The Language of Letting Go, March 1
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The Language of Letting Go, March 1
MARCH 1
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Letting Go of Anger
In recovery, we often discuss anger objectively. Yes, we reason, it's an emotion we're all prone to experience. Yes, the goal in recovery is to be free of resentment and anger. Yes, it's okay to feel angry, we agree. Well, maybe. . .
Anger is a powerful and sometimes frightening emotion. It's also a beneficial one if it's not allowed to harden into resentment or used as a battering ram to punish or abuse people.
Anger is a warning signal. It points to problems. Sometimes, it signals problems we need to solve. Sometimes, it points to boundaries we need to set. Sometimes, it's the final burst of energy before letting go, or acceptance, settles in.
And sometimes anger just is. It doesn't have to be justified. It usually can't be confined to a tidy package. And it need not cause us to stifle our energy or ourselves.
We don't have to feel guilty when we experience anger. We don't have to feel guilty.
Breathe deeply. We can shamelessly feel all our feelings, including anger, and still take responsibility for our behaviors.
I will feel and release any angry feelings I have today. I can do that appropriately and safely.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Letting Go of Anger
In recovery, we often discuss anger objectively. Yes, we reason, it's an emotion we're all prone to experience. Yes, the goal in recovery is to be free of resentment and anger. Yes, it's okay to feel angry, we agree. Well, maybe. . .
Anger is a powerful and sometimes frightening emotion. It's also a beneficial one if it's not allowed to harden into resentment or used as a battering ram to punish or abuse people.
Anger is a warning signal. It points to problems. Sometimes, it signals problems we need to solve. Sometimes, it points to boundaries we need to set. Sometimes, it's the final burst of energy before letting go, or acceptance, settles in.
And sometimes anger just is. It doesn't have to be justified. It usually can't be confined to a tidy package. And it need not cause us to stifle our energy or ourselves.
We don't have to feel guilty when we experience anger. We don't have to feel guilty.
Breathe deeply. We can shamelessly feel all our feelings, including anger, and still take responsibility for our behaviors.
I will feel and release any angry feelings I have today. I can do that appropriately and safely.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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Originally Posted by honeypig 
Anger is a powerful and sometimes frightening emotion. It's also a beneficial one if it's not allowed to harden into resentment or used as a battering ram to punish or abuse people.
Anger is a warning signal. It points to problems. Sometimes, it signals problems we need to solve. Sometimes, it points to boundaries we need to set. Sometimes, it's the final burst of energy before letting go, or acceptance, settles in.
Anger is a warning signal. It points to problems. Sometimes, it signals problems we need to solve. Sometimes, it points to boundaries we need to set. Sometimes, it's the final burst of energy before letting go, or acceptance, settles in.
And yes, I've definitely had the experience of having a major fit about something, only to realize, as I begin to calm down, that really, I'm done w/that particular thing. I'm ready to let go, I'm ready to accept it. It's just my ego making sure that everyone around me knows I'm not happy. I often feel foolish about this, too, but not the depth of shame I feel when I know I've been abusive.
Anyone have any helpful hints on how they've taught themselves to PAUSE AND THINK before reacting hurtfully? I sure could use some tips.
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Tips on waiting?
Thank you for your comment. I internalize my anger. It often causes me to shut down in the moment and start ruminating, justifying and in any way, "thinking" about my feelings, rather than simply feeling them. So I will say first, that even when not acted upon, I still have bad coping habits around anger that cause much turmoil in my life.
In terms of getting yourself to wait when you're angry (for me, wait when I act impulsively), I come up with a cue that signals awareness and then use that to remind me to practice the habit I want; in this case, waiting. This mostly works to bring me to the present when I'm nervous/anxious/over-analyzing, and to prevent impulsive purchases.
Example: In social situations, I use people's eyes and smiles to cue me to calm down, be present. I recognize they're "humanity" and it cues to change the course I'm on.
So if maybe you find that you get angry at certain things more often, start there. Maybe you get upset at work? Find a visual cue you are sure to see almost everywhere. Pictures on the wall, the lighting, a window, use that to cue yourself to STOP whatever it is you are about to say or do, and replace it with what you want. Maybe you say, "I'm sorry, excuse me a moment." Or, "Let me think about this for a minute." Get yourself some distance to calm down.
Personally, I find using aspects of people to be my best cue since my shortcomings usually involve interactions. LOL!
No matter my success in any particular instance, I'm learning that my desire to change my habits and the amount of effort I'm putting in to find a solution for it, is what counts. And that's what I should focus on in terms of success. Progress, not perfection. It takes time, lots of practice and consistency to change a habit. And when we've practiced it a long time before changing it, we're bound to go back to that old way even when we have a new way to implement. Be kind, be patient, know you WANT to change and acknowledge that you are working on it. Find your tool, practice it, and in a year, three years, five years, you'll see how much it's improved. Will you're bad habits be gone? Probably not. But look back and maybe you'll find they aren't your go-to any longer.
I wish you the best in your recovery!
In terms of getting yourself to wait when you're angry (for me, wait when I act impulsively), I come up with a cue that signals awareness and then use that to remind me to practice the habit I want; in this case, waiting. This mostly works to bring me to the present when I'm nervous/anxious/over-analyzing, and to prevent impulsive purchases.
Example: In social situations, I use people's eyes and smiles to cue me to calm down, be present. I recognize they're "humanity" and it cues to change the course I'm on.
So if maybe you find that you get angry at certain things more often, start there. Maybe you get upset at work? Find a visual cue you are sure to see almost everywhere. Pictures on the wall, the lighting, a window, use that to cue yourself to STOP whatever it is you are about to say or do, and replace it with what you want. Maybe you say, "I'm sorry, excuse me a moment." Or, "Let me think about this for a minute." Get yourself some distance to calm down.
Personally, I find using aspects of people to be my best cue since my shortcomings usually involve interactions. LOL!
No matter my success in any particular instance, I'm learning that my desire to change my habits and the amount of effort I'm putting in to find a solution for it, is what counts. And that's what I should focus on in terms of success. Progress, not perfection. It takes time, lots of practice and consistency to change a habit. And when we've practiced it a long time before changing it, we're bound to go back to that old way even when we have a new way to implement. Be kind, be patient, know you WANT to change and acknowledge that you are working on it. Find your tool, practice it, and in a year, three years, five years, you'll see how much it's improved. Will you're bad habits be gone? Probably not. But look back and maybe you'll find they aren't your go-to any longer.
I wish you the best in your recovery!
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Originally Posted by Powqqoiy
Be kind, be patient, know you WANT to change and acknowledge that you are working on it. Find your tool, practice it, and in a year, three years, five years, you'll see how much it's improved.
And yes, a lot has changed for the better since then. Thanks for bumping up this "blast from the past."
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