongest people I know of. We are here by your side. Don't isolate yourself, we understand.
Tight, tight hugs and much love coming your way sweet lady!
Tight, tight hugs and much love coming your way sweet lady!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
tf...sending love and prayers...and knowledge that you will do what you need to do...for them...and then for you...
so sorry...the setbacks are so very very disillusioning...yet...you have done everything you can for her...and more than many would or could. as MG said...it is hard to watch and I have to admit that with my 2nd...i had to stop watching...just got snippets about the drinking from her sibs when I overheard them (they were all focused on 'having fun'...can this here...hate that kind of fun)...and talk about her shenanigans in the bars, etc. which made me feel sick each time I heard them...but she has always demonstrated oppositionally-defiant behavior (from little) and so I had to release in love...it wasn't early on...it was at age 26 when I lost everything and had to focus on survival.
Please take care of yourself and that lovely son of yours who is so young still and enjoy your grand baby...as I did with the above daughter's twin girls as they lived with me (so did she until graduating from college at 26)...found a lot of happy in those 7 years they lived with us...and babies are wonderful...
Please come here as much as possible...you give so much...and want you to receive what you need as well...know that you are not alone.
so sorry...the setbacks are so very very disillusioning...yet...you have done everything you can for her...and more than many would or could. as MG said...it is hard to watch and I have to admit that with my 2nd...i had to stop watching...just got snippets about the drinking from her sibs when I overheard them (they were all focused on 'having fun'...can this here...hate that kind of fun)...and talk about her shenanigans in the bars, etc. which made me feel sick each time I heard them...but she has always demonstrated oppositionally-defiant behavior (from little) and so I had to release in love...it wasn't early on...it was at age 26 when I lost everything and had to focus on survival.
Please take care of yourself and that lovely son of yours who is so young still and enjoy your grand baby...as I did with the above daughter's twin girls as they lived with me (so did she until graduating from college at 26)...found a lot of happy in those 7 years they lived with us...and babies are wonderful...
Please come here as much as possible...you give so much...and want you to receive what you need as well...know that you are not alone.
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