jt22

So i havent used but im noticing some problems. Im coming up on 2 months clean from opiates and a monthish off marijuana. I still dont want to use but im noticing cravings stronger than when i first quit. Im also having drug dreams that im sure most of you are familiar with. Im worried im losing the motivation to stay away that i had in the beginning and that i would use if i had my DOC in front of me. My life feels very unorganized and i have some social anxiety going on. Things dont feel much better(which is expected still), but im lonely and feeling overwhelmed. Im nervous im not going to get into the physical therapy assistant program im trying to get into, i cant think of any other options for a legitemate career at this point that i could stick to, and im a bit of a slacker in school. ADD or whatever i have makes it very hard to do well even though i realize the importance i cant get any motivation out of schoolwork, but with meds i do very well. Downside is with meds i feel horrible and can get a bit violent/angry when frustrated. I do however feel greatly stimulated from exercise, all i can think about is training, but i realize that should be second to my school atm. Im also still unsure about a permenant living situation and job. I just keep thinking "what if" and then worrying a ton without control. Brings about a lot of anger, confusion, depression, etc. i also keep having thoughts fly by daily of "well i could always just use drugs till my life is over and give up on everything". Now i dont agree with these thoughts and dont want to act on them, but theyre there and in the past it has lead me down the wrong road.

Sorry to complain about my life i know it could be worse and im not looking for sympathy, just some tips/advice on staying strong through this. Thanks all

younginrecovery

I think what you're feeling is normal. I've never had clean time over 4 months but from my experience my cravings always start to become more severe/frequent around the one month point for some reason. I think as addicts our brains tend to forget the pain over time but that doesnt mean we aren't still motivated to stay clean. When we have a craving our brains send out chemicals which tell us to use whatever your DOC is and we dont always have control over them, it's just about letting the feeling pass without choosing to act on it.

I know for me if I woke up and there was a bag of heroin or meth in front of me, I would probably use it, despite all the consequences. Thankfully I don't put my self in situations where my DOC will be in front of me therefore I don't use it.

Soberwolf

Hi Jimt its quite normal to feel like this at 2 months (well done btw)

Early recovery is a rollercoaster and there are going to be bad days aswell as good

Are you doing things to help your sobriety i done group therapy mtns volenteered done service went and done 2 college courses

Things like this helps massivly

Keep regular apts with your Dr discussing your recovery plan

lean on us whenever you need my friend

Dee74

hey Jim

like others have said it's quite normal top feel this way...re-reading your old posts might help remind you why you're doing this?

I understand the what if fear but you may also be worrying for nothing, yeah?

Going back to the old drugs of choice won't help your motivation, or your building of a new life you love, one bit.

stay strong Jim

D

jt22

Thanks for the responses, helps a lot. I just got back on here and basically im very busy, im finding my self obsessing over every little thing. Almost like an OCD type of way? Maybe it's my ADD+addiction coping with not being on anything by trying to latch onto complete control over everything in my life. It feels extremely overwhelming at times. I am on the go all day until i just kind of shut down and stare at my phone or nothing for periods of time. I have next to no recreation in my life and have no desire for it because i feel like im missing out on getting something done, is this normal? I dont play video games, hardly ever watch tv, i basically go to class(and HATE it) and then workout, with cooking, cleaning, and organizing things constantly. Every little thing feels like a task i need to remind myself of, i have lists of lists of things to do lol. Ill get something in my head that i should clean or rearrange and will just gave it stuck on my mind when i should be doing something more important.

Also im finding when i talk to people, even enjoying it, i get very tense and will sweat a lot. Im not conciously nervous about anything but something makes me very uncomfortable about other people. Infact im a big guy in good shape and generally i am treated pretty well by people these days, i should have nothing to be afraid of. I feel best though when i can workout or be by myself doing something because that social anxiety isnt there. It sucks because at the same time i hate always beig alone, but i have no desire to try and get to know people.

