There will be a lot of healing...really?
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
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There will be a lot of healing...really?
I really have a hard time believing this. My AH's rehab called me to tell me about the family weekend. I was told that during this time there is great healing for all. I don't understand how 2 days could possibly give "healing" after years of his abuse and denial and all that goes with THAT. I felt like being snarky, but I didn't go there.
Those of you with a spouse that went to rehab, was there a lot of healing after you attended? I don't see the possibility.
Those of you with a spouse that went to rehab, was there a lot of healing after you attended? I don't see the possibility.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
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Do you have to be there? I know when my AH was in rehab his counselor wanted to meet with both of us. I clearly remember him asking "So, you ready to go home?". AH was enthusiastic with a big YES! The counselor looks over at me...I said "nope".
I was a very negative nelly at this meeting.
Wish you all the best friend!
I was a very negative nelly at this meeting.
Wish you all the best friend!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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Well, what are they going to say? "This is going to be an empty exercise that we will refer to as 'great healing' to make it look like the client and the client's family are getting their money's worth"? It's marketing. And how much "healing" there actually is, is purely subjective.
Probably for some families who know very little about alcoholism, and for clients who are highly motivated to recover, some things can be accomplished, even in only two days. You're sort of ahead of the rest of the class in that respect.
I don't think you should feel obligated to go. Certainly nobody here will think less of you if you take a pass on it.
Probably for some families who know very little about alcoholism, and for clients who are highly motivated to recover, some things can be accomplished, even in only two days. You're sort of ahead of the rest of the class in that respect.
I don't think you should feel obligated to go. Certainly nobody here will think less of you if you take a pass on it.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
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They might just be trying to "sell" the family night. I've never had someone in rehab, but I participate in Alanon outreach at our local rehab's family night.
You've been working a recovery in CR for awhile, but lots of families don't do anything for themselves and expect rehab to be the magic bullet that fixes everything. The promise of healing might just be a bait and switch to get you in the door so the Alanon outreach folks can get you in their clutches. That's how we roll, like used car salesmen.
You've been working a recovery in CR for awhile, but lots of families don't do anything for themselves and expect rehab to be the magic bullet that fixes everything. The promise of healing might just be a bait and switch to get you in the door so the Alanon outreach folks can get you in their clutches. That's how we roll, like used car salesmen.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Yes, rehab said my husband is doing really well. I tried not to sniff out loud. I asked exactly what he means by "really well". He replied that AH has been to every meeting and all classes and even participates. I wanted to jump out of my skin! I wanted to grab in thru the phone and yell "who the hell do you think you're talking to!". EVERYONE in his bible study group was dumbfounded he was doing so poorly. Wanna know why???? Because he PARTICIPATED so well in all of the discussions. Yeah, my husband can sell ice to eskimos, but I'm not buying.
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Hello Katchie,
i was glad I went to the program at my H's rehab. But indeed my timeline was much different than yours. I found SR and was just starting out on codependency when he went to rehab.
Seeing all the repeating addicts was probably the most important lesson for me. It was nice to see my H looking healthy, but my feeling about that were conflicted.
i was glad I went to the program at my H's rehab. But indeed my timeline was much different than yours. I found SR and was just starting out on codependency when he went to rehab.
Seeing all the repeating addicts was probably the most important lesson for me. It was nice to see my H looking healthy, but my feeling about that were conflicted.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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Family week at my husband's first rehab was very good for me. Rough, but good for my own healing. Our older kids and I all attended family week at the second rehab last summer (different place). It was important for starting some education, communication, compassion and healing together for our family.
Learning about our family dynamics was really good, looking back at it. None of it was easy and it's only a start, but I'm really glad we did it. For all our sakes. We each have a lot of healing to do, all on different timelines. Chances are, one of our kids or someone important to them will be dealing with addiction and/or more codependency. Getting beyond shame, blame, guilt and secrecy is important yet hard. This was a step towards that.
My husband's relapses after the rehabs didn't mean they were a failure, just that there's a lot more to learn. Good for you for holding your own on what you need, especially after rehab.
Family week is no magic bullet. It is important, IMO. I'm really glad we went.
Learning about our family dynamics was really good, looking back at it. None of it was easy and it's only a start, but I'm really glad we did it. For all our sakes. We each have a lot of healing to do, all on different timelines. Chances are, one of our kids or someone important to them will be dealing with addiction and/or more codependency. Getting beyond shame, blame, guilt and secrecy is important yet hard. This was a step towards that.
My husband's relapses after the rehabs didn't mean they were a failure, just that there's a lot more to learn. Good for you for holding your own on what you need, especially after rehab.
Family week is no magic bullet. It is important, IMO. I'm really glad we went.
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I dread the thought of repeat relapses -- been there so many times and done that. I would just like for the drinking to be OVER. I would like for there to be some kind of normalcy. Maybe that expectation is too great. I'm just so tired. I don't know if I could handle another relapse.
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Taking alcohol out of the equation let us see more of the underlying problems with both of us. I'm no longer fighting for anything. Letting go, living on faith, living my own recovery.
Without my crazy to deal with, now he gets to deal solely with himself. Things are changing.
I'm no longer wrapped up in his crazy and am working solely on myself.
God's timetable is His alone to know. Although that can be frustrating, I'm becoming very comforted by that. That's a big part of the journey for me, but we're all individual.
http://www.klove.com/music/artists/t...me-lyrics.aspx
Katchie, you're doing great. All those things are very natural to be feeling. Baby steps. Let go and let God. Take care of your side of the road and you'll be okay, no matter what happens. (((Hugs)))
Without my crazy to deal with, now he gets to deal solely with himself. Things are changing.
