Nothing, really
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Nothing, really
Before you get too deep into this post I want to warn you that there really is no point to it. Just organizing my thoughts and this seems to help me do that.
Was hanging out with some co-workers last night after work. A couple of comments made are sticking with me today. I was telling one guy that I quit drinking, he seemed genuinely cool about it and congratulatory. Another guy chimed in with "he doesn't drink in public anymore", which I assume was meant to be funny. Of course, with my history of drinking alone and avoiding the after work drinking games, it hit home, and sort of diminished the sense of pride I was feeling about being sober. I realize my job right now is to be sober, not to make other people believe that I am sober. So there's that.
The other comment was a little later when the drinking crew had all taken off to a different bar and it was just myself and a pretty good friend talking. She has had some alcohol issues in the past and quit for a couple of years recently, though she does drink now, just socially. (side note: I've noticed that her "just one beer" is NEVER just one beer, usually ends up making a night of it, but that's neither here nor there.) I was lamenting the fact that there are so many new drinks out now that I haven't tried (I tend bar, so it's relevant to my work) and she said "but you're going to drink again someday, right? You're not quitting forever?"
See, I had kind of thought that she might be one of the few people who understood WHY I was quitting without really having to be told. Maybe she thinks that quitting for a while "resets" the drinking habits to a more normal level. But I'm not so sure she's been successful with that, and I don't really want to test it out myself.
A few weeks ago I reached out to an old friend. Ex girlfriend, actually. We broke up over ten years ago but there has been some small amount of contact between us since then. There were probably quite a few reasons that we broke up, but in my mind it was all about my drinking. We met when I was still relatively in control but she was there to witness my descent into hell. Hiding bottles, being drunk everyday sometimes all day. Anyway, she asked how school was going and I told her I was taking the semester off to "figure some stuff out". She seemed to get it, in a "Gotcha...wink, wink" sort of way. She's been very supportive and is always quick to get back to me and keep me company (via texting) when I just need someone to talk to. No, I'm not thinking we're getting back together. It's just nice to have someone to talk to who has some first-hand knowledge of how bad I was and that I am working toward something better. So that's good, I guess.
As I was writing that last paragraph a friend called me to talk about some stuff and he mentioned that we need to plan a trip to Las Vegas soon. I told him I'd love to go but I quit drinking. He said, "cool, we don't have to drink. We'll just hang out and relax." Very cool. He asked why I quit drinking and I gave him some non-specific reasons...health, want to find a better job, getting older, blah, blah, blah. Didn't seem to phase him. He's been a good drinking buddy in the past, but he might very well be a great ally in my fight for sobriety. We'll see how it goes.
Having a friend over tonight to screen the first couple episodes of "House of Cards" season 3. That'll be fun.
It seems that I do have some friends and people who care and want to hang out with me. I still feel incredibly lonely, though. It tends to hit in the evenings on my days off, and I get mopey and sad. Learning to deal with it.
No news here, really. Just sort of journaling this to get it out.
Hope everyone's having a good day!
Was hanging out with some co-workers last night after work. A couple of comments made are sticking with me today. I was telling one guy that I quit drinking, he seemed genuinely cool about it and congratulatory. Another guy chimed in with "he doesn't drink in public anymore", which I assume was meant to be funny. Of course, with my history of drinking alone and avoiding the after work drinking games, it hit home, and sort of diminished the sense of pride I was feeling about being sober. I realize my job right now is to be sober, not to make other people believe that I am sober. So there's that.
The other comment was a little later when the drinking crew had all taken off to a different bar and it was just myself and a pretty good friend talking. She has had some alcohol issues in the past and quit for a couple of years recently, though she does drink now, just socially. (side note: I've noticed that her "just one beer" is NEVER just one beer, usually ends up making a night of it, but that's neither here nor there.) I was lamenting the fact that there are so many new drinks out now that I haven't tried (I tend bar, so it's relevant to my work) and she said "but you're going to drink again someday, right? You're not quitting forever?"
See, I had kind of thought that she might be one of the few people who understood WHY I was quitting without really having to be told. Maybe she thinks that quitting for a while "resets" the drinking habits to a more normal level. But I'm not so sure she's been successful with that, and I don't really want to test it out myself.
A few weeks ago I reached out to an old friend. Ex girlfriend, actually. We broke up over ten years ago but there has been some small amount of contact between us since then. There were probably quite a few reasons that we broke up, but in my mind it was all about my drinking. We met when I was still relatively in control but she was there to witness my descent into hell. Hiding bottles, being drunk everyday sometimes all day. Anyway, she asked how school was going and I told her I was taking the semester off to "figure some stuff out". She seemed to get it, in a "Gotcha...wink, wink" sort of way. She's been very supportive and is always quick to get back to me and keep me company (via texting) when I just need someone to talk to. No, I'm not thinking we're getting back together. It's just nice to have someone to talk to who has some first-hand knowledge of how bad I was and that I am working toward something better. So that's good, I guess.
As I was writing that last paragraph a friend called me to talk about some stuff and he mentioned that we need to plan a trip to Las Vegas soon. I told him I'd love to go but I quit drinking. He said, "cool, we don't have to drink. We'll just hang out and relax." Very cool. He asked why I quit drinking and I gave him some non-specific reasons...health, want to find a better job, getting older, blah, blah, blah. Didn't seem to phase him. He's been a good drinking buddy in the past, but he might very well be a great ally in my fight for sobriety. We'll see how it goes.