Dee74

I haven't got OCD but addiction is a fairly obsessional thing and I remember I had trouble finding a level of obsession that wasn't all consuming for a while.

I was pretty tense and sweaty too....

I forget Jim - do you see a Dr for your OCD and ADD?

D

Ruby2

I think what you are going through is quite normal. Getting up, going to school, coming home, cooking, cleaning, not much time for anything else. Sounds like a hamster wheel, doesn't it? Sounds like my life to a t. It's apparently what most people do every day. I'm not saying it to be sarcastic. It just is. I've found it easier to manage when I'm not drinking.

Push through. The further you get in time away from your using you forget the pain. Come on here and read and respond to posts from people who are literally just starting out. Remind yourself why using wasn't such a good life. I periodically go through times when I think about drinking but they are fleeting. I come back here. I talk about it to people in real life. Push on through.

Well done on your time sober. It gets better but it is hard at first. Keep going. Keep coming back.

ardy

Hi Jim: funny my hubby is still on his morphine.. and has been having the strangest dreams too.. no kidding... our cats will wake me up and I lay there and watch him... his muscles are moving individually all over the place and talk about a ton of stuff.. nothing makes sense.. he has gotten up the last couple of morning just done in.. has to lay back down again for several hours.... at first I thought change of seasons.. but seems that several of our friends are having the same problems with strange and I mean STRANGE dreams... and a couple drink a couple smoke.. but no one takes meds like Ed does.... I just have a strange feeling on what I am viewing that he is dreaming... not a good thing at all.... just don't know kiddo .... could we be in for a huge climate change????? any one else out there with thoughts on this .. tap in...ardy

MrQuit

Well done on getting as far as you have. Especially with ADD. I can't give you any advice on the sobriety thing, you're doing better than me, but as for the physio thing don't worry, don't feel rushed, baby steps. It'll just take longer - 's all.

I doubt you're much in the mood for this, but really, you should feel proud about what you've achieved with the sobriety. Especially seeing as your awesome ADD brain makes you more compulsive than 95% of the population.

Good work so far!

MrQuit

(Sorry, I misread your post as you hadn't got on the physio course. My bad - ADD screening next month ;-) ).

Good luck :-)

Plure

Jim, I think what you're feeling is normal. Two months after being sober was a rough time for me (bad anxiety, some depression and not sleeping), but now four months sober things are overall much better. Still have some bad days here and there but each month is better. Progress not perfection!

Just stay strong and don't give up...things will get better!

jt22

Thanks for all of the responses!

I guess it is normal i just feel very obsessive and overwhelmed, when i wake up in the morning i procrastinate getting out of my bad for hours sometimes because i know it's non stop from there. I dont go to a doctor currently, i feel too busy to make an appointment because having to be somewhere at a certain time gives me anxiety. i am late for basically 99% of the things i do idk why i dont want to be i just have this horrible almost nonexistant sense of time and people always give me grief about it. Plus i hate medication and dont want to be given anything for ADD, always have horrible side effects.

I had a strange dream last night, i went to church like i did as a kid and some one there had perc 30s (one of my old favorites). I was thinking for a long time about using, rationalizing in everyway i could, but also feeling super guilty that if i did id lose all my sober time and be back where i was. I ended up throwing them down into a swimming pool as i was climbing up a ladder out of it which made all the people using around me upset. Then i woke up relieved....

I might be looking too much into it, but the catholic church might symbolize the guilt and insecurity that catholicism caused me, being a main reason i turned to using when i got older. Im not criticizing anyones religion it is great for some people, but in my case it was not. Throwing the pills down the ladder was hopefully me moving up and leaving the drugs and old bad influences behind, upsetting my old friends, but not stopping me from my goal.

I enjoy thinking about what dreams mean and how they reflect what were feeling since i tend to have a lot of crazy ones(this one was very normal in comparison to others lol)
Thanks again