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Trying again

Old 02-23-2015, 10:30 AM
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Trying again

I drink because I am lonely. I drink because I was in a long abusive relationship and I can't seem to let go of it. I haven't lost anything. Yet. I still have my career, license, family etc. However, I feel guilty all the time and I know my son is catching on to me. I have to change. I don't want to be a drunk.
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Old 02-23-2015, 10:35 AM
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It's worth it.
You really do change for the better. Push through the first few months and things get easier.
These days I'm thinking way clearer, and because of that things are changing for the better. You can do it to.
Alcohol is one big lie
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Old 02-23-2015, 10:35 AM
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I've been through abuse too. I drank for all the wrong reasons, like you do. You can heal from all your past hurts. You cannot change what happened in the past, but you can move forward and live a good life.

I've lived alone for 25 years. Loneliness is easily combatted with hobbies and outside interests. You have to get out of your own head. How about volunteering at your son's school, or a shelter?

Life is infinitely better sober.

Are you willing to learn to live without alcohol?
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Old 02-23-2015, 10:43 AM
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Welcome Jenabean its nice to meet you
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Old 02-23-2015, 10:44 AM
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Very willing to learn to live without alcohol. I know it is a lie. I work full time and my son plays soccer at a high level. Most of my time is spent carting him where he needs to go. I have alternating weekends that I am free and this is generally when I do my heavy drinking. However, it's been creeping into the work week. I have started to crochet which is a great past time. It's the loneliness that is hard. Sometimes I feel like there is no one to talk to that cares. I stayed in an abusive relationship so long that I am not even whole anymore. I am broken and I can't escape the loneliness because I am a complete mental mess inside. It's not apparent on the outside.
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Old 02-23-2015, 10:50 AM
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Well you can always come on here and talk to us.
You need to get away from anyone abusing you, you are worth more then that.
I think you will benefit greatly from staying sober, it will built your self esteem back up. Your new motto in life should be "good vibes only" hang around positive people. You deserve to be happy
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Old 02-23-2015, 10:51 AM
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You are not broken, you have your son and a bright future.
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Old 02-23-2015, 10:52 AM
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Thank you for your time. I am going to come here to try and combat the loneliness. I am looking around and figuring things out here.
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Old 02-23-2015, 10:53 AM
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You are right. Thank you for reminding me. I do have a beautiful son and my future can be brighter if I stay away from alcohol for good.
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Old 02-23-2015, 10:58 AM
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I agree, you are not broken.

The alcohol keeps us in a very dark place. Only after abstinence for a while does the light come back.

This is a perfect time to quit, it's Spring and you can have a new life. Get out of the house. Find an activity you enjoy - walking, kayaking, tennis, bird watching, something that will get you out.

The abuse wasn't your fault, don't let it take up space in your life anymore. You cannot change the past. Move forward into healing.

Try joining the February Class in the Newcomers section - that is where people go who have chosen to stop drinking in February.

Welcome, we're glad you're here.
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Old 02-23-2015, 10:59 AM
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Here is a clickable link:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html
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Old 02-23-2015, 11:17 AM
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Welcome to the Forum Jenaben!! You can turn this around!!
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Old 02-23-2015, 11:24 AM
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I think about attending AA but I am so fearful that I will run into someone I know. I just don't have the courage.
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Old 02-23-2015, 11:26 AM
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If you run into someone in AA, they are there for the same reason.

I was not afraid to be seen in a bar having drink after drink...
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Old 02-23-2015, 11:27 AM
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Welcome to SR. You've found a great place!
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Old 02-23-2015, 11:30 AM
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I never go to bars. I stay at home. Alone. A lot of the meetings are held at local churches. Other members could see me come and go. I just don't want to be anyone's new gossip.
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Old 02-23-2015, 11:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Jenaben1 View Post
It's the loneliness that is hard. Sometimes I feel like there is no one to talk to that cares. I stayed in an abusive relationship so long that I am not even whole anymore. I am broken and I can't escape the loneliness because I am a complete mental mess inside. It's not apparent on the outside.
This sounds a whole lot like me. I got divorced last year after decades of verbal abuse and mind games. Now, after 30 years, I'm on my own. I've got two cats to keep me company, but they don't care if I'm drinking or not (plus they are enjoying their catnip!).

I'm 55 and there's not much for someone like me to do in the evenings. I read a lot and spend some time at the library. I don't go to the coffee houses because everyone is much younger than me, plus I don't have much money to spend on hoity-toity coffee.

I'm a professional with a good job, but have very little money because the maintenance/alimony payments are so high. I've been putting off a repair for my old beater of a vehicle for months now because I can't scrape together $700. Good thing I enjoy walking!
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Old 02-23-2015, 02:40 PM
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Welcome back Jenaben

I think there are way better ways to deal with loneliness than drinking. There's actually few things more isolating than drinking at home, alone.

Start building the life you want

D
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Old 02-23-2015, 02:42 PM
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Its a great time to ensure you dont lose anything due to drinking!
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