ElleDee

I went over to a friend's house to watch the Oscars on Sunday night. She's a self-confessed "functional alcoholic." I've been sober for a while now and feel really great about it. Anyway, she had invited me to go to her daughter's bar the night before for a chili cook-off. I've been beating around the bush about my alcoholism with her and every time she asks me to the bar I say no, I really "can't drink." She says stuff like well you can have soda, or coffee... yada yada. Ugh!

So on Sunday night I get to her house and I'm talking about work or something and she butts in, cuts me off, and says we really need to talk about something because we're friends, etc. and something has to get out in the open and then wants to know about what the deal is with the drinking so I figured this is the time to be honest. I said I can't drink, I'm an alcoholic, I go to AA meetings and I have a sponsor. I wanted her to shut up but NOOO, then she goes on about 2 occasions we were together and she was pretty sure I was drunk and she was basically calling me out. I shared that it all started after I had gastric bypass surgery and then I had to listen to her go on about how she didn't agree with the surgery but she didn't say anything because we're friends and well I really don't give a flying sh*t what she thinks about what I do with my life and then she says how she never had a problem with my weight! Really? Well thank you. Dang! Shut up already!

The beauty part of the whole conversation is she was in the bag herself at the time. So I let the comments go considering her state.

I'm sharing with you guys because it's still bugging me. I just started balling right there on her couch. I apologized for the times I was drunk with her. I drove both of us while drunk on 2 occasions. I felt like crap. I felt so vulnerable and exposed and like I was a bad person and all of that stuff.

It was a crappy experience and totally ruined my Oscars night. I went home long before the award for best picture.

I've known her for 23 years and in the past we drank together on a few occasions. Since she still likes to drink and I have a feeling isn't going to NOT drink if I'm around, I'm just keeping a distance for a while. I can't handle it at this point.

Thanks for letting me share.

JT0626

Your friend's behavior & what she was saying says more about her than what it says about you. To me, it sounds like this friend feels threatened with your self imposed "not drinking" policy. Her trying to call you out when you weren't even drunk those times is her way of trying to make you "just like her". She feels threatened by your sobriety, it's totally her not you.

You are doing great & that is all that matters! You're awesome!

Ruby2

Hi Elle!
You apologized for driving her while drunk. You have done what you could and you can leave it at that. Don't beat yourself up or carry it with you.

It sounds like she is trying to draw you in. I'd give her invitations a pass for the time being. It's OK to say no thank you. Especially if you are going to feel bad about yourself. She doesn't sound very sensitive.

You told her a big thing. That you are an alcoholic. I think it will feel a little raw for a bit. You exposed yourself to her and she was insensitive about it. Take care of yourself. It's OK to be sad but you are also strong.

Gonnachange

Your friend isn't considering or maybe not understanding your situation. Your priority is taking care of yourself.

ElleDee

It took me a while to get back here to read replies and I thank you all so much. Now that a whole week has passed, I've been able to let it go. You're all great friends.

I feel very grateful today in so many ways.

LBrain

Just in case you missed it, "Birdman" won.

I would just move on and pretend the conversation never took place.
I forgot a lot of things I said to someone - on purpose. And some things I just don't remember saying at all. You'll get over, she'll get over it - let's hope.

ReadyAtLast

Your friend's problem is with herself and her drinking. You getting sober has highlighted her problem. Don't let her upset you. If she has a problem with you that is HER problem.

I agree, keeping some distance is a good thing. When we quit drinking we naturally grow apart from drinking friends and often realize we have very little else in common.

congrats on your sober time

Anna

I agree with the above. The problem is your friend's issue, not yours.

And, I think keeping distance for awhile is a good idea.

INgal

She can't handle the gastric bypas OR the sobriety? Sounds like she has some jealousy/low self-esteem issues. Do this for YOU. A sober you might have a lot more friends come next awards season!