Talk me from the edge
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
Talk me from the edge
It's sober day 8. All I can think about is drink and the wretched fluid is everywhere but it's not mine to pour away. The only respite around here is pubs and the only people to talk to around here are enablers who'd like to see nothing more than me in one. The only thing to do today, it seems, is to drink & start afresh tomorrow.
Yikes. The cravings were subsiding nicely until last night when I hit my first AA meeting. All of that alcohol chat made my emotions fire up and my throat thirsty as hell. The irony.
Yikes. The cravings were subsiding nicely until last night when I hit my first AA meeting. All of that alcohol chat made my emotions fire up and my throat thirsty as hell. The irony.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
There will always be alcohol.
It isn't for me anymore. I don't want to go back to the misery that caused me to Google alcoholism, join this site, go to AA meetings, and pretty much flip my life.
You are here for a reason. Take it minute by minute, continue to say, "I don't drink." I know I find plenty to do that doesn't involve drinking - I know you can too
It isn't for me anymore. I don't want to go back to the misery that caused me to Google alcoholism, join this site, go to AA meetings, and pretty much flip my life.
You are here for a reason. Take it minute by minute, continue to say, "I don't drink." I know I find plenty to do that doesn't involve drinking - I know you can too
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Just use your recent past and think it through--the answer should be BLATANT! Kick that thought in the teeth and find something to DO. Like cleaning a mess (8days? you got messes), Run, Walk, Eat. Doing something brings the mind with it--even mundane stuff. Do something! Peace...
You may also get something from "AVRT Explained" found here:http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...r-connections/
You may also get something from "AVRT Explained" found here:http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...r-connections/
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It only seems like everyone else is drinking to an alcoholic. All we knew is who to hang out with that would support our addiction. In reality, the vast majority does not hang out at bars or pubs every day, we are the minority by a long shot.
Coming here is a great start of course. Remember that you are very, very early on your sober journey so you probably need to hang out with the recovery crowd as much as possible. Meetings, phone calls, books, rest, good food, water, take care of the basics.
Coming here is a great start of course. Remember that you are very, very early on your sober journey so you probably need to hang out with the recovery crowd as much as possible. Meetings, phone calls, books, rest, good food, water, take care of the basics.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
Good advice all-round. Thanks.
Scott, you're right. It's very early days. Ideally, with a circumstance like yesterday, I would have cut out the option to drink by pouring everything away to minimise temptation.
It wasn't mine to pour though. I knew people would be upset if they came back to an empty drinks cabinet. Nevertheless everyone's alcohol went down the plug and I'm in the doghouse.
Rather that than drunk. The money for the drink can be squared off easier than dealing with day 1 again. 9 days now & feel much more in control.
Scott, you're right. It's very early days. Ideally, with a circumstance like yesterday, I would have cut out the option to drink by pouring everything away to minimise temptation.
It wasn't mine to pour though. I knew people would be upset if they came back to an empty drinks cabinet. Nevertheless everyone's alcohol went down the plug and I'm in the doghouse.
Rather that than drunk. The money for the drink can be squared off easier than dealing with day 1 again. 9 days now & feel much more in control.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 396
Well done on day 8. Think I'm day 8 too, Sort of lost track.
It's only normal to think about drink, Thats what we are used to for so long. It's how we react to temptations thats important. I don't think I would feel comfortable with drink about.
It's only normal to think about drink, Thats what we are used to for so long. It's how we react to temptations thats important. I don't think I would feel comfortable with drink about.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 419
I certainly can't say it's for everyone, but I still go to my favorite drinking places sometimes. I remember, when I was still drinking, I would see others who were there who would be drinking a soft drink, or coffee, or something, and I would always think: Now there's a story there. And I thought it would be cool to be one of those people who could sit at a bar and not drink. Now I am one of them. You just know, going in, you aren't going to drink and it just doesn't matter what anyone says. You can sit there and watch everyone else lose their minds, their dignity and their balance while you keep yours.
Like I said, it's not for everyone, but it works for me.
Wouldn't want it around the house, though. That would be just a little too much for me.
Like I said, it's not for everyone, but it works for me.
Wouldn't want it around the house, though. That would be just a little too much for me.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 396
Originally Posted by AddictGuy 
I certainly can't say it's for everyone, but I still go to my favorite drinking places sometimes. I remember, when I was still drinking, I would see others who were there who would be drinking a soft drink, or coffee, or something, and I would always think: Now there's a story there. And I thought it would be cool to be one of those people who could sit at a bar and not drink. Now I am one of them. You just know, going in, you aren't going to drink and it just doesn't matter what anyone says. You can sit there and watch everyone else lose their minds, their dignity and their balance while you keep yours.