Having a friend over tonight to screen the first couple episodes of "House of Cards" season 3. That'll be fun.
It seems that I do have some friends and people who care and want to hang out with me. I still feel incredibly lonely, though. It tends to hit in the evenings on my days off, and I get mopey and sad. Learning to deal with it.
No news here, really. Just sort of journaling this to get it out.
Hope everyone's having a good day!
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And...I had mentioned a few weeks ago a new girl at work that I was crushing on pretty hard. Nothing new there except that I've accepted that it won't happen. Turns out that in addition to the "co-workers" and "my new sobriety" factors, she's also much younger than myself. Didn't seem like a problem until I heard it out loud: I'm 13 years older than her! Might not be an issue for a "hook-up" or some "good times" or whatever you want to call it, but I think it would feel a little weird beyond that. Since I was drunk for most of my 30's I sometimes forget that I'm a 41 year old man. It could get creepy if I start hitting on girls in their 20's.
Still crushing on her and it sucks to see her at work and have to hold back, but...eh! Whatcha gonna do?!
Still crushing on her and it sucks to see her at work and have to hold back, but...eh! Whatcha gonna do?!
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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This was my favorite part:
"Having a friend over tonight to screen the first couple episodes of "House of Cards" season 3. That'll be fun. "
14 months of sobriety into this life and I have pretty much entirely stopped hanging out in bars or with drinkers. From time to time it happens - a dinner, a show, a party at someone's house.... but in those situations I'm usually the one leaving early.
As I've reframed my perspective and my life has shifted, things like screening House of Cards with a friend, going for a walk with my dog, hanging out with my lady, going for a long run with a buddy.... these all seem a lot more meaningful and joyful ways to spend my life.
Nice journaling... I find that it helps to do that too.
Keep on keepin' on.
#soberliferocks
"Having a friend over tonight to screen the first couple episodes of "House of Cards" season 3. That'll be fun. "
14 months of sobriety into this life and I have pretty much entirely stopped hanging out in bars or with drinkers. From time to time it happens - a dinner, a show, a party at someone's house.... but in those situations I'm usually the one leaving early.
As I've reframed my perspective and my life has shifted, things like screening House of Cards with a friend, going for a walk with my dog, hanging out with my lady, going for a long run with a buddy.... these all seem a lot more meaningful and joyful ways to spend my life.
Nice journaling... I find that it helps to do that too.
Keep on keepin' on.
#soberliferocks
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Thanks, Owl! Really looking forward to tonight and my little "House of Cards" get together. There are some other people that have some catching up to do on that show, and if they do I'm hoping to have 5 or so people over to watch the next couple episodes next week. It'll be a full on sober party! Sparkling water all around!
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Noblesville, IN
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Hi SDH, There is nothing wrong posting stuff when your are journaling. I do it all the time, you should see how many files I have in Word!!
I am happy that you still have old friends that understand that lives by. I only have one that really understands and knows me very well when I did drink. The stories she tills me are funny, and then all out stupidity on my part.
Hope you enjoying going to Los Vegas, I wouldn't think I have enough strong strength yet to go anywhere like that.
You know what they say its just a number by your name, now I can understand if you were dating a girl in high school I would say that's pretty creepy.
Have fun journaling
I am happy that you still have old friends that understand that lives by. I only have one that really understands and knows me very well when I did drink. The stories she tills me are funny, and then all out stupidity on my part.
Hope you enjoying going to Los Vegas, I wouldn't think I have enough strong strength yet to go anywhere like that.
You know what they say its just a number by your name, now I can understand if you were dating a girl in high school I would say that's pretty creepy.
Have fun journaling
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Thanks, Jen! My friend and I have been there together 3 times and it's always fun. He's not the drinker I am and I think that to some extent he may have had to be my babysitter at times on our previous visits. There are a lot of things to do there that I've always told myself I would do on my next visit, but the drinking and constant hangovers got in the way. Maybe I could finally take a helicopter tour of the grand canyon. Take in some shows. Relax by the pool. I've never been there sober, but it seems like there's a lot to do even without all the crazy partying.
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As far as the age thing goes in dating...yeah, I get it. I've dated outside of my age range before and it was fine. I just think that with that particular age gap (13 years) and the other obvious factors I would feel weird about pursuing her romantically. Now, if she were to actively pursue me I would probably be fine with it, but she's not. So I'm letting it go. There are other women out there who are probably more appropriate for my age and "situation". *shrug*
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regarding Vegas; I just got back from a week there - surrounded by booze and boozers. I stayed sober the whole time - my third such week-to-ten-day trip there sober.
It's totally doable and you leave feeling SOOOO much better. Take in a cirque show. Jump off the stratosphere. Ride the coaster at NY NY.
Have a blast.
It's totally doable and you leave feeling SOOOO much better. Take in a cirque show. Jump off the stratosphere. Ride the coaster at NY NY.
Have a blast.
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Yeah, Owl. All those things you mentioned are things that I skipped to accommodate the non-stop drinking. I've been there probably 6 or 8 times and I've never done anything but drink and gamble. I know there's more to LV than that!
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rebuilding my life took me a little time...and being alone with myself sober and being ok with that took a lot of time too, SDH.
I think you're doing well - it's perfectly natural to be hitting highs and lows at this point of recovery
D
I think you're doing well - it's perfectly natural to be hitting highs and lows at this point of recovery
D
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