Exboyfriend in recovery already as a new girlfriend

Old 03-02-2015, 10:52 AM
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Exboyfriend in recovery already as a new girlfriend

To those of you who have not seen my threads before, my ex boyfriend and I were together for 2 years. We were living together when he started using. Last October he was arrested on drug related charges. Since then, we had been long distance (only 1.5 hours away so we saw each other often). He has been sober since then, and I have supported him through his recovery (rehab, continuing care, etc.). In December/January I visited him for an entire month. I thought our relationship was healing and better than it had been in 6 months. However, a week after I returned from my month-long stay with him, he broke up with me out of no where. He claimed he needed to focus on his recovery. However, last week I discovered he already has a new girlfriend, only 3 weeks after we broke up. When I confronted him about it, he basically tried to blame everything that has happened on me. Not taking any responsibility for himself. Pathetic. It confirmed everything for me. It's how he was able to drop me so easily. It was why he was acting like he didn't care. Because he doesn't. He has another distraction, and it's clear to me now that he never cared at all. He's a liar. He lied about everything in our relationship, right down to the reason he broke up with me because he was too much of a coward to tell me that he met someone else. I'm not stupid. I know it's because I most likely remind him of a dark time in his life, but after everything I sacrificed, and everything I did for him, is it too much to ask to be treated with some damn respect? I'm at a loss right now. I'm just so angry, I can't even bring myself to give a damn about him anymore. It feels like a petty thing to say, but I honestly hate every fiber of his being for being such a narcissistic, selfish, disrespectful person. I don't think drug addiction gives him the excuse to walk all over me like a doormat. I won't go into details but he has ruined a lot of what I had going for me in my life, and he doesn't care at all. He ruined his own life, and brought me down with him, but all he cares about is his f*cking self. I seriously think he may be a sociopath. I'm just trying to focus on myself, but I am just so angry that I wasted 2 years of my life with someone who did nothing but ruin everything good I had going for me.
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Old 03-02-2015, 11:39 AM
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Selpats, I am so, so, very sorry for your pain. It is eerily odd how your story mirrors mine...down to the details you posted...even the time frame! I get exactly what you are saying about the disrespect, that is what hurts me the most. It's been almost 5 weeks since I last talked/fought with my x and he cut me off. I find that keeping a daily journal helps me to process this. I refuse to let his obnoxious behavior ruin my self-worth, and don't let your x affect yours! I know 100% that I am better off, but I cannot lie.....I feel really hurt and betrayed, just as you described.

But, you know, whatever he has going on with someone else, it won't be a healthy situation. He's shown that he isn't focusing on his recovery, and from what I keep reading, that has to be the main priority. As Zoso has also said many times "sick attracts sick".

We are here for support, so please keep posting. Hugs to you!!
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Old 03-02-2015, 11:54 AM
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On the bright side Selpats, you only wasted 2 years of your life.

Look at it that way.

Some of us wasted a few years more the that.
Some wasted a lifetime.

Don't let him live rent free in your head. He is so not worth it.
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Old 03-02-2015, 12:04 PM
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Originally Posted by allmirages View Post
Selpats, I am so, so, very sorry for your pain. It is eerily odd how your story mirrors mine...down to the details you posted...even the time frame! I get exactly what you are saying about the disrespect, that is what hurts me the most. It's been almost 5 weeks since I last talked/fought with my x and he cut me off. I find that keeping a daily journal helps me to process this. I refuse to let his obnoxious behavior ruin my self-worth, and don't let your x affect yours! I know 100% that I am better off, but I cannot lie.....I feel really hurt and betrayed, just as you described.

But, you know, whatever he has going on with someone else, it won't be a healthy situation. He's shown that he isn't focusing on his recovery, and from what I keep reading, that has to be the main priority. As Zoso has also said many times "sick attracts sick".

We are here for support, so please keep posting. Hugs to you!!
As soon as I found out he had a girlfriend, I honestly thought of you, and what you said to me in the previous thread. It's one of the hardest things I'm sure either of us will encounter, but I'm trying to focus on myself, as you said. I also keep a journal where I write poetry and my thoughts. It really helps, and I would recommend it to anyone in this situation. I also plan on taking your advice and attending a Naranon meeting when I move into my new place and get settled.

As far as what you said about it being an unhealthy relationship, I totally agree, and it's so shameful of me that I'm happy it won't work out. You can't be in a healthy relationship with someone who isn't physically or mentally healthy. I'm sad for her because I know she will either cause him to relapse or end up with her heart broken like mine.

But yes, the disrespect and the lack of attention towards to feelings of the women who supported them is the most disappointing part of our story's isn't it? We are left with broken hearts, while they move on. Life is unfair sometimes.
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Old 03-02-2015, 12:59 PM
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Sorry for your pain. I completely understand and have been through it. My ex did the same thing, more or less. It lasted a few months. Gotta remember he is not in a healthy state and will not sustain a healthy relationship with her or anyone. Remember how it was for you? Ask yourself if you really want to spend the rest of your life doing that same thing?? The more you take care of your needs and focus on healing yourself, the less it hurts and you'll see the situation with a new pair of eyes.
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Old 03-02-2015, 01:22 PM
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Originally Posted by SuzyMarie View Post
Ask yourself if you really want to spend the rest of your life doing that same thing?? The more you take care of your needs and focus on healing yourself, the less it hurts and you'll see the situation with a new pair of eyes.
That's a really good way to look at it. I know I'm better off, but I'm frustrated, disappointed and hurt that I am in this situation. I just have to keep it in my head that I'm atleast better off than he is.
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