Like I said, it's not for everyone, but it works for me.
Wouldn't want it around the house, though. That would be just a little too much for me.
Like I said, it's not for everyone, but it works for me.
Wouldn't want it around the house, though. That would be just a little too much for me.
Yeh, I've done that before as well. Luckily most of my non alcoholic pals know not to ask me to the pub. I found myself going if there was a football match on the big screens. It aslso served a reminder as to how alcohol affects others, and a reminder why it's not for me.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 419
Originally Posted by Kevin78
Yeh, I've done that before as well. Luckily most of my non alcoholic pals know not to ask me to the pub. I found myself going if there was a football match on the big screens. It aslso served a reminder as to how alcohol affects others, and a reminder why it's not for me.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Stay strong!
It was kind of the same with me. When I stopped for nearly a year, the initial shock was pretty big. "What am I going to do now?" Because it really seemed like all that me and my friends had done for the past years, other than school/work, was to sit at someone's house or at some bar, and drink. Thing is, my friends (most of them) could take it or leave it, alcohol wasn't a problem for them in the sense that it is for us. When they were sleeping off their big night out, I was checking opened beer cans whether there was something left to 'keep the party going', right.
So it was an adjustment, to be sober. I began with searching for things to do around the house at first - books, watching documentaries, playing an instrument (if you do, that's great pastime) and focused on my work more. When I felt confident enough, I started peeking outside, went to the movies, theater, some concerts and other shows, to some lectures not related with my own uni discipline etc. At first, it seemed difficult to find 'sober entertainment' and truthfully, I went to many events by myself, because - and you guessed it - my friends were still at the bar. When the event didn't offer beer, it was pretty much pointless to ask any of them to join me.
What I figured out (and forgot when I relapsed) was that I had to find the courage to do those things without caring what others thought about me. I needed the entertainment, so I went and that's that - some people have a thing, where going to the movies alone is looked upon as weird, well I didn't know there was a two-persons-minimum at those places hehe
Think of it this way - all that our enabler friends are doing, instead of widening their horizons, is sitting at a bar, pouring poison down their throat and losing their minds one drink at a time. It takes no creativity, courage or even effort to do that. The reason they'd like you to be there, too, is so that they wouldn't have to look in the mirror and ask themselves the questions you are already finding the answers to
It was kind of the same with me. When I stopped for nearly a year, the initial shock was pretty big. "What am I going to do now?" Because it really seemed like all that me and my friends had done for the past years, other than school/work, was to sit at someone's house or at some bar, and drink. Thing is, my friends (most of them) could take it or leave it, alcohol wasn't a problem for them in the sense that it is for us. When they were sleeping off their big night out, I was checking opened beer cans whether there was something left to 'keep the party going', right.
So it was an adjustment, to be sober. I began with searching for things to do around the house at first - books, watching documentaries, playing an instrument (if you do, that's great pastime) and focused on my work more. When I felt confident enough, I started peeking outside, went to the movies, theater, some concerts and other shows, to some lectures not related with my own uni discipline etc. At first, it seemed difficult to find 'sober entertainment' and truthfully, I went to many events by myself, because - and you guessed it - my friends were still at the bar. When the event didn't offer beer, it was pretty much pointless to ask any of them to join me.
What I figured out (and forgot when I relapsed) was that I had to find the courage to do those things without caring what others thought about me. I needed the entertainment, so I went and that's that - some people have a thing, where going to the movies alone is looked upon as weird, well I didn't know there was a two-persons-minimum at those places hehe
Think of it this way - all that our enabler friends are doing, instead of widening their horizons, is sitting at a bar, pouring poison down their throat and losing their minds one drink at a time. It takes no creativity, courage or even effort to do that. The reason they'd like you to be there, too, is so that they wouldn't have to look in the mirror and ask themselves the questions you are already finding the answers to
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I think it seems like alcohol is everywhere when we decide to quit. And, it also seems that the AV picks up in intensity. You will be able to get through these early days and move on into long-term recovery.
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
It only seems like everyone else is drinking to an alcoholic.
