ExAW can't relate to AH now I'm semi recovered
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 32
ExAW can't relate to AH now I'm semi recovered
Hi Everyone,
I have been with my husband nearly 12 years. We were both alcoholics (but didnt know this for sure when we met, only that we both liked to drink alot) and everything was rosy in our relationship even when I got sick from my drinking. As everything was good because we were both drinking.
Approx 4 yrs ago I hit my bottom and gradually (I never thought I would be able to) reduced my drinking. Sadly, part of my addictive nature has replaced 24/7 drinking with bulimia.
I am still drinking, but it will be a few drinks in the evening whilst watching TV (not a bottle of wine at 7am in order to enable me to put my make-up on).
My AH has stayed the same! This is a problem for me. He also had an accident which caused him a brain bleed and he has some brain damage, minor but noticable. He doesnt remember alot of stuff and can be nasty. Totally unpredictable and basically on a social/relationship level I can't relate to him. I can't remember the last time I laughed or felt happy.
There is an upside to his drinking and that is that I am able to get away with my bulimic eating disordered behaviour without too much trouble, so there is a pay-off for me for him passing out etc.
He knows deep down that things arnt the same between us but normally he is drunk and it doesnt affect him too much. He is happy (or something) in his own little world. I know...as I was exactly like him. I just got so ill and fat that I had to make a change. I am not fully recovered by any means but have made great progress.
I took a serious overdose in Jan as I just wanted out of this life, but ended up in intensive care for 12 days, in a coma and got pnemonia.
I am seeing a counsellor and I know people will say or think leave this situation. But I am unable to financially and probably mentally. Leaving is not an option.
I am not sure really why I am writing all this, however I have posted on SR before and it has helped me. I feel so lonely and empty. A tiny part of me thinks, well shall I just become an AW again, but I know I dont even want to go there. Maybe there are people out there who can relate to me or have any words of wisdom with coping with all this.
Thanks for listening to my offload.
I have been with my husband nearly 12 years. We were both alcoholics (but didnt know this for sure when we met, only that we both liked to drink alot) and everything was rosy in our relationship even when I got sick from my drinking. As everything was good because we were both drinking.
Approx 4 yrs ago I hit my bottom and gradually (I never thought I would be able to) reduced my drinking. Sadly, part of my addictive nature has replaced 24/7 drinking with bulimia.
I am still drinking, but it will be a few drinks in the evening whilst watching TV (not a bottle of wine at 7am in order to enable me to put my make-up on).
My AH has stayed the same! This is a problem for me. He also had an accident which caused him a brain bleed and he has some brain damage, minor but noticable. He doesnt remember alot of stuff and can be nasty. Totally unpredictable and basically on a social/relationship level I can't relate to him. I can't remember the last time I laughed or felt happy.
There is an upside to his drinking and that is that I am able to get away with my bulimic eating disordered behaviour without too much trouble, so there is a pay-off for me for him passing out etc.
He knows deep down that things arnt the same between us but normally he is drunk and it doesnt affect him too much. He is happy (or something) in his own little world. I know...as I was exactly like him. I just got so ill and fat that I had to make a change. I am not fully recovered by any means but have made great progress.
I took a serious overdose in Jan as I just wanted out of this life, but ended up in intensive care for 12 days, in a coma and got pnemonia.
I am seeing a counsellor and I know people will say or think leave this situation. But I am unable to financially and probably mentally. Leaving is not an option.
I am not sure really why I am writing all this, however I have posted on SR before and it has helped me. I feel so lonely and empty. A tiny part of me thinks, well shall I just become an AW again, but I know I dont even want to go there. Maybe there are people out there who can relate to me or have any words of wisdom with coping with all this.
Thanks for listening to my offload.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Seal,
I don't think you're going to be able to achieve much of anything until you get a handle on your own addictions. Have you been to AA or OA? A "few drinks in the evening" isn't a healthy level of drinking for a woman, and the bulimia is probably exacerbating the effects of the alcohol.
My suggestion is that you address your own addictions first--maybe see a therapist with expertise in eating and substance abuse disorders, as well as AA and OA. Continuing to drink and substituting bulimia for drinking may FEEL like "progress" but it's really not. I'm not trying to put you down. I worked very hard on "moderating" my drinking for four years and *I* thought I was making progress, but my alcoholism was the only thing that was really progressing. Getting sober is what's really changed my life.
Hugs,
I don't think you're going to be able to achieve much of anything until you get a handle on your own addictions. Have you been to AA or OA? A "few drinks in the evening" isn't a healthy level of drinking for a woman, and the bulimia is probably exacerbating the effects of the alcohol.
My suggestion is that you address your own addictions first--maybe see a therapist with expertise in eating and substance abuse disorders, as well as AA and OA. Continuing to drink and substituting bulimia for drinking may FEEL like "progress" but it's really not. I'm not trying to put you down. I worked very hard on "moderating" my drinking for four years and *I* thought I was making progress, but my alcoholism was the only thing that was really progressing. Getting sober is what's really changed my life.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Gentle hugs to you as well. i am sorry for all you have endured.
In the kindest way I can say it - the only way to get out of a hole is to stop digging. My dad told me that a long, long time ago. I do understand why you feel you cannot leave. What you can do is move forward while there. Lexie is correct, you need to address your own issues right now. I strongly recommend Al Anon and AA.
In the kindest way I can say it - the only way to get out of a hole is to stop digging. My dad told me that a long, long time ago. I do understand why you feel you cannot leave. What you can do is move forward while there. Lexie is correct, you need to address your own issues right now. I strongly recommend Al Anon and AA.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Hi Sealpoint I remember you from the ED side fo the board.
What kind of support do you have for you? Both around drinking but also around your ED?
I was in the exact same situation you were. I have struggled with food for over 30 years, and while I started to get help for my eating disorder I met, loved and married a problem drinker. 30% of people with eating disorders struggle with substances....that is a lot of people with dual diagnosis.
I liked when he was checked out as it gave me an excuse to engage in my own behaviors......
That improved as I got healthier.
I was not ready to leave that relationship for a long time. I had a lot of my own healing to deal with.
Finally I did get a lot of support around my food stuff from Al-Anon. I think though it was because I did not have an OA option and had done a lot of my own work....and Al-Anon gave me a chance to see when I was steeped in my own co-dependent behavior around the problem drinker how much I used food to cope.
What kind of support do you have for you? Both around drinking but also around your ED?
I was in the exact same situation you were. I have struggled with food for over 30 years, and while I started to get help for my eating disorder I met, loved and married a problem drinker. 30% of people with eating disorders struggle with substances....that is a lot of people with dual diagnosis.
I liked when he was checked out as it gave me an excuse to engage in my own behaviors......
That improved as I got healthier.
I was not ready to leave that relationship for a long time. I had a lot of my own healing to deal with.
Finally I did get a lot of support around my food stuff from Al-Anon. I think though it was because I did not have an OA option and had done a lot of my own work....and Al-Anon gave me a chance to see when I was steeped in my own co-dependent behavior around the problem drinker how much I used food to cope.
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