Thought i'd introduce myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 89
Thought i'd introduce myself
So, I've been reading here since mid-summer. I've learned quite a lot from you folks -- thank you! But as I'm reading what you all are writing, I felt I should at least acknowledge my presence in the room.
I'm a very private person, so this is difficult for me, even when anonymous. In part, I have a fear that my AH could read anything I write. I don't feel he is in a place that he could begin to try and understand how I feel.
My AH is only partially sober. He began IOP in August, and continues with out-patient treatment currently, but he is still relapsing from time to time. He thinks I don't know about his relapses, but who could miss the signs, alcohol on his breath, staggered walk into the house, slurred speech on the phone. But this time around, I'm just not saying anything, but leaving him be.
At this point, I don't know whether or not our marriage is salvageable, or if I want it to be. So my focus is on our kids and my own future, independent of him. I am asking God for my next right step in all of this. And that's as far as I can see right now.
I am actively working on my own self, determining where some of my own dysfunctional thinking and behavior originated, and making the changes needed for me to feel whole.
I am also an ACOA, the daughter of an alcoholic father, now deceased. In unraveling some of my end of the problems in my marriage, I have travelled back to my childhood. This has led to much self-forgiveness, and allowed me to move on from some personal issues.
That's about it. Just wanted to say "hi", and wanted you all to know that I am learning a great deal from your stories, work and trials. Thank you.
I'm a very private person, so this is difficult for me, even when anonymous. In part, I have a fear that my AH could read anything I write. I don't feel he is in a place that he could begin to try and understand how I feel.
My AH is only partially sober. He began IOP in August, and continues with out-patient treatment currently, but he is still relapsing from time to time. He thinks I don't know about his relapses, but who could miss the signs, alcohol on his breath, staggered walk into the house, slurred speech on the phone. But this time around, I'm just not saying anything, but leaving him be.
At this point, I don't know whether or not our marriage is salvageable, or if I want it to be. So my focus is on our kids and my own future, independent of him. I am asking God for my next right step in all of this. And that's as far as I can see right now.
I am actively working on my own self, determining where some of my own dysfunctional thinking and behavior originated, and making the changes needed for me to feel whole.
I am also an ACOA, the daughter of an alcoholic father, now deceased. In unraveling some of my end of the problems in my marriage, I have travelled back to my childhood. This has led to much self-forgiveness, and allowed me to move on from some personal issues.
That's about it. Just wanted to say "hi", and wanted you all to know that I am learning a great deal from your stories, work and trials. Thank you.
Recovered People Pleaser
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Heart of Dixie
Posts: 391
Glad you are here and thanks for sharing. You seem to have a wise plan that is program filled. Keeping the focus on you, asking your HP for guidance and being WILLING to honestly explore All options.
KCB and you will Keep getting better.
KCB and you will Keep getting better.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, and welcome! Have you been to Al-Anon? It was a lifeline for me when my second husband went back to drinking, after almost dying of it.
One thing, your husband isn't "partially sober"--that's kind of like being "a little bit pregnant." He's drinking, but staying dry here and there. I think you're wise to focus on you, rather than what he's doing/not doing.
One thing, your husband isn't "partially sober"--that's kind of like being "a little bit pregnant." He's drinking, but staying dry here and there. I think you're wise to focus on you, rather than what he's doing/not doing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 89
Thank you for the welcomes.
And Lexie, I know. And that's why I still think of him as an AH, and not an RAH. To his credit, he is sober far more days than not, which is a huge improvement, for him. But, he thinks he's in recovery. I think otherwise.
I keep reminding myself that his battle is his to fight, and wasting my precious energy on his issues only drains me so I can't put that same energy into my own and my kids' lives. It's a learning process, to be sure.
And Lexie, I know. And that's why I still think of him as an AH, and not an RAH. To his credit, he is sober far more days than not, which is a huge improvement, for him. But, he thinks he's in recovery. I think otherwise.
I keep reminding myself that his battle is his to fight, and wasting my precious energy on his issues only drains me so I can't put that same energy into my own and my kids' lives. It's a learning process, to be sure.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 112
Hi GettingStronger, I just registered here too and haven't yet shared my own story. I think I am more scared for me to see it written down. I am doing my best to move forward and trying to not stay stuck in my past. But someday I know I will need to process it all.
Anyway, I just wanted to welcome you and tell how brave and strong you are. We are as sick as our secrets, that much I do know is true!
God bless!
Anyway, I just wanted to welcome you and tell how brave and strong you are. We are as sick as our secrets, that much I do know is true!
God bless!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Getting Stronger, Welcome. Sounds like you have a plan. Keep reading, hitting meetings and in time, you will make the decisions that you need to make. Keep up the good work of minding your own business.
Finding Me 2 - Welcome also. When you are ready, you can share bits of your story. We all are in the same boat, we love an addict. Keep reading and educating yourself on the disease of alcoholism. Slowly your life will get better!!!
Finding Me 2 - Welcome also. When you are ready, you can share bits of your story. We all are in the same boat, we love an addict. Keep reading and educating yourself on the disease of alcoholism. Slowly your life will get better!!!
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