Thank you for a message that is important to me, as it made me suddenly realize that on a deep preconscious level, I completely believe:
Everyone at some time has to use some substance at least a little. (false belief)
I am now going to work on prying myself free from this false belief which obviously and directly justifies relapse. Thank you Scott.
Mel
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
Kik, thanks for the insight. With a lot of my pals being keen drinkers I can relate to much of what you said.
Anna, thanks for your message. The urges will decrease, but even so, alcohol quite literally is everywhere in this house at all times, in plain view, making the early stages much more trifling than they need to be.
I'll ask the family to lock it away for now.
Anna, thanks for your message. The urges will decrease, but even so, alcohol quite literally is everywhere in this house at all times, in plain view, making the early stages much more trifling than they need to be.
I'll ask the family to lock it away for now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
Insane urges. Obsessive thinking. Sweet Jesus. I really do salute all of you who made it through these moments aiy yai yai yai yai yai.
No sponsor to call yet. I did attend a meeting in a small town yesterday, some woman hijacked it, then spent almost 45 minutes chatting utter bollxxxs about the price of bus fares. It was insufferable nonsense & I had to leave as soon as it was over so didn't make contacts.
After my first meeting on Sunday a guy who seemed sound gave me his number but I don't know if I should call. I don't know him so don't feel like I can trust him yet.
No sponsor to call yet. I did attend a meeting in a small town yesterday, some woman hijacked it, then spent almost 45 minutes chatting utter bollxxxs about the price of bus fares. It was insufferable nonsense & I had to leave as soon as it was over so didn't make contacts.
After my first meeting on Sunday a guy who seemed sound gave me his number but I don't know if I should call. I don't know him so don't feel like I can trust him yet.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
The crazy brain settles down - stay with it. Sit with it. Accept it is part of the recovery of normal brain function.
I've been known to walk out of meetings when someone goes on about "bus fares." Then on other days I'm happy to sit and witness it.
Keep going to meetings, they are helping even when the topic turns to "bus fares." Seriously - you may not see it now, but that is all part of the process.
There were days I went to four meetings.
Also, you don't have to trust them to call them. They give you numbers so you can help each other stay sober. You can trust that.
I've been known to walk out of meetings when someone goes on about "bus fares." Then on other days I'm happy to sit and witness it.
Keep going to meetings, they are helping even when the topic turns to "bus fares." Seriously - you may not see it now, but that is all part of the process.
There were days I went to four meetings.
Also, you don't have to trust them to call them. They give you numbers so you can help each other stay sober. You can trust that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
Thanks bimini.
The 'crazy brain' moments shake me up. In that moment where I posted I went from happily sitting back, chores done lights dim with a book in front of the fire to a deranged fiend within a heartbeat. No warning no trigger and after those moments I feel like a helpless freak.
No wonder I'm shaken. To actually process these urges rather than drinking on them is a mine-field. I truly cannot wait until I'm me again.
The 'crazy brain' moments shake me up. In that moment where I posted I went from happily sitting back, chores done lights dim with a book in front of the fire to a deranged fiend within a heartbeat. No warning no trigger and after those moments I feel like a helpless freak.
No wonder I'm shaken. To actually process these urges rather than drinking on them is a mine-field. I truly cannot wait until I'm me again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
There is a lot going on physiologically for you right now, my friend.
My first month I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin many times. It passes. I walked, I ate sweets, I prayed, I talked to other alcoholics in meetings and by phone - much as I didn't like it. We go through a lot. I kept saying, "But I feel so raw." That is my best description - like all my skin was inside out. Like my feelings were on the outside.
Crazy brain for me was speedy and panicky and fear-driven. For. No. Reason.
Sometimes for a reason. Sometimes someone would set me off and it took a long time to come back down. Don't pick up a drink during these times, just stay with something safe.
I like the saying "Don't just do something, sit there."
It will get better - and when it does, you'll be so glad you stuck it out. You are doing great.
My first month I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin many times. It passes. I walked, I ate sweets, I prayed, I talked to other alcoholics in meetings and by phone - much as I didn't like it. We go through a lot. I kept saying, "But I feel so raw." That is my best description - like all my skin was inside out. Like my feelings were on the outside.
Crazy brain for me was speedy and panicky and fear-driven. For. No. Reason.
Sometimes for a reason. Sometimes someone would set me off and it took a long time to come back down. Don't pick up a drink during these times, just stay with something safe.
I like the saying "Don't just do something, sit there."
It will get better - and when it does, you'll be so glad you stuck it out. You are doing great.
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