Briar

That I can't drink. So mad! Everyone is watching me. I'm supposed to go to a meeting tonight. I don't want to. I feel trapped by all this recovery stuff and I want my freedom back! I want everyone to back off and leave me alone!

biminiblue

Unless you are in jail or institutionalized, you do have freedom.

What's going on? Are you having to face the consequences of your drinking? It will pass. Just don't pick up, people will learn to trust you again.

One day, one hour, one minute at a time, Briar.

Briar

I'm back at work after a week of withdrawal, back in my regular life with all the same stuff, I can't deal, I'm still a mess, work is useless because I just sit at my desk and cry, and I can't even DRINK to deal with it!

PurpleKnight

Drinking won't create that freedom, we can't change our incompatibility with alcohol, we simply have to accept it and move forward.

It gets better to the point of not thinking about recovery every second of every day, but it's going to take time!!

Hang in there Briar, keep pushing through to the light at the end of the tunnel!!

biminiblue

Why are you crying?

soberclover

I'm sorry you are not feeling okay Briar. I'll send you some positive thoughts

JD4010

Facing the enormous pile of crap at work was/is one of the reasons with which I rationalize my drinking. I get overwhelmed pretty quickly and feel like a complete moron. That brings me down and makes me want to...drink.

Nonsensical

Your AV wants its freedom back. Your AV wants YOU to back off and leave it alone. It is pretending to be you. Don't believe it, and don't let it call itself I.

YOU want a sober life. It is WHY you posted. YOU know nobody here is going to tell you to drink.

Your AV is pulling out the stops because it is afraid. Keep your boot on it's neck. Starve it. It's hard for a while, but you'll be glad you did.

SoberLeigh

I think what we fail to realize during our drinking time is that we are slaves to alcohol. It has us firmly in its enslaving grip, claws clenched tight.

Sobriety sets us free; give it time, Briar.

JD4010

Let's kick our AV's @sses together, Briar!

ScottFromWI

It's OK to feel mad Briar. In fact it's normal. Emotions are what happens to us when we aren't drunk all the time, and it takes time to get used to feeling them.

If anything, drinking makes you "trapped" buy being an all-consuming thing. Go back and read some of your posts from the weekend before last if you need a reminder of how you felt - the ONLY thing that is more important than the drink in your hand is where the next one is going to come from. Nothing else matters.

Soberwolf

For me sobriety is freedom you dont want to be chained down by alcohol

JD4010

Freedom from that d@mned monkey on your back that keeps getting heavier and heavier.

brynn

Briar...the freedom you seek is found in sobriety. Take a minute and breathe, then listen to what everyone here is saying to you. We have no reason to lie to you. We have all been where you are and know that awful feeling of being chained to the booze. I promise your life can be different and I promise that the freedom you want is found in quitting the drink.
Do not give in to the lies your AV is spewing. Show your AV who's boss and say no!

mecanix

There are lots of people here who could do with an encouraging word Briar .

When my own head was acting like a cheese grater it was sometimes good for me to focus on someone elses story and try and offer hope , encouragement or even just a

Sometimes an encouragement or a thumb can change someones day for the better , you have the power to change someone elses world .. what a wonderful gift ..

Keep on

m

lunar

You finally have your freedom back, through sobriety.
It just hasn't sunk in yet.
Don't listen to your AV.
The "freedom" IT pretends to offer is slavery or a possible death sentence.

strategery

I agree with Brynn and Soberleigh. Sobriety is in itself freeing and freedom. When you think about it, thinking about drinking, drinking, and then recovering from drinking is its own prison cell. Without drinking, there is so much more you are capable of.

Dee74

Some great responses here Briar...and I know that you, the real you, knows all this
Time to kick the AV out of the driving seat.

You can function sober - it's ok to be scared - but you really really can. I have no doubt

D

JaylaaKent

Sounds like you are starting to <feel> better that includes negative and positive emotions.
I've never regretted not drinking. Regretted it every time.

jryan19982

Hey bud. Think of the positives of not drinking. This isnt an easy game! Its a game with quite a few stop and starts and ups and downs. Im in the middle of a down right now, but Im sober so that counts for something. You are sober, and that counts for something. It counts for a lot. Shake it off. Its hard, but we have to shake it off!