I'm no longer wrapped up in his crazy and am working solely on myself.
God's timetable is His alone to know. Although that can be frustrating, I'm becoming very comforted by that. That's a big part of the journey for me, but we're all individual.
http://www.klove.com/music/artists/t...me-lyrics.aspx
Katchie, you're doing great. All those things are very natural to be feeling. Baby steps. Let go and let God. Take care of your side of the road and you'll be okay, no matter what happens. (((Hugs)))
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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How many years have you dealt with his addiction, Katchie?
You can decide you are done. Right now. Or you can see what unfolds. But at any time you can say you are done.
You do not have to go. A lot of people on SR told me not to go. I made my own decision. You will determine what is your best approach. I have faith in you. Yep.
You can decide you are done. Right now. Or you can see what unfolds. But at any time you can say you are done.
You do not have to go. A lot of people on SR told me not to go. I made my own decision. You will determine what is your best approach. I have faith in you. Yep.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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Maybe forget the "healing" thought of family week and look at it as educational? Are the boys able to attend?
Our one rehab allowed 16 and older, the other was for 12 and up. They said three family members, but allowed all four of us. I'm selfishly glad it was us there together - myself and our kids. We didn't see AH much. So glad I wasn't also dealing with my MIL and SILs even though I love them. Their ACoA denial/normalizing would have been too much for me to deal with.
If you decide not to go, it could be really good for his mom and brother, depending on how open they are to it.
If no one is there for him, that isn't your responsibility. Whether you go is for you, not him.
Our one rehab allowed 16 and older, the other was for 12 and up. They said three family members, but allowed all four of us. I'm selfishly glad it was us there together - myself and our kids. We didn't see AH much. So glad I wasn't also dealing with my MIL and SILs even though I love them. Their ACoA denial/normalizing would have been too much for me to deal with.
If you decide not to go, it could be really good for his mom and brother, depending on how open they are to it.
If no one is there for him, that isn't your responsibility. Whether you go is for you, not him.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
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So, my AH did IOP, and they had family night once per week. Myself and our kids all went. Was there healing for me or the kids? I don't think so. But what I do think was helpful was this was an opportunity for me to begin more discussions with my kids about their dad. That was the value in family night at IOP for us.
Whichever choice you make, listen to your heart, then it will be the right choice for you.
hugs and prayers
Whichever choice you make, listen to your heart, then it will be the right choice for you.
hugs and prayers
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Two whole days and he's being a good boy? How good of him;-) Sorry but this just makes me think of public figures that have fallen from grace after claiming to be pillars of society when in fact they are lying, cheating, etc, etc. Honestly maybe I'm just jaded but so me the IOP I went through was a nice break from reality. I'm not convinced it helped much in the long term though. I guess also talking with other people in the same place I was was good. Still though all in all rehab is a break from the routine. The hard work happens afterwards. IMHO its easy to get sober, staying sober is the hard part. You've been through a lot of garbage and I don't blame you at all for being angry and very very wary.
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Our family experience was awful, but all rehabs and addicts and their families have different circumstances. My AM was lying to everyone there, and when we spoke up about it, we were accused of conspiring to undermine her recovery. We were also told that if we didn't make life cushy for her and basically walk on eggshells so as not to "give her reason to drink again", then she would surely fail at recovery. She was already failing herself. I left in tears.
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Don't mean to damn the rehabs here but does he have a choice of whether to attend these meetings? I'm pretty sure if he didn't they would be waving bye to him.
Perspective is all about what the past entails. Maybe if this was the first rehab or detox, maybe if this was the first admission of a problem, maybe if this was attempt 1 - 3 to get sober, you would feel differently.
As is he has repeatedly relapsed or chosen to live in a hotel so he can drink. I fully understand your skepticism a lack of excitement that he is "doing great"!!!!
You planning on going?
Perspective is all about what the past entails. Maybe if this was the first rehab or detox, maybe if this was the first admission of a problem, maybe if this was attempt 1 - 3 to get sober, you would feel differently.
As is he has repeatedly relapsed or chosen to live in a hotel so he can drink. I fully understand your skepticism a lack of excitement that he is "doing great"!!!!
You planning on going?
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Originally Posted by NWGRITS 
We were also told that if we didn't make life cushy for her and basically walk on eggshells so as not to "give her reason to drink again", then she would surely fail at recovery. She was already failing herself. I left in tears.
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Originally Posted by redatlanta
Don't mean to damn the rehabs here but does he have a choice of whether to attend these meetings? I'm pretty sure if he didn't they would be waving bye to him.
Perspective is all about what the past entails. Maybe if this was the first rehab or detox, maybe if this was the first admission of a problem, maybe if this was attempt 1 - 3 to get sober, you would feel differently.
As is he has repeatedly relapsed or chosen to live in a hotel so he can drink. I fully understand your skepticism a lack of excitement that he is "doing great"!!!!
You planning on going?
Perspective is all about what the past entails. Maybe if this was the first rehab or detox, maybe if this was the first admission of a problem, maybe if this was attempt 1 - 3 to get sober, you would feel differently.
As is he has repeatedly relapsed or chosen to live in a hotel so he can drink. I fully understand your skepticism a lack of excitement that he is "doing great"!!!!
You planning on going?
I still have in my mind to move to my family home. My lawyer made me a little afraid to do that, but its what feels the most comfortable to me. I don't know. I do know he isnt coming back to live with him. I will not be put in the position of babysitter.
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